Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words to connect ideas and correct word order (e.g., “high-rise apartments”). Avoid repetition like “urban and crowded areas” by choosing one accurate adjective or giving a short example.

例: Yes. There are several tall buildings near my home because I live in a busy tourist area. For example, most of them are modern hotels and high-rise apartment blocks, which makes the neighbourhood feel quite crowded.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and then one or two clear, specific reasons. Reduce hesitations and fix grammar (e.g., “I love taking photos” and “it brings back memories”). Use a linking word such as “because” or “so” to connect reason and result, and avoid vague phrases like “visit lots of places in my life.”

例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings because photography is my hobby. For instance, when I travel I photograph interesting facades and interiors so I can remember the places more clearly.

提案: Begin with a clear, direct statement and then provide two specific details. Remove filler words and minor grammar errors (e.g., “I would like to visit the Taj Mahal in the future”). Use linking words like “because” to connect reasons and give one brief additional comment about why it appeals to you personally.

例: I would like to visit the Taj Mahal in the future because it is a UNESCO World Heritage site built by the Mughal emperor Shah Jahan. I am especially interested in its white marble and intricate architecture, which I have only seen in photos.

× All of them are modern hotels and apartments are high rise so they look like urban and crowded areas.

✓ All of them are modern hotels and the apartments are high-rise, so the area looks urban and crowded.

Errors: missing article before 'apartments' phrase, 'high rise' should be hyphenated as adjective 'high-rise', and awkward phrase 'they look like urban and crowded areas'. Use 'the apartments' to specify those previously mentioned, hyphenate compound adjective, and rephrase to 'the area looks urban and crowded' for clarity.

× Yes, why not? Actually, I love to take a photo.

✓ Yes, why not? Actually, I love taking photos.

Use the -ing form after 'love' when talking about general preferences: 'love taking photos' rather than 'love to take a photo'. Also plural 'photos' is more natural when speaking generally.

× I visit lots of places in my life.

✓ I have visited lots of places in my life.

The present perfect ('have visited') is appropriate for experiences up to now. Simple present 'I visit' implies a habitual action, which doesn't match 'in my life' context.

× So obviously I take a photo because it's my hobby and of and uh, it will bring me back your memory in future.

✓ So obviously I take photos because it's my hobby, and they will bring back my memories in the future.

Multiple issues: use plural 'photos' for general activity, pronoun agreement 'my memories' instead of 'your memory', and future reference 'in the future' is more natural. Also remove filler 'of and uh' and match pronoun 'they' to 'photos'.

× If in the future I would like to visit Taj Mahal.

✓ In the future, I would like to visit the Taj Mahal.

Original is a fragment starting with 'If' but missing result clause. Remove 'If' to make a complete sentence. Also use article 'the' before 'Taj Mahal' as the correct English usage.

× It was built by Mughal emperor Shahjahan and is a world UNESCO World Heritage site.

✓ It was built by the Mughal emperor Shahjahan and is a UNESCO World Heritage site.

Include the definite article 'the' before titles like 'Mughal emperor'. 'UNESCO World Heritage site' should not repeat 'world' twice; use the established phrase 'a UNESCO World Heritage site'.

× It's uh, famous because of its architecture and white marble.

✓ It's famous for its architecture and white marble.

Use 'famous for' rather than 'famous because of'. Remove filler 'uh' and keep parallel structure 'architecture and white marble' which is correct; 'for' is the preferred preposition here.