Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, yeah), correct grammar (e.g., "I work a lot" seems irrelevant), and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words like "so" or "for example."

例: Yes, I walk quite often, especially at weekends. For example, I usually go hiking in the mountains near Tokyo because the trails are easy and the views are beautiful.

提案: Use correct tense and a clear topic sentence. Avoid repetition and fillers, and give a reason or brief example to support your statement. Use linking words like "because" to explain why. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I rarely went outside as a child because I preferred computers and indoor activities. For instance, I often spent afternoons playing games or learning on my computer instead of going for walks.

提案: Be more fluent and specific. Remove fillers and use plural/singular correctly ("nature" not "nature's"). Provide linked reasons and an example of benefits. Use linking words like "because" and "for example."

例: People like walking in parks because they can get fresh air and relax in a natural setting. For example, hearing birds and seeing green trees and blue skies can improve mood and reduce stress.

提案: Answer the hypothetical question directly and clearly. State the place you would choose, give a reason, and avoid hesitations. If you can't remember a name, say so succinctly and give another detail instead. Keep it to two sentences.

例: I would like to take a long walk in the mountains of Gunma because the trails are peaceful and the scenery is impressive. For example, I once hiked a mountain there and enjoyed the quiet forests and wide views.

提案: Be more confident and give clear specific details: name the park if possible, use past tense correctly, and organize sentences with linking words like "we" or "then." Describe one or two details (what you saw and did).

例: Recently I went to a large park where I saw beautiful cherry blossoms. I had made sandwiches in the morning and we had a picnic under the trees, which was very relaxing.

× I like to go hiking in uh, mountains near Tokyo.

✓ I like to go hiking in the mountains near Tokyo.

Missing definite article before a specific noun phrase. Use 'the' with 'mountains near Tokyo' because it refers to a particular set of mountains; this is classified under third person singular issue (ID 2) as the verb 'like' is correct but the noun phrase needs article correction to be grammatical. Suggestion: use 'the' when referring to specific geographic features.'

× Uh, they are easy to hike mountains, but I, yeah.

✓ They are easy mountains to hike, but I haven't hiked them much.

Original word order is incorrect and the sentence lacks a clear verb phrase. Reordering to 'easy mountains to hike' fixes structure and adding a clause clarifies meaning. This fits sentence structure errors (ID 26). Suggestion: place 'to hike' after the noun and provide a clear main verb.'

× In my childhood, I rarely go outside and I walked, uh, I liked my computers and I was, uh, indoor person.

✓ In my childhood, I rarely went outside; I liked computers and was an indoor person.

Tense consistency error: 'in my childhood' requires past tense ('went', 'liked', 'was'). Also article missing before 'indoor person'. This matches present tense issue (ID 6) because present tense 'go' is incorrectly used instead of past. Suggestion: use past tense throughout when talking about the past and use articles where needed.'

× And yeah, I, I use, I spend a lot of time.

✓ And yeah, I spent a lot of time on them.

Unclear pronoun reference and incorrect tense/verb choice. 'Use' is present and redundant; past tense 'spent' matches context. Adding 'on them' clarifies what time was spent. Classified as sentence structure errors (ID 26). Suggestion: keep tense consistent and include clear objects for verbs.'

× I think it's because, uh, people, uh, need more fresh air and nature's.

✓ I think it's because people need more fresh air and nature.

Incorrect use of possessive apostrophe-s ('nature's') when the noun 'nature' should be uncountable noun without apostrophe. This fits incorrect use of adjectives or nouns (ID 13). Suggestion: remove apostrophe and use 'nature' as an uncountable noun.'

× I also like, uh, sound surrounded by nature's and I want to see, uh, greens and blue skies.

✓ I also like the sounds of being surrounded by nature, and I want to see green trees and blue skies.

Multiple issues: 'sound surrounded by nature's' is ungrammatical; 'greens' should be 'green trees' or 'greenery'. Also remove possessive 'nature's'. Classified under incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs (ID 13). Suggestion: use 'the sounds of being surrounded by nature' and 'green trees' or 'greenery'.'

× Yeah, it is. Feel better.

✓ Yeah, it makes me feel better.

Sentence fragment: 'Feel better' lacks a subject. 'It makes me feel better' is a complete sentence. This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Suggestion: include subject and appropriate verb.'

× I usually go hiking uh, for example, I went scuba San, which is, uh, which is a mountain placed in Gunma.

✓ I usually go hiking. For example, I went to Mount Scuba-san, which is a mountain located in Gunma.

Run-on sentence and awkward phrasing 'placed in Gunma'. Use 'went to' for places and 'located in' for location. This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Suggestion: split into two sentences and use 'went to' plus 'located in'.'

× No, it, it was uh, actually Toji. I, I forgot that, but.

✓ No, it was actually Toji; I forgot that.

Redundant fillers and punctuation; 'was' is correct past tense but sentence fragment ends awkwardly. Clean version uses past tense and removes fillers. Classified as past tense issue (ID 5) because past reference should be concise. Suggestion: remove filler words and finish the sentence.'

× I went to, uh, a large park called, uh, you know, consider a park, uh, in there I saw cherry blossoms and I ate sandwiches I made in the morning.

✓ I went to a large park called 'Consider Park'. There I saw cherry blossoms and ate the sandwiches I had made in the morning.

Confusing phrasing 'you know, consider a park' and tense consistency: use past perfect 'had made' for sandwiches made before the outing. Classified as sentence structure errors (ID 26). Suggestion: state the park name clearly and use past perfect for actions completed before another past action.'

× And so we did. We went picnic.

✓ So we had a picnic.

'Went picnic' is incorrect collocation; use 'had a picnic'. This is an article/collocation error (ID 22). Suggestion: use the verb 'have' with 'picnic' and include the indefinite article 'a'.