Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevap tutarlı fakat dilbilgisi ve akıcılık sorunları var. Cümlelerde zaman kullanımı ve yardımcı fiiller yanlış; gereksiz dolgu sözcükleri (uh) çok kullanılmış. Cümleleri kısaltıp net bir konu cümlesi kurun, ardından bir veya iki destekleyici detay verin. Bağlaçlarla mantıksal akışı sağlayın ve aydınlık zamanları belirtin (e.g. "two years ago").

例: Yes, I walk a lot. Two years ago I decided to lose weight, so my doctor recommended daily walks. Now I walk every night for about 30 minutes and I feel much healthier.

提案: İyi fikir, ancak tekrar eden dolgu sözcüklerinden kaçının ve cümle yapısını düzeltin. "Dangerous city" ifadesini desteklemek için kısa bir örnek veya neden verin; aileyle yürüdüğünüz zamanları belirtin. Konuşma 2-3 cümle ile açık ve akıcı olmalı.

例: Not really. We lived in a dangerous neighbourhood when I was a child, so my parents didn’t allow me to walk alone. However, sometimes we went for short family walks on weekends.

提案: İyi gözlem fakat kelime seçimi ve ifadeler hatalı ("dogs in sticks" anlamlı değil). Daha spesifik ve çeşitli sebep verin: doğa, temiz hava, sakinlik, manzara. Bağlaçlarla neden-sonuç ilişkisi kurun ve gereksiz tekrarları çıkarın.

例: I enjoy walking in parks because they offer fresh air, green scenery and colourful flowers. Also, parks are peaceful, which helps me relax and lift my mood.

提案: İfade yanlışları ("If I had have a chance") ve kelime seçimi düzeltilmeli. Daha doğal ve spesifik nedenler verin: manzara, deniz havası, keşif. Ayrıca hangi ülke/şehir türünü tercih edeceğinizi kısaca belirtin.

例: If I had the chance, I would like to take a long walk along the seaside because the fresh sea breeze and wide views are refreshing. I would love to walk on a coastal path in a foreign country, exploring new towns and meeting different people.

提案: Cümle yapısı ve dilbilgisi ciddi sorunlu; zaman ifadeleri ve olumsuzluklar karışık. "I walked lately the park which is closest my home" yerine daha doğal bir yapı kullanın. Tehlike hakkında konuşurken daha uygun kelimeler ("unsafe at night", "crime") tercih edin. Kısa ve net cümlelerle nerede ve neden yürüdüğünüzü söyleyin.

例: Recently I walked in the park closest to my home. However, I avoid walking there at night because the area is unsafe and there have been reports of crime.

× Yes, I walk a lot, especially, uh, two years ago I began walk a lot.

✓ Yes, I walk a lot. Especially, about two years ago I began walking a lot.

The verb 'begin' must be followed by the -ing form when expressing starting an action (begin + doing). Use 'began walking' (past tense of begin + -ing). Also split into two sentences for clarity and add 'about' for natural phrasing.

× Uh, I was a fat person and uh, I should be healthy.

✓ I used to be overweight and I wanted to be healthy.

Using 'fat person' is awkward in this context; 'used to be overweight' is more natural. 'Should be healthy' incorrectly expresses obligation; the intended meaning is desire or goal, so 'wanted to be healthy' is correct.

× Uh, after that my doctor's advice is, uh, walking a lot and I started walk uh, in nights, every night.

✓ After that, my doctor's advice was to walk a lot, and I started walking at night, every night.

Report of advice uses 'advice was to + base verb' or 'advised me to + verb'. Also 'started' must be followed by the -ing form: 'started walking'. Use 'at night' rather than 'in nights'.

× Not actually, uh, because we lived in a dangerous city, uh, when I was a child.

✓ Not really, because we lived in a dangerous city when I was a child.

Minor wording: 'not actually' is unnatural; 'not really' fits spoken denial. The tense 'lived' and 'was' are correct (past). Keep verbs in past.

× So my, uh, mum and dad didn't let me go away for alone.

✓ So my mum and dad didn't let me go out alone.

'Go away for alone' is ungrammatical. Use 'go out alone' to express leaving the house by oneself. 'Let me' + bare infinitive 'go' is correct.

× But uh, some days we walked with my dad and my mom.

✓ But sometimes we walked with my dad and my mom.

'Some days' could be acceptable but 'sometimes' is more natural. No plural/singular error in nouns; this correction improves naturalness.

× Uh, I like to walk in parks and I think everybody, uh, like it because in parks there are a lot of dogs in sticks, uh, flowers and etcetera.

✓ I like to walk in parks and I think everybody likes it because parks have many trees, flowers, and dogs.

Subject-verb agreement: 'everybody' is singular and takes 'likes' (ID 2 and 27), so corrected to 'likes'. Also 'dogs in sticks' is incorrect; likely meant 'trees' or 'sticks' is wrong—use 'trees' and reorder list: 'trees, flowers, and dogs'.

× And if I walk in park, uh, I will be happy.

✓ And if I walk in a park, I will be happy.

Use the article 'a' before singular countable noun 'park' (There be/Article issue). Tense 'will be' is fine for conditional.

× If I had have a chance, I would like to walk seaside because a little wind with sea there would be very good and healthy.

✓ If I had a chance, I would like to walk by the seaside because a gentle sea breeze would be very pleasant and healthy.

'If I had have a chance' is incorrect; the correct past subjunctive is 'If I had a chance' or 'If I had had a chance' depending on meaning. Here a hypothetical present uses 'If I had a chance'. 'Walk seaside' needs preposition 'by the seaside' or 'along the seaside'. 'A little wind with sea there' is awkward; use 'a gentle sea breeze' and 'pleasant' instead of 'good'.

× Especially maybe a foreign country with new people, it will be very good.

✓ Especially in a foreign country with new people, it would be very nice.

Use 'in a foreign country' not just 'a foreign country' as a noun phrase; change pronoun and tense to match hypothetical ('would be'). Avoid starting a clause with 'it' when referring back to the clause; restructure for clarity.

× I walked lately the park which is closest my home.

✓ Lately I walked in the park that is closest to my home.

Word order: 'Lately I walked in the park' is natural. Use 'the park that is closest to my home' or 'the park closest to my home' and include preposition 'to'.

× I live a dangerous city, especially in nights.

✓ I live in a dangerous city, especially at night.

Missing preposition 'in' after 'live' for location: 'live in a dangerous city'. Use 'at night' rather than 'in nights' for general time reference.

× There is a lot of thief or criminal person, so I would wouldn't choice.

✓ There are a lot of thieves and criminals, so I wouldn't choose to go there at night.

Count noun agreement: use plural 'thieves' and 'criminals' with 'are'. 'Wouldn't choice' is incorrect; 'choose' is the verb. Clarify 'go there at night'.