Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small grammar and word choice errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail using a linking word. Avoid capitalizing common nouns and be precise (e.g., 'shopping mall' not 'Super mall').

例: Yes. There are many tall buildings near my home because I live in Shenzhen’s city centre. For example, the neighbourhood has numerous office towers and a large shopping mall, so the skyline looks very dense.

提案: Make a clear, fluent response without hesitations and clarify what kinds of buildings attract you. Use a linking phrase to add a specific reason or example. Avoid fragmented sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing buildings, especially when I travel. In particular, historic buildings attract me because their architecture tells a story, for example, old churches or traditional houses with ornate details.

提案: Correct factual and grammatical issues: the Great Wall is usually called a 'structure' rather than a 'building' and fix article use. Give a clear topic sentence, then add a reason with a linking word and a specific detail about what you want to see.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Great Wall of China because it is one of the most important historical structures in Chinese history. For instance, I want to walk along a restored section near Beijing to see the ancient watchtowers and the views over the mountains.

× Yes, there are many tall buildings near where I live because I live in the city center of Shenzhen. The area is full of skyscrapers with office and the Super mall.

✓ Yes, there are many tall buildings near where I live because I live in the city center of Shenzhen. The area is full of skyscrapers with offices and a super mall.

Errors: 'office' is singular and uncountable here but intended plural 'offices'; 'the Super mall' incorrectly uses the definite article and capitalization. Use 'offices' to match 'skyscrapers with multiple offices', and 'a super mall' (or 'the Super Mall' only if it is a proper name). Suggestion: use plural nouns to match countable items and use articles correctly for common nouns.

× Yes, I enjoy taking photos of buildings, especially when I travel. The historical and, uh. More than buildings usually attract me.

✓ Yes, I enjoy taking photos of buildings, especially when I travel. Historical buildings and more attractive structures usually attract me.

Errors: sentence fragment 'The historical and, uh. More than buildings' is ungrammatical and unclear. Restructure to 'Historical buildings and more attractive structures usually attract me' to convey meaning. Suggestion: avoid filler breaks in writing/speech and combine ideas into a complete sentence with correct noun phrases.

× I always want to visit the Great Wall in China because as the most significant building during the China's history.

✓ I have always wanted to visit the Great Wall in China because it is one of the most significant structures in China's history.

Errors: 'I always want' is awkward for a desire that persists—use present perfect 'I have always wanted' (or 'I always want to' could be acceptable in speech but not here); 'because as the most significant building during the China's history' is ungrammatical: unnecessary 'as', incorrect article 'the' before 'China's history', and 'building' is better as 'structure' and 'one of the most significant' is more accurate. Suggestion: use 'have always wanted' for ongoing desire, remove redundant words, fix article use for possessive nouns, and use 'one of the' for superlative among many.