Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: give a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting details. Avoid fillers (uh, like) and repetition. Use correct tenses and simple linking words (and, because, so). Aim for 2–4 sentences and correct small grammar errors (e.g., "since I was young").

例: Yes, I walk twice a day — about thirty minutes in the early morning and thirty minutes in the evening. I started this habit when I was young because walking gives me energy and helps maintain my health.

提案: Answer directly with correct tense and fewer hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I often did), then add one specific detail (who you walked with and why). Avoid irrelevant or confusing information and correct pronoun references.

例: Yes, I often walked when I was a child. I usually walked 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening with my grandfather because he liked to exercise before work.

提案: Give a structured answer: begin with a general statement, then list 2–3 clear reasons with linking words (for example, because, and, also). Use precise vocabulary (fresh air, greenery, peaceful). Keep sentences complete and avoid trailing off.

例: People like to walk in parks for several reasons. For example, parks offer fresh air and pleasant greenery, which help people relax, and they are also quiet places where some people like to read or think.

提案: Be specific and avoid hesitation. Start with a direct answer (I would walk in...), then give 1–2 clear reasons using linking words. Use correct nouns and avoid vague phrases like "a lot of stuff."

例: I would take a long walk in Chinggisi Park because it has many beautiful green plants and a large maple tree that I especially love. Walking there would be relaxing and interesting because there is always something to see.

提案: Give a clear, complete answer using past or present perfect for 'lately.' Start with a topic sentence (Lately, I have been walking near my home), then add one specific detail (location or facility). Avoid fragmentary sentences and filler words.

例: Lately I have been walking near my home, in a large open space close to my building. There is also a sports area there where I sometimes exercise after my walk.

× Uh, yes, I walk a lot in the early morning, about half an hour and in the evening, evening time as 1/2 an hour.

✓ Uh, yes, I walk a lot in the early morning for about half an hour and in the evening for half an hour.

The student used awkward phrasing and omitted the preposition 'for' when giving durations. Use present simple for habitual actions and 'for' + duration to indicate how long something lasts. Also avoid repetitive words like 'evening time as 1/2 an hour'.

× Uh, like I'm thinking, like, uh, thinking that walk is very important for my health.

✓ I think walking is very important for my health.

The original mixes present continuous with repetition and uses incorrect noun phrase 'that walk'. Use simple present 'I think' for opinions and the gerund 'walking' as the subject of the clause.

× Uh, when I, when from the younger, I have started, work a lot because I feel very energetic and I.

✓ When I was younger, I started to work a lot because I felt very energetic.

The sentence improperly uses present perfect 'have started' and unclear phrases 'when from the younger'. For a completed past time frame 'when I was younger' use simple past 'started' and past 'felt'. Also remove the unfinished ending.

× I remember when I was child, I prefer to walk 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes, uh, in the evening, uh, with my grandfather because, uh, he, he was in, uh, in the police at that time.

✓ I remember when I was a child, I preferred to walk 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening with my grandfather because he was in the police then.

The student mixed present 'prefer' with past context 'I remember when'. Use past tense 'preferred'. Also add the article 'a' before 'child' and use 'then' or 'at that time' without extra prepositions; remove stuttering for clarity.

× So now he's not with us. So at the, at that time, she, uh.

✓ So now he is not with us.

The original switches pronouns and leaves an incomplete sentence. The intended meaning is that the grandfather is no longer alive or present, so keep 'he' consistent and remove the unfinished fragment.

× There are many reasons why people prefer to work in the parks.

✓ There are many reasons why people prefer to walk in parks.

The student wrote 'work' instead of 'walk' and used 'in the parks' which is acceptable but 'in parks' is more natural. The verb choice must match the context (walking in parks).

× Uh, some, some people feel like relax, relax when they were, when they went to the park because there is a good air, uh, good greenery.

✓ Some people feel relaxed when they go to the park because there is good air and greenery.

Mixing tenses and forms: use simple present 'feel relaxed' for general truths. Use adjective 'relaxed' (not 'relax') and 'go' rather than 'went'. Use uncountable 'air' without 'a' and coordinate nouns with 'and'.

× And some people are go there to read a book because at that, that place they feel their mind is.

✓ Some people also go there to read a book because in that place they feel their minds are calm.

Incorrect auxiliary 'are go' should be simple present 'go'. The phrase 'feel their mind is' is incomplete; use a complete adjective phrase such as 'their minds are calm'.

× To be honest, I prefer to walk along in a Chinggisi park because, uh, there is a lot of stuff to see like the green plants, which I really like.

✓ To be honest, I prefer to walk in Chinggisi Park because there is a lot to see, like green plants, which I really like.

Use the proper name 'Chinggisi Park' with capitalization and no indefinite article if it's a proper noun. 'Walk along in' is awkward — use 'walk in'. 'A lot of stuff' is informal; 'a lot to see' is more natural. 'Green plants' does not need 'the'.

× And there is also 1 Maple tree, uh, which I can say that plant is my favorite because, uh, that plant, uh, shows how they, how.

✓ There is also a maple tree which is my favorite because it looks beautiful.

Numbers and capitalization: write 'a maple tree' not '1 Maple tree'. Avoid wordy 'I can say that plant is my favorite'; use 'which is my favorite'. Use a clear clause to explain why; the original is unfinished and unclear.

× Uh, mostly. I prefer to walk. Lately near my home there is a. There is a space, lot of space to walk around and there is also my one of the favorite sport there is.

✓ Lately I have mostly preferred to walk near my home. There is a lot of space to walk around, and there is also one of my favorite sports facilities there.

The original contains fragments and incorrect tense. Use present perfect 'have preferred' for recent habitual actions or simple present 'I mostly prefer'. Combine fragments into coherent sentences. 'A space, lot of space' should be 'a lot of space'. Clarify 'one of my favorite sports' to 'one of my favorite sports facilities'.