Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and reduce hesitation. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, 'because' or 'also'). Correct small grammar issues (e.g., 'by walking' not 'by the walk') and avoid repeating the same idea.

例: Yes, I walk a lot. My workplace is about 30 minutes away, so I walk to and from work every day, which adds up to around an hour. Also, I go for a walk in the park every evening because it helps me relax.

提案: Provide a clear past-tense topic sentence and use consistent past tense. Reduce run-on sentences and give one or two concrete details (e.g., who you played with, a memorable activity). Use linking words like 'and' or 'so' sparingly and more precisely.

例: Yes, I often went out as a child. I usually went to the park in the evenings with my friends, and we played basketball for three to four hours, which was a highlight of my childhood.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and organize reasons using linking words ('because', 'also', 'for example'). Use correct vocabulary (e.g., 'parks' not 'sparks'; 'a lot of greenery' or 'lush greenery') and avoid repetition. Offer specific examples of activities people do in parks.

例: People like walking in parks because they are relaxing and restorative. For example, parks have lush greenery and flowers, and people can exercise on trails or watch children play, which helps reduce stress.

提案: Use conditional grammar correctly ('I would like to') and avoid hesitation. State the location clearly and give specific reasons why you would choose it, using coherent linking words ('because' or 'so'). Avoid vague phrases like 'fulfill our dreams' without explanation—give a concrete feeling or purpose.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk to the Sikh temple about an hour from my hometown. I would choose it because walking there feels peaceful and spiritual, and it would give me time to reflect and make personal wishes.

提案: Answer directly in past tense and avoid filler words. Give a concise topic sentence stating where you went, then add one or two specific details (who you went with, why, or what you did) using linking words like 'with' or 'because'. Correct grammar (e.g., 'I went to Patiala last week' not 'I was going to the Patiala').

例: Last week I went for a walk in a park about 30 minutes from my house. I went with a friend while we were visiting Patiala for university-related business, and we walked around the lake and talked for about an hour.

× my workplace is uh 30 minutes away from my home, so I prefer to go out, uh, go there by the walk.

✓ my workplace is about 30 minutes away from my home, so I prefer to go there on foot.

Use 'about' for approximate time and the correct prepositional phrase is 'on foot' not 'by the walk'. 'Go out, go there' is redundant; simplify to 'go there'.

× I'm going there and coming by the walk.

✓ I walk there and back.

Use 'walk' as a verb and 'there and back' to express round trip. 'By the walk' is incorrect; 'walk' does not take 'by' in this context.

× So it's around one hour of walking uh, I prefer daily apart from this, I go to the park every evening and walking there.

✓ So it's around one hour of walking daily. Apart from this, I go to the park every evening and walk there.

Combine sentences and use simple present 'walk' for habitual actions. 'Walking there' is a -ing form incorrectly used; use base verb after 'and' for parallel structure.

× Yes, I remember when I was child, I usually go to the park in the evening and play with my friend and we usually play basketball and it's around 3-4 hour I spend there with my friends and it's a very good time at that stage.

✓ Yes, I remember when I was a child, I usually went to the park in the evening and played with my friends. We usually played basketball, and I spent around 3-4 hours there with them. It was a very good time.

When talking about past habits, use past tense (went, played, spent). Add article 'a child'. Use plural 'friends' and correct time phrase '3-4 hours'. Break long run-on sentence into clearer sentences.

× I think sparks are good, uh, for relax our mind as well as body because there is a lush of greenery, flowers and uh, many play many playgrounds of different kinds of sports.

✓ I think parks are good for relaxing our minds as well as our bodies because they have lush greenery, flowers, and many playgrounds for different kinds of sports.

Correct noun 'parks' (not 'sparks') and use gerund 'relaxing' after 'for'. 'Our mind' and 'body' should be pluralized to 'our minds' and 'our bodies' for general statement. Use 'they have' and 'playgrounds for' to express possession and purpose.

× So when people go there, they meet different kind of people, watch that, watch the children who are playing and talking with each other and relax their mind.

✓ So when people go there, they meet different kinds of people, watch the children playing and talking with each other, and relax their minds.

Use plural 'kinds' after 'different', remove redundant 'watch that', use participle 'playing' rather than 'who are playing' for conciseness, and pluralize 'minds'.

× If I had a chance, I prefer to go the Sikh temple, which is around one hour from my hometown.

✓ If I had the chance, I would prefer to go to the Sikh temple, which is about one hour from my hometown.

Conditional 'If I had the chance' requires 'would prefer' in the result clause. Use 'to go to' (preposition 'to' is required) and 'about' for approximate time.

× So I prefer to go there because it's a like, uh, religious temple.

✓ So I prefer to go there because it's a religious temple.

Remove 'a like' which is incorrect. 'A religious temple' or simply 'a temple' is sufficient; 'it's a religious temple' is correct article usage.

× So, uh, I think when we go there by walk, we feel we can, uh, fulfill our dreams and make the wishes so.

✓ So, I think when we walk there, we feel we can fulfill our dreams and make wishes.

Use 'walk' as verb rather than 'go there by walk'. Remove unnecessary 'the' before 'wishes' and redundant 'so'. Use simple present conditional/ability 'feel we can'.

× I remember the time, uh, last week, I was going to the Patiala for the degree W degrees of my university.

✓ I remember last week I went to Patiala for a degree event of my university.

Use simple past 'went' for completed action. Remove unnecessary 'the' before 'Patiala' and clarify the phrase 'degree event' because 'degree W degrees' is unclear; use 'for a degree event' or state purpose clearly.

× So my friend, uh, and I go to the park, which is around 30 minutes away from our house. So I was go there.

✓ So my friend and I went to the park, which is around 30 minutes away from our house. So I went there.

Use past tense 'went' for past events. Remove comma splice and correct 'I was go' to 'I went'. Use 'my friend and I' as subject.