Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be careful with accuracy and conciseness. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question (e.g. "Yes, I walk a lot"). Avoid the confusing phrase "I work a lot" here. Use a linking word to connect supporting details and keep sentences compact (max 5). Add one specific detail (a place or frequency) to strengthen your answer.

例: Yes, I walk a lot. Every weekend I go hiking in the nearby mountains with a friend, and we explore new plants while enjoying the scenery, which makes me feel happy and relaxed.

提案: Improve grammar, vocabulary and sentence completion. Use a clear topic sentence and link supporting details with connectors such as "for example" or "which". Correct noun forms (plant/plants) and finish the sentence. Keep it under five sentences and include a brief specific example.

例: Yes, I often went for walks as a child. My father took me on nature walks in our village, and he taught me about local plants; for example, he showed me how to prepare simple herbal remedies, which sparked my interest in nature.

提案: Make sentences grammatically consistent and avoid awkward phrasing. Use a direct topic sentence such as "People like walking in parks because..." Ensure subject-verb agreement (surroundings make) and avoid colloquial words like "wee" in formal speaking. Provide one clear supporting reason with an example and a linking word.

例: People like walking in parks because it helps them relieve stress. For example, the fresh air and green surroundings make people feel happier than staying at their desks, and I often take an evening walk with friends to relax.

提案: Good content and specificity. Slightly improve coherence by opening with a direct topic sentence and avoid repeating location details unnecessarily. If you mention a distance, relate it to why it appeals to you. Keep within five sentences.

例: If I had the chance, I would like to take a long walk along Shanghai Road in Xiamen, near my campus. It is about 30 kilometres long and offers beautiful coastal views, which I think would be very relaxing and refreshing.

提案: Fix sentence structure and connectors. Avoid starting with "Although" unless you complete the contrast. Use clear causes and effects: say you were tired, but the scenery and trees relaxed you. Correct pronouns and phrasing like "the air quality there was better". Keep it concise and specific about time and place.

例: I went for a walk along Shanghai Road yesterday. I felt a little tired at first, but the beautiful scenery and many trees relaxed me, and the air quality there was much better than in other parts of the city.

× We usually explore new plants, enjoying this scenery because being in nature makes me feel happy and relaxed.

✓ We usually explore new plants and enjoy the scenery because being in nature makes me feel happy and relaxed.

The original sentence mixes verb forms and punctuation incorrectly. 'Enjoying this scenery' is a dangling -ing clause that doesn't connect clearly to the subject and interrupts the flow. Replace the -ing form with the base verb joined by a conjunction ('and enjoy') to match the main verb 'explore' and maintain parallel structure.

× my father often took me on nature walk in our village and he taught me about different local plans and their uses for example, he showed me how to prepare simple herbal remedies which sparked my interest in nature and.

✓ My father often took me on nature walks in our village, and he taught me about different local plants and their uses; for example, he showed me how to prepare simple herbal remedies, which sparked my interest in nature.

Multiple errors: 'nature walk' needs plural 'walks' or an article ('a nature walk'); 'plans' is a misspelling of 'plants'. Also punctuation and sentence ending are incorrect. Correct articles and pluralize 'walks' to match repeated activity; fix the noun to 'plants'; add commas and a semicolon to separate clauses and remove the stray 'and' at the end.

× Many people like to walk in parks after walk because it helps them relieve stress.

✓ Many people like to walk in parks because it helps them relieve stress.

The phrase 'after walk' is ungrammatical and unnecessary. Removing it yields a clear present-tense general statement. Ensure verbs remain in simple present for habitual actions ('like', 'helps').

× The fresh air and the green surroundings makes them feel happier than staying at their desks.

✓ The fresh air and the green surroundings make them feel happier than staying at their desks.

Compound subject 'The fresh air and the green surroundings' is plural, so the verb should be 'make' not 'makes'. This is a subject-verb agreement error; match the plural subject with a plural verb.

× I often go for a wee walk in the park with my friends in the evening, which helps me to relax.

✓ I often go for a short walk in the park with my friends in the evening, which helps me relax.

'Wee' is informal and regional; replace with 'short' for standard usage. Also 'helps me to relax' is acceptable, but 'helps me relax' is more natural. This addresses register rather than strict grammar; no article change needed but phrasing improved.

× It's about 30 kilometers long and offers beautiful coastal views, so I think it would be very relaxing and refreshing.

✓ It's about 30 kilometers long and offers beautiful coastal views, so I think a walk there would be very relaxing and refreshing.

The original mixes correct present description with the conditional 'would' without a clear referent. Adding 'a walk there' clarifies what 'would be' refers to, keeping descriptions in present tense and the hypothetical in conditional form.

× I went for a walk along Shanghai Rd. just yesterday. Although I felt a little tired met the beautiful scenery and lots of trees made me feel relaxed and their air quality there was much better than in other parts of the city.

✓ I went for a walk along Shanghai Rd. just yesterday. Although I felt a little tired, seeing the beautiful scenery and the many trees made me feel relaxed, and the air quality there was much better than in other parts of the city.

Several past-tense and construction errors: 'met the beautiful scenery' is wrong—use 'seeing the beautiful scenery'. Add commas to separate clauses. 'Lots of trees' changed to 'the many trees' for clarity. Maintain past tense ('felt', 'made', 'was') consistently throughout the sentence.