Keys— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: give a clear topic sentence, remove fillers (uh, um), and clarify unusual phrase "mentor key" (likely "main key" or "house key"). Keep to 2–3 sentences and use a linking word if needed.

例: No, I usually carry just one key. It's my main house key and I keep it on its own, not on a key ring.

提案: Avoid fillers and tighten the structure: start with a direct answer, then give a concise reason and a brief supporting detail. Use a linking word to connect the reason.

例: No, I've never lost my keys. I always keep them in a specific pocket of my bag, so I haven't had that kind of problem.

提案: Answer directly and summarize the incident briefly without repetition or disfluency. Use linking words to sequence events (first, then, finally) and avoid unnecessary repetition like "we got to." Keep to 3–4 sentences max.

例: Yes, once when I was in Nepal I accidentally locked myself out of my bedroom because the key was inside. First I tried to open the door myself, but then I called a locksmith. He broke the lock and we were able to get back in.

提案: Clarify vocabulary (you said "kids" but meant "keys"). Give a clear opinion then specific reasons (safety, trust) and a brief conditional or alternative. Use linking words for coherence.

例: No, I wouldn't leave my keys with a neighbor. I don't trust people I don't know well, so for safety I prefer to use a secure key safe or leave a spare with a family member.

× I always carry a single key, which is my mentor key and uh, it is uh, without a ring.

✓ I always carry a single key, which is my main key, and it is without a ring.

The word 'mentor' is incorrect in this context; the intended word is 'main' (article error/word choice). Also 'and uh, it is uh, without a ring' is awkward; streamline to 'and it is without a ring.' Suggestion: replace 'mentor' with 'main' and remove filler words for clarity.

× Luckily I have never lost my keys, I always keep them safe in my bag so I didn't face any, umm, hassle like this before.

✓ Luckily I have never lost my keys; I always keep them safe in my bag, so I haven't faced any hassle like this before.

The sentence mixes present perfect ('have never lost') and simple past ('didn't face') inconsistently. Use present perfect for life experiences and actions relevant to now: 'haven't faced.' Also change comma splice to semicolon or separate sentences. Remove filler words.

× Yes, unfortunately I have faced one incident like this, uh, when I was in Nepal, I locked myself out of the bedroom, but the key was inside the bedroom.

✓ Yes, unfortunately I had one incident like this when I was in Nepal: I locked myself out of the bedroom and the key was inside.

Use simple past or past perfect consistently. 'Have faced one incident' is awkward; 'I had one incident' or 'I experienced an incident' is better. Also streamline repetition ('bedroom' twice) and conjunctions: use 'and' instead of 'but' because it is a continuation, not contrast.

× So at last I had to call up a technician.

✓ So in the end I had to call a technician.

'At last' is acceptable but 'in the end' is more natural; 'call up' is informal but acceptable. This sentence is past tense and correct; suggestion simplifies and removes phrasal redundancy.

× He came and broke the lock.

✓ He came and broke the lock.

This sentence is grammatically correct in past tense. No change needed. Suggestion: it's fine as is; keep concise.

× After that, we got to, we got to enter the room.

✓ After that, we were able to enter the room.

The original repeats 'we got to' and is ungrammatical. Use 'we were able to' or 'we got to enter' (only once). The corrected version is clear and idiomatic.

× No, I don't prefer leaving kids with with a new neighbor because we live in a city where we cannot trust anybody without our blood relation so I don't like this.

✓ No, I don't prefer leaving keys with a new neighbor because we live in a city where we cannot trust anyone who is not a blood relative, so I don't like that.

Multiple errors: 'kids' is wrong word for 'keys' (word choice/pronoun misuse). Duplicate 'with with' is typo. 'Anybody without our blood relation' is ungrammatical; 'anyone who is not a blood relative' is correct. Also 'this' is vague; 'that' refers to the action. Suggestions: use correct noun 'keys,' fix duplicates, and rephrase relative clause.