Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix tense and word order (e.g. "when I start work again").

例: Not really. At the moment I stay at home to look after my young daughter, so I don't walk much. However, when I return to work I will walk a lot because my job involves moving between different sites.

提案: Answer directly with correct past tense and clearer structure. Use linking words to sequence events and provide one specific detail (distance, time, or routine). Remove hesitations.

例: Yes, I did. When I was a child I used to walk to and from school every day, and I also walked to tuition classes in the afternoons, so I walked quite a lot as a kid.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then add two specific reasons with linking words and varied vocabulary. Avoid repetition and correct plural/singular forms.

例: People enjoy walking in parks for several reasons. For example, some walk their dogs to give them exercise, while others take their children for fresh air and play; moreover, parks offer a peaceful environment to relax and meet friends.

提案: Begin with a clear conditional sentence, correct grammar (e.g. "if the weather were pleasant"), and be specific about the place and reasons. Keep it to two or three sentences and use linking words like "because" or "so".

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the Trailland Trail near my home. I prefer that route because it is quiet and scenic, but recently I haven't been able to go because the weather has been poor and I am looking after my daughter.

提案: Answer directly in past tense and be specific about activities. Remove unclear phrases like "did a lot of work" and avoid repetition. Use one clear topic sentence and one supporting detail about what you did and why.

例: Last weekend I went to the UH shopping centre for a short walk. I visited several shops because I wanted to buy new clothes and looked for good bargains.

× I'm not really into walking because these days I'm staying home to take care of my little girl.

✓ I'm not really into walking because these days I stay home to take care of my little girl.

Use simple present for habitual or current routines ('stay' not 'am staying') because 'these days' indicates a general temporary routine rather than an action in progress at this exact moment. Use simple present for habitual states and routines. Suggestion: Use 'I stay' or 'I have been staying' if you want to emphasize a temporary ongoing situation; 'I stay' fits well for routines.

× Once I will start work again, I would do a lot of walking because my work signature is uh, do a lot of work walk.

✓ Once I start work again, I will do a lot of walking because my job requires a lot of walking.

With time clauses starting with 'once', use the present tense ('start') rather than 'will'. Also use 'will' in the main clause for future. 'Work signature' is incorrect collocation; use 'job' and 'requires' for the meaning. Suggestion: Use clear subject-verb agreement and choose appropriate verbs for collocations.

× Child yes uh, when I was kid, I go to school by walking and come back then I go to a my tuition after school.

✓ Yes, when I was a kid, I went to school on foot and came back, then I went to my tuition after school.

The time frame is past ('when I was a kid'), so verbs must be in past tense: 'went' and 'came'. Use 'a kid' and 'on foot' or 'by walking'. Also remove extra article before 'my tuition'. Suggestion: Maintain past tense consistently for past events and use correct articles and prepositions.

× So I did a lot of walking when I was child.

✓ So I did a lot of walking when I was a child.

Missing article 'a' before 'child'. The sentence is past, so 'did' is correct; add 'a' for grammatical noun phrase. Suggestion: Use 'a child' or 'a kid' in such contexts.

× There are many reasons why people go to walk in the parks because some people go walk with their dogs while another other people just walk with their kids because they want to spend some time in the park.

✓ There are many reasons why people walk in parks: some people walk with their dogs while other people walk with their kids because they want to spend time in the park.

Avoid 'go to walk' and use 'walk' directly. Do not use 'the' before plural 'parks' when speaking generally. Remove duplicate 'another other'. Use 'spend time' instead of 'spend some time' is optional but fine; keep concise. Suggestion: Use 'walk in parks' for general statements and eliminate redundant words.

× There is a truckland trail in my area, I would definitely go there if weather gets pleasant because these days the weather condition aren't that good and I'm unable to go outside because my daughter is here with me.

✓ There is a Truckland Trail in my area; I would definitely go there if the weather gets pleasant because these days the weather conditions aren't that good and I'm unable to go outside because my daughter is with me.

Add article 'the' before 'weather' in the conditional clause: 'if the weather gets pleasant'. Use plural 'conditions' if speaking generally, and capitalize proper noun 'Truckland Trail'. Use semicolon or split into sentences to avoid comma splice. 'Here with me' is wordy; 'with me' is clearer. Suggestion: Include 'the' with 'weather' in if-clauses and fix punctuation.

× Last weekend I went to UH shopping centre where I did a lot of work.

✓ Last weekend I went to UH shopping centre where I did a lot of shopping.

Context implies shopping, not 'work'. Use the noun 'shopping' to match the activity. 'Went' is correct past tense. Suggestion: Choose accurate nouns that reflect intended activities.

× I wanted to buy some clothes and I need a lot of work there because I have to.

✓ I wanted to buy some clothes and I needed a lot of help there because I had to.

Mixed tenses: 'wanted' is past, so subsequent verbs should be past ('needed', 'had to'). The original 'need a lot of work' is incorrect collocation; likely 'needed a lot of help' or 'needed to spend a lot of time'. Also 'because I have to' should match past: 'because I had to'. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent within the sentence and use correct collocations ('need help', 'do work', 'spend time').