Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce grammatical errors and tighten phrasing; keep to under five sentences and use linking words for clarity. Correct verb forms (e.g., "20-minute walk", "helps"), fix word order ("Sometimes after work I will walk along the coastline") and avoid redundant phrasing. Add one brief reason or result to support the topic sentence.

例: Yes. I usually walk to a nearby café, such as Starbucks, every morning to get coffee. The 20-minute walk gives me gentle exercise and helps me relax before work. Sometimes after work I walk along the coastline to relieve stress and enjoy the fresh sea air.

提案: Use correct tense consistency and more natural collocations; avoid awkward phrases ("ground playgrounds", "spend this afternoon"). Keep it concise and add linking words. Use past tense throughout and give a specific example or memory.

例: Yes, I often walked outside as a child because my neighbourhood had several playgrounds, schools and other public facilities. I usually walked to these places with friends, where we played games and spent the afternoons having fun together.

提案: Good content and vocabulary; improve cohesion and fix small grammar details (hyphenate "well-equipped", singular/plural agreement: "which make"). Use one clear linking phrase and avoid repeating "relax/unwind" too close together.

例: I think people enjoy walking in parks because parks offer a peaceful atmosphere and well-equipped facilities, so walking along the trails helps them relax. In addition, they can admire the vibrant colours of flowers and scenic views, which make the walk more enjoyable and refreshing.

提案: Maintain conditional tense consistency and avoid mixing present simple with the conditional. Use plural/singular agreements ("cultural attractions") and keep sentences varied but concise. Add a brief personal reason to strengthen the answer.

例: If I had the chance, I would stroll along the coastline near the Shenzhen Bay Tech Centre because it combines natural scenery with interesting cultural attractions. I would enjoy the fresh sea air and coastal views, which would help me relax after a busy day.

提案: Fix grammar and collocation errors ("went for a walk with my sister" not "went for work"), keep past tense consistent, and improve sequence using linking words ("then", "so"). Make the final sentence past tense and more natural ("I shared them with my friends").

例: Last weekend I went for a walk with my sister in a nearby park. We took photos of vibrant flowers, and I especially enjoyed close-up shots of the lilies because their colours and details were beautiful. I shared the photos with my friends to inspire them to visit the park.

× The 20 minute work gives me some gentle exercise and help me relax.

✓ The 20-minute walk gives me some gentle exercise and helps me relax.

Errors: 'work' is incorrect noun here; context requires 'walk'. Hyphenate '20-minute' as a compound adjective before a noun. Subject-verb agreement: 'walk' (singular) requires 'helps' not 'help'. Suggestion: Use correct noun 'walk', hyphenate numeric adjective, and match verb to singular subject.

× Sometimes I after work will walk along coastline to relieve stress and enjoy the fresh sea air.

✓ Sometimes after work I will walk along the coastline to relieve stress and enjoy the fresh sea air.

Errors: Word order is unnatural; 'after work' should come before the verb phrase. 'coastline' needs the definite article 'the'. Suggestion: Place adverbial phrase 'after work' before the verb for natural English and add 'the' before 'coastline'.

× I often walked outside as a child because my neighborhood was surrounded by ground playgrounds, schools and other public facilities.

✓ I often walked outside as a child because my neighborhood was surrounded by playgrounds, schools, and other public facilities.

Error: 'ground playgrounds' is incorrect and redundant; 'playgrounds' suffices. Keep plural 'playgrounds' to match list of facilities. Suggestion: Remove 'ground' and use commas correctly when listing items.

× I usually walk to those places with my friends where we play games and spend this afternoon together with much joy.

✓ I usually walked to those places with my friends, where we played games and spent the afternoons together with much joy.

Errors: The question asks about childhood (past), so verbs should be past tense ('walked', 'played', 'spent'). 'This afternoon' is wrong in past context; 'the afternoons' or 'our afternoons' fits. Also add comma before relative clause. Suggestion: Use past tense consistently and choose time expression matching past habitual actions.

× ...parks provide a peaceful atmosphere and well equipped facilities, so walking along the trails helps them relax and unwind.

✓ ...parks provide a peaceful atmosphere and well-equipped facilities, so walking along the trails helps them relax and unwind.

Error: 'well equipped' as adjective before a noun should be hyphenated: 'well-equipped'. Suggestion: Hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns.

× They can also admire the vibrant colours of flowers and the scenic views, which makes the walk more enjoyable and refreshing.

✓ They can also admire the vibrant colours of the flowers and the scenic views, which make the walk more enjoyable and refreshing.

Error: Relative clause 'which make' refers to plural noun phrase 'the vibrant colours of the flowers and the scenic views' so verb should be plural 'make' not 'makes'. Also add 'the' before 'flowers' for specificity. Suggestion: Ensure verb agrees with correct antecedent number.

× If I had a chance, I would stroll to the coastline near the Shenzhen Bay Tech Centre because it combines natural scenery with interesting cultural attraction.

✓ If I had a chance, I would stroll to the coastline near the Shenzhen Bay Tech Centre because it combines natural scenery with interesting cultural attractions.

Error: 'attraction' should be plural 'attractions' to match general idea of multiple cultural points. This is a lexical number issue. Suggestion: Use plural when referring to more than one type of attraction.

× I can enjoy the fresh sea air and beautiful coastal views, which helps me relax and unwind after a busy day.

✓ I could enjoy the fresh sea air and beautiful coastal views, which would help me relax and unwind after a busy day.

Error: In the conditional sentence beginning with 'If I had a chance, I would...', the dependent clause should use conditional modals consistently: 'could' and 'would', not present 'can' and 'helps'. Also 'helps' should be 'help' if kept, but better to use 'would help'. Suggestion: Keep tense and modal consistency in hypothetical statements.

× Last weekend I went for work with my sister in a nearby park.

✓ Last weekend I went for a walk with my sister in a nearby park.

Error: 'went for work' is incorrect collocation; intended meaning is 'went for a walk'. Use noun phrase 'a walk'. Suggestion: Use correct idiomatic expression 'went for a walk'.

× We took photos of the vibrant flowers and I especially enjoyed taking close up shots of the lilies because the colours and details were beautiful.

✓ We took photos of the vibrant flowers and I especially enjoyed taking close-up shots of the lilies because the colours and details were beautiful.

Error: 'close up' used as an adjective before 'shots' should be hyphenated: 'close-up'. Suggestion: Hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns.

× I share them to my friends to inspire them to go.

✓ I shared them with my friends to inspire them to go.

Errors: Past event 'Last weekend' requires past tense 'shared'. Preposition 'with' is used with 'share' (share something with someone), not 'to'. Suggestion: Use correct past tense and preposition 'with'.