Food— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce filler words (uh, um), correct grammar (e.g., 'one of my cousins' -> 'one of my cousins' or just 'my cousin'), and avoid unnecessary details. Use one or two supporting details with linking words. Aim for 3–4 sentences total.

例: My favourite food is Italian white-sauce pasta. I first tried it when my cousin Benny, who grew up in Italy, cooked the authentic recipe for me. Since then I have loved it and often cook it myself because it is creamy and comforting.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers, and give a specific example or reason. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, 'because' or 'however'). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: When I was young I preferred spicy and junk food. At home my mother cooked simple, traditional meals, so I often chose fast food and spicy snacks with my friends because they tasted more exciting.

提案: Good structure and clear examples; improve accuracy and specificity. Remove vague phrases ('or the enough minerals', 'because we can'), use precise linking words and explain briefly why seasonal eating matters. Keep sentences concise.

例: Yes, we do. In my country people choose seasonal foods to stay healthy: for example, we eat more spinach and root vegetables in winter for extra vitamins and minerals, while in summer we prefer lighter salads and fresh vegetables to stay cool and hydrated.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, correct grammar, remove fillers, and clarify the last point (unclear 'reading more junk food'). Use one linking word to show contrast (e.g., 'however' or 'but'). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, my favourite food has changed. As a child I loved savoury rice, but now I prefer Italian white-sauce pasta; however, I still enjoy the occasional junk food as a treat.

× My favorite dish is Italian white sauce pasta.

✓ My favorite dish is Italian white-sauce pasta.

Use of the article is acceptable but the adjective phrase 'white sauce' should be hyphenated when used as a compound adjective before a noun: 'white-sauce pasta'. This clarifies that the pasta is made with white sauce. Also 'Italian white-sauce pasta' orders modifiers correctly: nationality then compound adjective.

× I first ate it when my one of my cousin cooked it for me.

✓ I first ate it when one of my cousins cooked it for me.

The phrase 'my one of my cousin' is ungrammatical. Use 'one of my cousins' to indicate a single cousin among several. Do not combine 'my' and 'one of my' together. Also plural 'cousins' is required after 'one of'.

× He was born and raised in Italy.

✓ He was born and raised in Italy.

This sentence is correct. It uses pronouns appropriately and the passive construction is fine. No change needed.

× His name is Benny so he knows uh, the real recipe, how to cook it.

✓ His name is Benny, so he knows the real recipe and how to cook it.

Run-on and awkward coordination: connect clauses with 'and' and remove filler 'uh'. Add a comma before 'so' to separate clauses. This improves clarity and grammar.

× And then I since then I love it and whenever I get a chance I just love to cook it for myself.

✓ Since then, I have loved it, and whenever I get a chance I cook it for myself.

Tense and redundancy issues: 'Since then' requires present perfect 'have loved' to show continuing feeling from past to present. Remove redundant 'and then' and 'just love to' to produce natural phrasing. Use simple present 'cook' for habitual action.

× I think when I was young I was so much into umm, trying spicy and junk food because at my home my mother always cook very simple and uh, traditional food.

✓ I think when I was young I was really into trying spicy and junk food because at home my mother always cooked very simple, traditional food.

Subject-verb agreement and tense: 'mother always cook' should be past tense 'cooked' to match 'when I was young'. 'So much into umm' is informal; use 'really into'. Remove extra 'my' before 'home'. Commas improve the adjective list.

× Uh, but I was into junk food I think by then.

✓ But I was into junk food back then, I think.

Word choice and order: use 'back then' or 'by then' with clearer placement. Place 'I think' at the end for natural speech. Add comma to separate clause. Tense 'was' is correct.

× For example in winter we eat more spinach so we can get enough vitamins or the enough minerals and in the summers we eat more vegetables because we can.

✓ For example, in winter we eat more spinach so we can get enough vitamins and minerals, and in summer we eat more vegetables because they are in season.

Quantifier and article issues: remove extra 'the' before 'enough minerals'. Use 'vitamins and minerals' (no 'or'). 'In the summers' is better as 'in summer' for general habit. 'Because we can' is vague; replace with 'because they are in season' for clarity.

× I believe yes.

✓ I believe so.

'I believe yes' is awkward. Use 'I believe so' or 'I think so' as natural responses. This is a stylistic correction to match English idiom.

× I think when I was kid my favorite dish was uh savoury rice.

✓ I think when I was a kid my favorite dish was savory rice.

Missing article: use 'a kid'. Spelling 'savoury' is British; accept American 'savory' depending on variety—keep consistent. Tense 'was' is correct for past.

× But after growing up I am more into a white sauce Italian pasta that is my favorite dish and even though there I have started reading more junk food now.

✓ But after growing up, I became more into white-sauce Italian pasta; that is now my favorite dish. However, I have also started eating more junk food recently.

Multiple issues: tense consistency—use 'became' to show change after growing up. Hyphenate 'white-sauce'. Split run-on sentence into two or three sentences. 'Even though there I have started reading more junk food now' includes wrong verb 'reading' and 'even though there' is incorrect. Replace with 'I have also started eating more junk food recently' for correct verb and time reference.