Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and relevant: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one brief reason and an optional short consequence. Avoid repetition and long, unconnected clauses.

例: Not really. I don't walk much because I spend most of my day studying for university exams. As a result, I often feel tired, so I prefer to rest rather than go for walks after study sessions.

提案: Good content and specific detail. Improve cohesion and natural phrasing by using a linking phrase and avoid absolute words like "every single day" if unsure. Keep it to two or three concise sentences.

例: Yes. When I was young, we had a kindergarten program that took us on walks to nearby hills to explore nature. Those daily outings helped me learn about plants and animals and made me enjoy outdoor activities.

提案: Avoid filler phrases and repetition. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give two concise reasons with linking words (for example, "first"/"also"). Use varied vocabulary instead of repeating words like "many."

例: I think people enjoy parks for relaxation and social observation. First, parks offer a peaceful environment for exercise and fresh air; also, watching others—joggers, dog-walkers, or families—can be comforting and uplifting.

提案: Correct vocabulary and avoid errors: replace incorrect words ("symptoms","sound") with the intended words ("waves","sand") and keep sentences short. Give one clear reason and a brief related detail rather than repeating the same idea.

例: I'd like to walk along the seashore because I enjoy listening to the waves and feeling warm sand underfoot. Walking barefoot is relaxing, though I would rinse my feet afterwards to remove the sand.

提案: Correct grammar and streamline the response: use simple past correctly and avoid unnecessary clauses. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two brief, specific details (what you did and how it felt).

例: I haven't taken a proper walk recently; the last time I walked was to my maths academy. It felt refreshing because I left my headphones at home and paid attention to the surroundings on the way.

× No, I don't walk a lot because I am sitting down most of my time during the day because I have lots of things to study and I even though I feel quite tired when I am sitting down studying, I do try to sit down and study.

✓ No, I don't walk a lot because I sit down most of the time during the day since I have a lot of things to study; even though I feel quite tired when studying, I still try to sit down and study.

The student used progressive 'am sitting' and awkward phrasing 'most of my time' which are unnatural for habitual actions. Use simple present 'sit' for habits and 'most of the time' as the correct phrase. Replace 'lots of' with 'a lot of' and simplify the clause order for clarity. Use 'even though' correctly with a contrasting clause and 'still' to show persistence.

× Yes, I went out to climb the mountains every single day when I was young. There was a special class in my kindergarten where they made us walk to the mountains every day and explore the environment.

✓ Yes, I went out to climb the mountains every single day when I was young. There was a special class in my kindergarten where they made us walk to the mountains every day and explore the environment.

No grammatical change needed; sentences correctly use past tense to describe habitual actions in the past. Keep 'went', 'was', and 'made' in past tense.

× I in my opinion, I think it is because we can watch how others live their lives.

✓ In my opinion, it is because we can observe how others live their lives.

The original repeats the subject 'I' unnecessarily and mixes phrasing. Remove redundancy by starting with 'In my opinion' and avoid repeating 'I'. Also replace 'watch' with 'observe' for a more appropriate verb when referring to noticing behaviours.

× If you're walking around the park, you can see many, many people doing their own things like talking on the phone, jogging, walking with your dogs and just by watching how others live, it also makes us feel quite good.

✓ If you're walking around the park, you can see many people doing their own things, like talking on the phone, jogging, or walking with their dogs; just watching how others live can also make us feel quite good.

Pronoun inconsistency: 'your dogs' switches perspective from 'you' to general 'people'. Use 'their dogs' to match 'many people'. Remove redundant 'many, many'. Recast the final clause so the subject 'just watching' logically leads to 'can make us feel'.

× I would very much like to walk along the shore because I could hear the symptoms and I could feel the sand between my toes if I am walking on barefoot.

✓ I would very much like to walk along the shore because I could hear the waves and feel the sand between my toes if I walk barefoot.

'Symptoms' is incorrect word choice; 'waves' fits context. 'Walking on barefoot' is unidiomatic; use 'walk barefoot' or 'be barefoot'. Use consistent conditional tense: 'could' for imagined sensory experience is acceptable, but simplify to 'could hear' and 'feel' and 'if I walk barefoot' for clarity.

× Even walking on barefoot on the sand is quite good, but afterwards you have to wash your feet very thoroughly to remove all the sound.

✓ Even walking barefoot on the sand is quite pleasant, but afterwards you have to wash your feet thoroughly to remove all the sand.

Again replace 'walking on barefoot' with 'walking barefoot'. 'Quite good' is vague; 'quite pleasant' is more natural. 'Remove all the sound' is wrong word choice; should be 'remove all the sand'. 'Very thoroughly' can be simplified to 'thoroughly' for natural phrasing.

× I didn't really took a walk, I just walked to my maths Academy and it was also quite refreshing because I didn't listen to any music and I just walked straight looking around where I am going, pay attention to the environment that I'm going.

✓ I didn't really take a walk; I just walked to my maths academy, and it was quite refreshing because I didn't listen to any music. I just walked while looking around where I was going and paid attention to the environment.

'Didn't really took' is incorrect: after 'didn't' the base form 'take' must be used (past tense handled by 'did'). Use 'maths academy' in lowercase unless it's a proper name. Maintain past tense consistency: 'was going' and 'paid attention' instead of present 'I'm going' or base form 'pay'. Split into clearer sentences and use 'while looking around' to link actions correctly.