Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, um), reduce repetition, and add one specific supporting detail. Use a linking word if adding detail.

例: No, there aren’t any tall buildings near my home. I live in the countryside near Bologna, so the area is mostly low houses and farmland; the tallest structures are farm silos rather than skyscrapers.

提案: Answer directly, remove hesitations and verbs in wrong tense. Give a brief reason and one example using a linking word to make it coherent.

例: Yes, I often photograph buildings. When I lived in Tokyo there were many skyscrapers, so I frequently took pictures of interesting façades and cityscapes, especially at night when the lights looked impressive.

提案: Be specific and clear: name the building (e.g., Oriental Pearl Tower), avoid vague fillers, and explain why you want to visit using a linking word. Keep to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the Oriental Pearl Tower in Shanghai because of its distinctive spherical design. I’m curious about the observation deck views and the modern architecture, which look very different from buildings in Italy.

提案: Give a clear direct answer, correct tense and grammar, avoid fillers, and provide a specific reason or example. Use a linking word to connect reason to the main idea.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building one day because I have only lived in low-rise apartments. For example, living higher up would give me better views and a quieter environment away from street noise.

× I haven't seen the skyscrapers or some big, big tall, uh, buildings, uh, until for now.

✓ I haven't seen skyscrapers or any very tall buildings until now.

Use plural countable nouns correctly and avoid unnecessary articles: 'skyscrapers' and 'buildings' are plural so do not need 'the' or 'some' here; 'any' fits negative contexts; 'until now' is the correct idiom, not 'until for now'.

× I like to take photos of building uh, when I used to live in Tokyo, uh, there are many uh skyscrapers there.

✓ I like to take photos of buildings. When I used to live in Tokyo, there were many skyscrapers.

Use plural 'buildings'. In the second clause maintain past tense: 'used to live' requires past tense 'there were' not present 'are'. This addresses tense consistency and plural form.

× So when I, I was hanging out this city, I frequently take a photo of a a tall buildings, uh, which is a.

✓ So when I was hanging out in this city, I frequently took photos of tall buildings.

Maintain past tense throughout the narration: 'was hanging out' is past so use 'took' (past) not 'take'. Use 'in this city' for correct preposition, plural 'buildings' and avoid duplicate articles and filler words.

× I like to visit the, the skyscraper of Shanghai, uh, especially for the big, you know, tall and, uh, tall building with the balls, uh, on the tops, top of the building, uh, which is a maybe very, very popular in my understanding.

✓ I would like to visit the Shanghai skyscraper, especially the very tall building with the ball-shaped observation decks on top, which I think is very famous.

Reduce repeated articles and filler words. Use 'the Shanghai skyscraper' or name the building; 'ball-shaped observation decks' is clearer than 'balls on the top'. Use 'on top' rather than 'on the tops, top'. Use 'I think' for 'in my understanding'.

× Yes, I tried to do it, uh, when I was a child. I live in the low apartment and I haven't experienced in the to living tall, uh, apartment or buildings.

✓ Yes, I tried to do it when I was a child. I lived in a low-rise apartment and haven't experienced living in a tall apartment or building.

Use past tense 'lived' to match 'when I was a child'. 'Low-rise apartment' is the correct adjective order and term. Remove unnecessary prepositions: 'experienced living in' is correct, not 'experienced in the to living'. Use singular 'building' or plural consistently.

× So that is your, uh, new challenging for me and.

✓ So that would be a new challenge for me.

The original sentence is fragmented and uses incorrect word forms. Use 'would be' for conditional tone and 'challenge' as the noun; remove extraneous 'your' and trailing conjunction.