Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答は内容が伝わるが、文法ミス、語彙選択、冗長さが目立ちます。まず、直球での主張（topic sentence）を明確にし、その後で具体的な理由を2つまでに絞って述べましょう。接続詞（for example, because, so, when）を正しく使い、文は5つ以内に収めてください。発音や数の一致（town has, wide roads）にも注意を払ってください。練習の際は短く明瞭な英文を繰り返して、語順と冠詞の使い方を直してください。

例: Yes, I walk a lot because my town is very pleasant for walking. For example, it has many trees and wide roads, so I feel comfortable walking there. When I have free time, I usually walk with my dog or meet friends for a stroll.

提案: 答えは個人的な経験を含めている点は良いが、時制の一貫性、文の完結性、具体性が不足しています。過去の習慣を述べるときは過去形で簡潔に述べ、理由や感情を一つか二つの具体的な例で補足しましょう。不要な語の繰り返しを避け、文を最後まで完結させてください。

例: Yes, I often walked outside with my parents when I was a child. I remember those walks clearly because we explored different streets and my dog always ran happily, which made the outings very exciting.

提案: 主張はあるが語彙や文法の誤り、論理のつながりが弱く、具体的な理由や例が不十分です。まずトピックセンテンスで直接答え（People like parks because...）を述べ、その後に2つの具体的な理由（自然、社交の場）を論理的な接続詞で繋ぎます。相手に伝わるように、'nature'のような単語の複数形や所有格の誤用に注意してください。

例: People like walking in parks because they offer natural surroundings and a relaxed atmosphere. For example, parks have trees and flowers that reduce stress, and they are also places where families, children, and elderly people can meet and socialize.

提案: 意図は明確だが、語順や語彙（spring, seasonal flowers）、冗長表現、文の不完結が見られます。仮定法を使う簡潔な主張（I would like to... because...）と、季節や具体的な景色の描写を1〜2文で補足すると効果的です。'cherry blossoms in spring'のような正しいフレーズを覚え、余分な言葉は削りましょう。

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk in the park in Asakusa because it is famous for its cherry blossoms in spring. I enjoy seeing seasonal flowers, so walking under the cherry trees would be very peaceful.

提案: 内容は伝わるが、文法（時制・語順）、余分な語句（I rate 3は不要）、句読点の欠如、冗長表現が問題です。過去の出来事を述べるときは過去形で明快に述べ、理由と結果を短く整理しましょう。数える必要のない情報は削除し、'we had a picnic'などの自然な表現を使ってください。

例: Recently, I went for a walk to the park near my station with my boyfriend because the weather was sunny. We had a picnic there and enjoyed a pleasant walk together.

× Yes, I walk about because I like to talk around my town.

✓ Yes, I walk a lot because I like to walk around my town.

The student used 'about' and 'talk' incorrectly. 'Walk a lot' is the correct phrase for frequently walking. 'Walk around' is the correct verb phrase, not 'talk around'. Use the base verb 'walk' to describe the action. Suggestion: practice collocations like 'walk a lot' and 'walk around the town'.

× My town have a lot of trees and widen roads so it is comfortable for me to walk around there.

✓ My town has a lot of trees and wide roads, so it is comfortable for me to walk around there.

Subject 'My town' is singular and requires 'has' not 'have'. 'Widen' is the wrong form; the adjective 'wide' describes 'roads'. Also add a comma before the coordinating clause. Suggestion: check subject-verb agreement and adjective forms.

× When I have nothing to do.

✓ When I have nothing to do, I usually go for a walk with my dog and also with my friends.

The original is a sentence fragment (subordinate clause) and lacks a main clause. Combine it with the following sentence to make a complete sentence. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments by ensuring each sentence has a main verb and subject.

× I usually go for a walk with my dog and also with my friends.

✓ I usually go for a walk with my dog or with my friends.

The original is not strictly wrong but 'and also with my friends' is awkward. Using 'or' clarifies that sometimes it's the dog, sometimes friends. Suggestion: choose conjunctions that reflect the intended meaning.

× Yes, I often went outside to have a walk when I was a child because I like to walk around my town with my mom and dad.

✓ Yes, I often went outside to have a walk when I was a child because I liked to walk around my town with my mom and dad.

The main clause refers to the past ('when I was a child'), so the reason clause should also be in past tense: 'liked' not 'like'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent when describing past habits.

× This was very memorable for me and also I liked my dog very much, so walking with him was very exciting and.

✓ This was very memorable for me. I liked my dog very much, so walking with him was very exciting.

The original ends with an incomplete phrase ('and.'). It should be split into two sentences and the trailing 'and' removed. Suggestion: avoid dangling conjunctions and ensure sentences end complete thoughts.

× I think the reason people like to work around the park is that there are a lot of natures in the parks and also there are a lot of children and elderly people in the park.

✓ I think the reason people like to walk around the park is that there is a lot of nature in parks and there are many children and elderly people there.

'Work' is incorrect; 'walk' fits context. 'Natures' is incorrect; 'nature' is uncountable. Use 'there is' for uncountable noun. 'Parks' plural or 'the park' must be consistent; simplified to 'parks' and 'there'. Also 'a lot of' with countable becomes 'many'. Suggestion: use correct lexical verbs and noun forms and match singular/plural usage.

× So I think the park is a place to interact with many people's and the new meetings will.

✓ So I think the park is a place to interact with many people and to meet new people.

'People's' is a possessive form incorrectly used; should be plural 'people'. 'The new meetings will' is incomplete and ungrammatical; rephrase to 'to meet new people'. Suggestion: avoid unnecessary apostrophes and complete the idea with proper verbs.

× I would like to go to the park which is located in Asakusa because there are a lot of cherry blossoms in springs and also I like to see some flowers, also seasonal flowers, so walking with looking some cherry something.

✓ I would like to go to the park in Asakusa because there are a lot of cherry blossoms in spring, and I like to see seasonal flowers, so I enjoy walking and looking at the cherry blossoms.

Use 'in spring' (no 's'). 'Walking with looking some cherry something' is ungrammatical; change to 'walking and looking at the cherry blossoms'. Also simplify 'which is located in' to 'in'. Suggestion: use correct prepositional phrases and coordinate gerunds correctly (walking and looking at).

× I rate 3, went for a walk to the park which is near my station with my boyfriend because the weather is very good, sunny and also we enjoyed picnic at the park and walking it's very good.

✓ A few days ago I went for a walk to the park near my station with my boyfriend because the weather was very nice and sunny. We also enjoyed a picnic at the park and the walk was very pleasant.

'I rate 3' is unclear; likely intended to say 'recently' or 'a few days ago'. Use past tense 'went' and 'was' for weather. 'Enjoyed picnic' needs an article: 'enjoyed a picnic'. 'Walking it's very good' is ungrammatical; rephrase to 'the walk was very pleasant'. Suggestion: use clear time expressions, correct past tense, articles, and avoid run-on sentences.