Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words like “uh”. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail. Use a linking phrase to connect ideas and vary vocabulary (e.g., “skyscrapers”, “residential blocks”).

例: Yes — my neighbourhood has many tall buildings because I live in a big city. For example, there are several office skyscrapers and high-rise apartment blocks, which make the area feel modern and quite busy.

提案: Correct grammar and be specific: avoid repetition and fix singular/plural and article errors. Give one reason why you photograph it and a brief linking phrase to explain frequency.

例: Yes, I often photograph buildings. In particular, there is a famous landmark near my home that I always try to capture because of its unique facade, so I take pictures of it whenever I walk past.

提案: Eliminate fillers and repetitions, fix grammar (article use, word order, singular/plural), and use linking words to explain reasons. Give one clear reason with a specific detail about the architecture.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the CN Tower in Canada because its design and engineering are fascinating. In particular, I’m interested in the observation deck and the tower’s structure, which offers panoramic views of the city.

提案: Avoid filler phrases like “of course” and correct word choice and collocations (e.g., “living on a high floor”, “privacy from noise”). Use one or two specific benefits and a linking word to connect example.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because it would offer impressive views and more privacy from street noise. For example, living on a high floor would bring more natural light and cooler breezes.

× The one of the building near my homes is a very famous in my city.

✓ The building near my home is very famous in my city.

The sentence has plural/singular mismatches: 'the one of the building' is incorrect phrasing and 'homes' should be singular 'home' to match the speaker. Remove unnecessary 'one of' and use singular 'home' to agree with 'the building near my home'. Also remove the unnecessary article 'a' before 'very famous'. Suggestion: Use 'the building near my home' when referring to a specific single building.

× I I like to visit because it's designed and architectures very interesting.

✓ I would like to visit because its design and architecture are very interesting.

Errors include incorrect verb forms and noun forms. 'It's designed' suggests passive form but doesn't fit; the intended idea is 'its design' (noun). 'Architectures' is incorrect; use 'architecture' (uncountable). Use plural agreement 'are' for 'design and architecture'. Also remove duplicated 'I'. Suggestion: Use nouns 'design' and 'architecture' and ensure subject-verb agreement: 'design and architecture are'.

× Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because it's of course impressive views and a sense of the privacy away from the noise of the of the city.

✓ Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because, of course, it offers impressive views and a sense of privacy away from the noise of the city.

Multiple article and phrasing errors: 'it's of course impressive views' mixes a contraction with plural noun without a verb—use 'it offers impressive views'. 'a sense of the privacy' should be 'a sense of privacy' (no definite article). 'the of the city' repeats 'the of' incorrectly; use 'the city'. Suggestion: Use a verb to link the subject and the noun ('it offers') and avoid unnecessary articles before uncountable nouns like 'privacy'.

× For example, leaving a high flow can provide more natural light and the cooler breezes.

✓ For example, living on a high floor can provide more natural light and cooler breezes.

Word choice errors: 'leaving' should be 'living'. 'high flow' is a typo for 'high floor'. 'the cooler breezes' unnecessarily uses 'the'—use 'cooler breezes'. Suggestion: Proofread for similar-sounding words and choose the correct vocabulary: 'living on a high floor'.

× Most are office towers and high rise apartments and they make the area feel very modern and busy.

✓ Most are office towers and high-rise apartments, and they make the area feel very modern and busy.

'High rise' should be hyphenated as 'high-rise' when used as a compound adjective or noun. Otherwise plural forms are correct. Add a comma before the conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'high-rise' as a compound word and punctuate complex sentences with a comma before 'and' when joining independent clauses.

× So whenever I go outside, I take the photo of that building.

✓ So whenever I go outside, I take a photo of that building.

Article and pronoun usage: 'the photo' implies a specific photo already mentioned; 'a photo' is more natural when describing a habitual action. Change to 'a photo' and drop unnecessary 'the'. Suggestion: Use 'a photo' for habitual or nonspecific actions.

× Uh, yes, 01 A building is known as the CM Tower in Canada.

✓ Uh, yes, a building I know of is the CM Tower in Canada.

The original has extraneous '01' and awkward word order. Rephrase to a natural sentence: 'a building I know of is...'. Ensure articles are lowercased correctly. Suggestion: Remove stray characters and use natural word order: 'a building I know of is...'.