Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and avoid hesitation. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details using linking words. For example, correct the phrase “A7 story building” to “a seven-storey building” or “a seven‑story building,” and remove filler words like “uh.” Also break the idea into two sentences to improve clarity.

例: Yes, there are several tall buildings near my apartment. For instance, a new seven‑storey building is being constructed nearby, and I’m worried it will block sunlight from reaching my flat.

提案: Give a direct response first, then add a specific example. Avoid awkward phrases like “non living things” and unnecessary hesitations. Use linking words such as “however” or “but” to connect ideas and be specific about which monuments you would photograph.

例: Not usually. However, I would photograph famous landmarks such as the Burj Khalifa, ancient forts, or the Great Wall of China when I visit them because they are visually impressive and historically important.

提案: Begin with a concise topic sentence, correct repetition, and finish your thought clearly. Avoid repeating “Burj Khalifa” too often and eliminate trailing phrases. Add a reason why you want to visit and a linking word to structure the response.

例: Yes, I would love to visit the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. From the top, I could photograph the city skyline and enjoy panoramic views, which would be fascinating because I’m interested in architecture and cityscapes.

× Yes, there are multiple tall buildings near my apartment and recently there is a construction going on for building A7 story, uh, building which will ultimately cover the sun which will block the sunlight to my house.

✓ Yes, there are several tall buildings near my apartment, and recently construction began on a seven-story building (A7), which will ultimately block the sunlight to my house.

The original sentence misuses 'there is' with an ongoing construction and has awkward phrasing. Use 'construction began' or 'construction is going on' consistently. 'Multiple' is acceptable but 'several' is more natural. 'A7 story' is unclear; corrected to 'a seven-story building (A7)'. Also combine clauses with commas and 'which' to clarify the relative clause. This fixes the 'there be' issue and improves clarity. Suggestion: Use consistent tense for the construction action (e.g., 'construction is underway' or 'construction began').

× To be honest I don't like clicking pictures for buildings or so some non living things.

✓ To be honest, I don't like taking pictures of buildings or other non-living things.

The verb phrase 'clicking pictures' is informal and awkward; 'taking pictures' is idiomatic. 'Or so some non living things' is ungrammatical; use 'or other non-living things'. The correction uses the gerund 'taking' correctly as a noun phrase and fixes word order and collocation issues. Suggestion: Use 'taking pictures of' for natural English and hyphenate 'non-living'.

× But yeah uh I would love to click pictures of very famous monumental structures like Burj Khalifa or different forts or a Great Wall of China whenever I visit.

✓ But I would love to take pictures of very famous monuments like the Burj Khalifa, different forts, or the Great Wall of China whenever I visit.

The original has redundant fillers ('yeah uh') and awkward noun phrases ('very famous monumental structures' is wordy). 'Click pictures' should be 'take pictures'. Use definite article 'the' for named monuments (the Burj Khalifa, the Great Wall of China). Ordering and punctuation were improved for clarity. Suggestion: Remove fillers, use 'take pictures of', and include appropriate articles before specific landmarks.

× As I mentioned earlier, it is my dream to visit Dubai to watch Burj Khalifa and I would love to visit the top of the Burj Khalifa and take photos of the entire Dubai.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, it is my dream to visit Dubai to see the Burj Khalifa, and I would love to go to the top of the Burj Khalifa and take photos of all of Dubai.

'Watch Burj Khalifa' is incorrect collocation; use 'see the Burj Khalifa'. Proper nouns for famous buildings usually take 'the' (the Burj Khalifa). 'Visit the top' is changed to 'go to the top'. 'The entire Dubai' is awkward; use 'all of Dubai' or 'the whole city'. This fixes article errors and awkward verb usage. Suggestion: Use 'see' for viewing landmarks and include 'the' before specific famous structures.

× It will be very fascinating and a dream come true for me to watch the entire Dubai from.

✓ It would be fascinating and a dream come true for me to see all of Dubai from there.

Sentence ended with a preposition and used 'watch' incorrectly. 'Watch the city' is unnatural; 'see all of Dubai from there' is clearer. Also use conditional 'would' to match the hypothetical/dream context. Move 'from' next to its object 'there' to avoid a dangling preposition. Suggestion: Use 'see' instead of 'watch' for viewing a city and place prepositions with their objects (e.g., 'from there').