Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more coherent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes or No), then give one or two specific examples with linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases.

例: Yes, I walk a lot. For example, I usually walk to the beach and around the neighborhood when I go shopping because most places are close by. This helps me relax and get some exercise.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence about your childhood habit, then add a specific detail or short story. Use correct tense and simple linking words (for example, because, so, then).

例: Yes, I often went for walks as a child because my school was very close to the beach. After school, my friends and I would walk to the shore to play in the sand and swim, so I spent a lot of time outdoors.

提案: Provide a general reason first, then add one or two specific benefits with clear linking words. Avoid vague phrasing and personal fragments that are incomplete.

例: People like walking in parks because it reduces stress and improves mood. For instance, when I am worried I sometimes walk in a park to clear my mind and feel calmer, and the fresh air and greenery help me relax.

提案: Answer directly and then expand with specific details about the place and feelings. Use appropriate verb forms and avoid filler words like 'maybe' when you already express a preference.

例: I would love to walk along the Gold Coast beach from end to end because it is very long and scenic. Walking there would make me feel relaxed and happy as I enjoy the sea views and soft sand.

提案: Use a clear past-time expression and a concise description of the walk. Correct past tense and avoid repetition. Mention one or two specific sights or feelings to support your answer.

例: Yesterday I walked near Nelson Bay up to Tomaree Mountain. It was an amazing walk because I could see many beaches and coastal views, and I felt refreshed by the scenery.

× Yeah, indeed, it's quite time I walk, like if I'm going to the beach, I walk most of the time.

✓ Yeah, indeed, it's been quite some time since I walked; for example, if I'm going to the beach, I walk most of the time.

Subject-verb agreement and sentence structure: 'it's quite time I walk' is ungrammatical. Use 'it's been quite some time since I walked' to indicate a period has passed, and keep tense consistent. Also added a semicolon and 'for example' to clarify meaning and connect clauses properly.

× If I'm going maybe to shopping center, Yeah.

✓ If I'm going to the shopping center, yeah.

Sentence structure and article use: 'maybe to shopping center' lacks proper word order and article. Use 'going to the shopping center' for correct noun phrase; 'maybe' is unnecessary and disrupts flow.

× So based on when I could walk.

✓ So it depends on when I can walk.

Sentence structure and tense: 'based on when I could walk' is awkward and mixes modal use. 'It depends on when I can walk' is a clear present-tense clause fitting the context.

× You belong very, very, very long distance.

✓ I usually walk very, very, very long distances.

Pronoun and sentence structure: 'You belong' is incorrect here; likely the speaker meant 'I walk long distances.' Changed to 'I usually walk...long distances' to correct subject, verb, and plural noun.

× Yeah, I used for my childhood to work that much because my school was nearby the beach.

✓ Yeah, when I was a child I didn't have to walk that much because my school was near the beach.

Past tense and verb usage: 'I used for my childhood to work that much' is incorrect. Use 'when I was a child' and 'didn't have to walk that much' to express the intended past situation. Also corrected 'nearby the beach' to 'near the beach' for preposition accuracy.

× So most of the time I when I finish school I go to the beach and walk and play with the sand with my friends.

✓ So most of the time, when I finished school, I went to the beach to walk and play in the sand with my friends.

Tense consistency and preposition: The narration is past, so use 'finished' and 'went'. Use 'play in the sand' rather than 'play with the sand'. Added commas for clarity.

× Maybe to get off the negative vibes, negative energy, maybe to feel a little bit safe because of because what happened to me whenever I have a problem or maybe something difficult on me, I just woke in the park at night or maybe I.

✓ Maybe to get rid of negative vibes or negative energy, and to feel a little safer because when something difficult happens to me or I have a problem, I just walk in the park at night.

Verb+ -ing and word choice: 'to get off the negative vibes' is wrong; use 'get rid of'. 'Feel a little bit safe' should be 'feel a little safer'. 'Woke' is incorrect form; use 'walk'. Cleaned redundant phrases and corrected tense and form.

× Maybe if I go to Gold Coast, definitely I'm gonna walk the beach from the beginning of it to the end.

✓ If I go to the Gold Coast, I'll definitely walk along the beach from one end to the other.

Future tense and article use: Use 'I'll' (will) or 'I'm going to' for future intentions. Added 'the' before 'Gold Coast' and changed 'walk the beach from the beginning of it to the end' to the natural expression 'walk along the beach from one end to the other.'

× It's very long distance and maybe give me a lot of good feelings and good vibes.

✓ It's a very long distance and it might give me a lot of good feelings and good vibes.

Incorrect use of adjectives/adverbs and subject omission: 'very long distance' needs an article 'a'. 'Maybe give me' lacks a subject; use 'it might give me' for modal accuracy and grammatical completeness.

× So watching the beach and the sands.

✓ So I would enjoy watching the beach and the sand.

Subject-verb agreement and sentence structure: Original is a sentence fragment without proper subject and verb. Added 'I would enjoy' to create a full sentence and used singular 'sand' as the collective noun.

× I was yesterday walking at Nelson Bay, OK to the Tomari Mountain.

✓ Yesterday I was walking at Nelson Bay, up to Tomaree Mountain.

Past tense word order and proper noun correction: Better word order is 'Yesterday I was walking...' 'to the Tomari Mountain' is awkward; use 'up to Tomaree Mountain' (assuming intended Tomaree). Also 'Tomari' likely a mispronunciation; corrected to common local name.

× It's the most amazing walk because I was seeing a lot of beach and I I work while I was working on.

✓ It was an amazing walk because I saw a lot of beaches and I was walking while I was working on it.

Present vs past tense and repetition: Use past tense 'it was' and 'I saw'. 'I I work' is incorrect; likely 'I was walking'. Clarified 'working on it' but this remains vague; better to specify activity. Improved tense consistency and removed repetition.