Food— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct errors (sushi is Japanese, not western), and give one or two specific reasons with a linking word. Avoid repetition and long lists.

例: My favourite food is sushi. I enjoy it because I like the fresh taste of salmon and other fish, and the soy-based dipping sauce adds a salty, umami flavour. Also, sushi is light and healthy, so I often choose it when I want a balanced meal.

提案: Use correct tense and more precise vocabulary. Give one clear topic sentence in past tense, then add a specific reason and an example. Reduce repetition of adjectives.

例: When I was young, I loved custard. It was a smooth, sweet dessert that I enjoyed because of its creamy texture, especially after school as a treat. For example, my grandmother often made vanilla custard with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.

提案: Be specific and keep tense consistent. Answer the general question first about seasonal changes, then give a clear, relevant example in past tense. Correct spelling and provide concise description of the example.

例: Yes, I tend to eat different foods depending on the season. For example, last winter when I travelled to Karachi I tried Nihari, a spicy slow-cooked beef stew; its rich flavour and tender meat made it ideal for cold weather.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and clarify continuity or change. Use correct tense and add a specific detail explaining why it has stayed the same or changed. Avoid vague phrasing like 'I eat very enjoyably.'

例: Not really — my favourite food is still custard. I still enjoy it because I like the creamy texture and sweet flavour; whenever it is freshly made at family gatherings I always ask for a large portion.

× My favorite food is sushi and I really like sushi because it is an western dish and I really like western foods like salmon, fish and the one sauce we had with sushi, I really like it.

✓ My favorite food is sushi, and I really like sushi because it is a Western dish. I really like Western foods like salmon and other fish, and the sauce we have with sushi; I really like it.

Errors: incorrect use of the indefinite article before a word beginning with a consonant-sound ('an western' should be 'a Western') and inconsistent capitalization of 'Western'. Run-on sentence and punctuation issues were fixed by splitting into clearer sentences. Suggestion: Use 'a' before consonant sounds, capitalize proper adjectives like 'Western', and break long clauses into separate sentences or use appropriate punctuation.

× When I was young, I really like custard.

✓ When I was young, I really liked custard.

Error: tense inconsistency. The time expression 'When I was young' refers to the past, so the verb should be past tense ('liked') rather than present ('like'). Suggestion: Match verb tense to the time reference.

× Custard is an creamy, fluffy, sweet dish and in my younger age I really like to eat fluffy and soft things and it's also sweet sweet.

✓ Custard is a creamy, fluffy, sweet dish, and when I was younger I really liked to eat fluffy, soft things; it is also very sweet.

Errors: wrong article 'an' before consonant-sound 'creamy' should be 'a'. Repetition 'sweet sweet' is redundant. 'In my younger age' is unnatural; use 'when I was younger'. Also tense consistency: 'like' changed to 'liked'. Suggestion: Use 'a' before consonant sounds, avoid repetition, and use natural time expressions with matching tense.

× I love sweet dishes so.

✓ I love sweet dishes.

Error: sentence ended awkwardly with 'so' which is unnecessary here. Keep simple present 'love' for a general preference. Suggestion: Remove extraneous words and use complete sentence.

× When I was traveling in previous 2025 in Karachi, I eat it Nihari, which is very different in taste and the texture and the very soft piece of beef in Nehari.

✓ When I was traveling in 2025 in Karachi, I ate Nihari, which is very different in taste and texture; it has very soft pieces of beef.

Errors: 'previous 2025' is awkward; use year alone or 'in 2025'. Verb tense: 'eat' should be past 'ate' to match 'was traveling'. Spelling inconsistency 'Nihari'/'Nehari' standardized to 'Nihari'. Article and noun agreement: 'the very soft piece of beef' -> 'very soft pieces of beef' for natural description. Suggestion: Use consistent past tense for past events, correct verb forms, and consistent spelling.

× Not really, I really like custard nowadays and when it was cooked I eat very enjoyably and I like it.

✓ Not really. I still really like custard nowadays, and when it is cooked I eat it very enjoyably; I like it a lot.

Errors: mixing past and present incorrectly. 'Nowadays' requires present tense so 'like' is fine, but 'when it was cooked I eat' mixes past and present; change to 'when it is cooked I eat it very enjoyably' or use past consistently ('when it was cooked I ate it'). Also add object 'it' after 'eat'. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent with time expressions, include objects for transitive verbs, and avoid awkward adverb placement; 'very enjoyably' is unusual but acceptable—alternatively use 'with great enjoyment' or 'I enjoy it very much'.