Food— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler's, and give one or two specific supporting details using a linking word. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., “which is” and word order).

例: My favourite food is Mongolian dumplings served with milk tea. I like them because the warm, savory dumplings and the slightly sweet tea make me feel calm and relaxed after a meal.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, reduce repetition, and add a specific reason or short example using a linking word. Use past tense consistently and avoid redundant phrases.

例: When I was young, I loved pizza and burgers because they had just arrived in Mongolia and felt very exciting. For example, I used to save my pocket money to buy a burger at the weekend.

提案: Provide a complete, coherent response: start with a topic sentence, use linking words (for example, “in contrast” or “however”), and finish your winter explanation. Avoid fillers and complete the sentence about winter’s weather.

例: Yes, I do. In summer I eat more fruits and vegetables because it is very hot in Mongolia; for instance, I often have cold salads and berries. In contrast, in winter I prefer soups and other hot dishes because the temperatures drop extremely low.

提案: Answer directly with a clear comparison, use past and present tense correctly, remove hesitations and repetitions, and give a brief reason for the change. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, it has changed. As a child I preferred pizza and burgers, but now I enjoy soups more because I find them healthier and better suited to cold weather.

× I really love dumplings with milk tea, which that's Mongolian traditional cuisine.

✓ I really love dumplings with milk tea, which is Mongolian traditional cuisine.

The phrase 'which that's' is redundant and ungrammatical. Use 'which is' to introduce a non-restrictive clause describing the cuisine. Also 'Mongolian traditional cuisine' is acceptable but 'traditional Mongolian cuisine' is more natural; consider reordering adjectives: 'which is traditional Mongolian cuisine.'

× Umm because when I eat it if I feel so calm and calm and sleepy and after after eating.

✓ When I eat them, I feel calm and sleepy afterwards.

Sentence contains redundant conjunctions and repeated words ('umm', 'because', 'if', duplicate 'after'). 'Dumplings' is plural so use 'them'. Use simple structure: 'When I eat them, I feel calm and sleepy afterwards.' Remove filler words and repetition.

× I remember I enjoyed pizza and burgers a lot when I was young because they just entered into Mongolian Market and they were so new for me and I remember I always wanted to eat them.

✓ I remember enjoying pizza and burgers a lot when I was young because they had just entered the Mongolian market and they were new to me, so I always wanted to eat them.

Use past perfect 'had just entered' to show an action completed before 'when I was young'. Use 'enjoying' or 'I enjoyed' for past reference; avoid repeating 'I remember'. 'Entered into' is incorrect — use 'entered the market' or 'had entered the market'. 'New for me' should be 'new to me.' Combine clauses for clarity.

× they just entered into Mongolian Market and they were so new for me

✓ they had just entered the Mongolian market and they were new to me

Use past perfect 'had just entered' for an earlier past action. 'Market' as a common noun should be lowercase and preceded by the definite article 'the' when referring to the national market. Use the preposition 'to' with 'new' ('new to me'). Remove unnecessary 'so.'

× I try to eat vegetables and fruits in summer because summer in Mongolia is very hot.

✓ I try to eat vegetables and fruit in summer because summer in Mongolia is very hot.

Use 'fruit' as an uncountable noun when speaking generally; 'fruits' can be used but 'fruit' is more natural. No preposition error here besides noun choice; sentence otherwise correct.

× But on the other hand, I, umm, try to eat a lot of soup and warm foods in winter because winter in Mongolia is so.

✓ But in winter I try to eat a lot of soup and warm foods because winter in Mongolia is very cold.

Original ends abruptly ('is so'). Replace with 'is very cold.' Remove filler 'umm' and the redundant phrase 'on the other hand' unless contrasting clearly. More natural word order: 'in winter I try...'. 'A lot of soup' could be 'a lot of soups' or 'a lot of soup'; context prefers 'a lot of soup' meaning soup frequently.

× Yes, I realized few weeks ago, although I get I started to like soups, enjoy soups a lot, but when I was a child I prefer umm, prefer umm, pizza, burgers.

✓ Yes, I realized a few weeks ago that I have started to like soups and enjoy them a lot, but when I was a child I preferred pizza and burgers.

Use 'a few weeks ago' with 'realized' (simple past). For change continuing to present, use present perfect 'have started.' Remove duplicated words ('I get I started', repeated 'prefer'). Past preference requires past tense 'preferred.' Use 'enjoy them' to refer back to soups. Include 'that' after 'realized' for clarity.