Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct articles and prepositions, and limit to 2–4 sentences. Add one specific detail about frequency or routine. Use linking words correctly (e.g., because, so).

例: Yes, I walk quite often, especially after meals. I usually go to the nearby park for 20–30 minutes because walking helps my digestion and relaxes me before bed.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, reduce fillers (uh, umm), and use correct verb forms and sentence structure. Provide one specific example and a linking phrase to connect ideas. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I often walked when I was a child, especially before I learned to ride a bicycle. For example, I used to walk to my friends' houses and sometimes my parents and I would stroll in the park in the evenings to relax.

提案: Start with a direct answer, use plural/singular agreement, remove filler words, and use specific vocabulary (e.g., "well-maintained paths, street lights"). Use linking words (for example, because, moreover) to structure reasons.

例: People like walking in parks because the air is fresher and the scenery is pleasant. Moreover, parks have well-maintained paths, street lights and benches, which makes walking comfortable and safe.

提案: Use formal contractions and vocabulary, avoid slang (wanna), remove hesitations, and complete your sentences. Give one clear reason and one specific image or detail. Keep it concise (2–3 sentences).

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the seafront in a coastal city because the sea makes me feel calm. Walking by the water helps me clear my mind and appreciate the fresh sea breeze.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence, remove fillers, correct tense and article usage, and be specific about what you noticed. Use linking words (because, so) but avoid repeating similar phrases. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Last night I walked home through the city because a traffic jam prevented me from taking a taxi. It was a pleasant opportunity to notice the city lights and the lively streets.

× Yes, walking is helpful for the house, especially after eating.

✓ Yes, walking is helpful for the body, especially after eating.

The original sentence uses 'house' which is contextually incorrect; 'walking is helpful for the body' or 'for your health' is appropriate. This is not a -ing form error but fits allowed types only; however the main correction is lexical. Suggest saying 'for the body' or 'for your health' to convey meaning clearly.

× I prefer to go to the park and the walk a while to help me to digest the food so that I don't really have a have a burden before sleep.

✓ I prefer to go to the park and walk for a while to help me digest my food so I don't feel heavy before sleeping.

Errors: unnecessary definite article 'the' before 'walk'; repeated 'have a have a'; awkward verb forms. Corrections: remove 'the', use 'walk for a while', change 'help me to digest the food' to 'help me digest my food', and 'don't really have a burden before sleep' to 'don't feel heavy before sleeping' for natural English.

× Yes I did. That happened before I got my bicycle.

✓ Yes, I did. That happened before I got my bicycle.

Add comma after 'Yes' for natural pause. Tense is correct (past). No major grammatical change required besides punctuation.

× Umm umm, when I was a kid I went to visit my friends by walking and uh, my parents and me, we went to uh, enjoy spare time in the park at night by walk.

✓ When I was a kid I visited my friends on foot, and my parents and I spent our free time in the park at night walking.

Problems: incorrect pronoun order 'my parents and me, we' should be 'my parents and I' as subject; awkward phrase 'went to enjoy spare time' and 'by walk'. Use 'spent our free time' and 'on foot' or 'walking' to be natural. Maintain past tense.

× People like to walk in the park because the air is fresher there. Umm trees and flowers makes the surroundings more pleasant and relaxing.

✓ People like to walk in the park because the air is fresher there. Trees and flowers make the surroundings more pleasant and relaxing.

Subject-verb agreement: plural subject 'trees and flowers' requires plural verb 'make', not 'makes'.

× And parks are also designed for pedestrians with well mentioned paths, St. lights and benches so it is convenient.

✓ Parks are also designed for pedestrians with well-marked paths, street lights, and benches, so they are convenient.

Errors: 'well mentioned' is incorrect; use 'well-marked' or 'well-designed'. 'St. lights' is informal/abbreviated; use 'street lights'. Add commas and change 'so it is convenient' to 'so they are convenient' to agree with plural 'parks'.

× If I have a chance, I wanna take a long walk by the sea, I hope being the, uh, coastal city one time, and I really like the sea because it gives me more peace and when I walk by the sea, I enjoy the wheel and forget all my problems and concerns, just enjoy the.

✓ If I had the chance, I would take a long walk by the sea. I hope to visit a coastal city one day. I really like the sea because it gives me peace, and when I walk by the sea I relax and forget my problems and concerns.

Conditional form: for hypothetical situations use 'If I had the chance, I would...'. 'Wanna' is informal; use 'want to' or 'would like to'. 'I hope being the coastal city one time' is ungrammatical—use 'I hope to visit a coastal city one day'. 'Enjoy the wheel' is unclear; likely 'enjoy the view' or 'feel relaxed'—changed to 'relax' for clarity. Completed sentence properly.

× Umm, last night I did have a walk in the city, uh, by chance, uh, because of the traffic jam yesterday, I didn't have the chance to take a, a taxi to go back home.

✓ Last night I took a walk in the city by chance because of a traffic jam; I didn't have the chance to take a taxi to go back home.

'Did have a walk' is wordy—use 'took a walk'. Remove redundant 'yesterday' (already 'last night'). Use article 'a traffic jam' and remove repeated 'a'. Maintain past tense consistently.

× So I have to walk back home. So it give me a opportunity to enjoy the city wheel for the first time.

✓ So I had to walk back home. It gave me an opportunity to enjoy the city view for the first time.

Tense mismatch: earlier sentence is past, so use 'had to' and 'gave' not present 'have'/'give'. Article error: 'a opportunity' should be 'an opportunity'. 'Wheel' is incorrect word; replace with 'view'. Overall fix: past tense and correct articles and vocabulary.