Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조와 어순을 더 자연스럽게 고치고 중복 표현(예: "in in", "be be")을 제거하세요. 질문에 간단한 주제 문장으로 답한 뒤 한두 개의 구체적 세부사항(걷는 시간·목적·느낌 등)을 연결어로 이어 자연스럽게 말하세요. 예를 들어 'Yes, I walk to work every morning; it takes about 30 minutes and helps me wake up.'처럼 명확한 주제문 + 구체적 정보 + 이유를 포함하세요.

例: Yes, I walk a lot. I walk to my office every morning, which takes about 30 minutes, and it helps me feel more awake and ready for the day.

提案: 과거 시제와 문장 연결을 정확히 사용하세요(예: 'used to' 또는 과거형). 불필요한 반복을 줄이고 이유와 상황을 간결히 설명하세요. 연결어(ex: 'because', 'so', 'therefore')를 활용해 흐름을 명확히 하세요. 예: 'I used to walk everywhere because we lived in the countryside and there was no public transport.'

例: Yes, I used to walk a lot as a child because I grew up in the countryside and we had no public transportation, so walking was the only way to get around.

提案: 아이디어는 괜찮지만 표현을 더 정확하고 자연스럽게 만드세요. 'more healthier' 같은 중복 수식은 피하고, 연구를 언급할 때는 간단히 'studies show'를 쓰세요. 이유를 2개 정도로 정리하고 연결어('because', 'also', 'for example')로 연결하세요.

例: People like walking in parks because the air is fresher and the green surroundings reduce stress. Studies also show that walking outdoors can improve mood and boost mental clarity.

提案: 조건문과 목적 표현을 정확히 사용하세요 ('If I had the chance, I would...'). 장소 설명은 구체적 이유(예: scenery, size, atmosphere)로 뒷받침하고 불완전한 문장은 피하세요. 최근 경험을 말하려면 시제와 세부사항을 명확히 하세요.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk in Central Park in New York because it is large, full of trees and paths, and very pleasant for strolling. I visited once when I was 25 and remember enjoying the wide open spaces.

提案: 최근 시제 사용을 명확히 하고 장소들을 논리적으로 나열하세요. 'lately'에는 현재완료나 과거시제('recently I went')가 적절합니다. 중복 단어와 어순 오류를 고치고, 걷는 경험에 대한 구체적 묘사(얼마나 자주, 누구와, 무엇을 보았는지)를 덧붙이세요.

例: Recently I have been walking in my garden and at a nearby pet park in my hometown. There are many people and pets there, and I enjoy strolling around and watching the animals.

× I work a lot in in every day.

✓ I work a lot every day.

The sentence has redundant words and incorrect word order. Remove the extra 'in' and place 'every day' after the verb to form a correct adverbial phrase: 'I work a lot every day.' Suggestion: keep adverbials like 'every day' after the verb or at sentence end.

× I work every day in the morning be be from my home to my office is just 30 minutes and I walk every day in the morning.

✓ Every morning I walk from my home to my office; it only takes about 30 minutes.

The original sentence repeats words and mixes clauses incorrectly. Use a clear sequence: time phrase ('Every morning'), subject and verb ('I walk'), origin and destination ('from my home to my office'), and a separate clause for duration ('it only takes about 30 minutes'). Suggestion: avoid repetition and split long ideas into two clauses.

× When I was a child I often go outside or to have a walk because I live in a countryside and far from the city.

✓ When I was a child I often went outside or took walks because I lived in the countryside and it was far from the city.

Mixing past and present verb forms causes inconsistency. Use past tense for habitual past actions: 'went' and 'took walks.' Also use 'lived' for location in the past and 'the countryside' with the definite article. Suggestion: maintain past tense throughout sentences describing past situations.

× So I walk everywhere where I want to.

✓ So I walked everywhere I wanted to.

Use past tense 'walked' and 'wanted' to match the time frame. Remove the unnecessary 'where' after 'everywhere.' Suggestion: 'everywhere I wanted to' is the correct relative clause structure.

× Then only option only one option there. That is walk there I don't have a transportation.

✓ There was only one option: walking, because I didn't have any transportation.

Original fragments and repetition make the sentence unclear. Combine the idea into one sentence: state that there was only one option and explain why using correct past tense and noun forms ('walking', 'transportation'). Suggestion: use a colon or conjunction to connect explanation.

× People like to walk in park because they have fresh air and they it makes people feel more healthier.

✓ People like to walk in parks because they can enjoy fresh air and it makes them feel healthier.

Use plural 'parks' or 'the park' with article. Remove extra pronoun and use 'feel healthier' (not 'more healthier'). Also 'enjoy fresh air' is more natural than 'have fresh air.' Suggestion: avoid double comparatives and ensure pronouns match.

× In some research there are walkies refresh their brain so walk walk in park is good for their health.

✓ Some studies show that walks refresh the brain, so walking in parks is good for health.

'Walkies' is informal/incorrect. Use 'studies' and proper clause: 'show that walks refresh the brain.' Use gerund 'walking' to express the activity and 'is good for health' or 'good for people's health.' Suggestion: use 'studies show that' for research findings and gerunds for activities.

× I want to take a long walk go to the Central Park in the New York City.

✓ I want to take a long walk in Central Park in New York City.

Remove the extra verb 'go' and use 'in Central Park' to indicate location. 'New York City' does not need 'the'. Suggestion: use 'in Central Park' and avoid redundant verbs.

× Central Park is very famous and there are good for walk and I really like to walk in Central City.

✓ Central Park is very famous and great for walking, and I really like to walk there.

'There are good for walk' is incorrect. Use 'great for walking.' Also 'Central City' is wrong; refer to 'Central Park' or 'the city center.' Suggestion: use 'great for walking' and refer back to location with 'there.'

× When I was in when I was 25 I my trip in.

✓ When I was 25 I went on a trip there.

The original is fragmented and repeats phrases. Use simple past 'went on a trip' to express the action and add 'there' if referring to Central Park or the city. Suggestion: keep the clause concise: 'When I was 25, I went on a trip there.'

× I go walk for my garden, the park, the pet park in near my hometown, in in my hometown there are so many pets and people and I walk around that park, but it is really fun.

✓ I go for walks in my garden, the park, and the pet park near my hometown. In my hometown there are many pets and people, and I enjoy walking around that park; it's really fun.

Use the idiom 'go for walks.' Correct article and preposition use: 'near my hometown.' Remove duplicate 'in' and split into two sentences for clarity. Use 'enjoy' for preference and 'it's' for 'it is.' Suggestion: use parallel structure for listing places and split long sentences into shorter ones.