Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor grammatical issues. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one supporting detail using a linking word. Avoid redundancy ("that's why" and repeating "because").

例: Yes. There are several tall buildings near my home because I live in a densely populated area. In addition, my house is only two streets from the financial hub, so many office towers were built nearby.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and one specific reason with an example. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid repeating phrasing like "I don't" twice in close succession.

例: No, I rarely photograph buildings because I find landscapes and wildlife more appealing. For example, I prefer taking pictures of sunsets and birds when I visit parks.

提案: Improve clarity and vocabulary and avoid repetition ("famous and well known"). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a brief reason and a specific plan or detail.

例: Yes, I would love to visit the Empire State Building in New York because it is an iconic landmark with amazing city views. When I go, I plan to visit the observation deck at sunset and take photos of the skyline.

提案: This answer has clarity and grammar problems. Give one clear topic sentence, then explain briefly with a specific reason and example. Fix grammar ("scared of heights", "high-rise building", "I prefer living on the ground floor"). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: No, I would not like to live in a tall building because I am scared of heights. For that reason, I prefer living on the ground floor where I feel safer and don't have to use balconies or high windows.

× This is because I live in a very dense neighborhood.

✓ This is because I live in a very densely populated neighborhood.

'Dense' as an adjective describes something's quality; when referring to population it is more natural to use the adverb phrase 'densely populated' to modify neighborhood. Use 'densely populated' for clarity and correctness.

× Also, I live 2 streets away from the financial hub so that's why you find many tall buildings.

✓ Also, I live two streets away from the financial hub, so there are many tall buildings.

The original mixes 'that's why you find' which is informal and awkward. Replace with 'there are many tall buildings' to state existence. Also spell out numbers under ten in formal speech: 'two streets.' This corrects sentence structure and clarity.

× No, I don't remember taking photos of buildings.

✓ No, I don't remember taking photos of buildings.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable; no change needed. It correctly uses present simple negative to express recollection. Included here to show it meets the list and requires no correction.

× I don't think it is something that I enjoy or find beautiful.

✓ I don't think it's something I enjoy or find beautiful.

Grammatically acceptable; contraction 'it's' is stylistic. Removed 'that' for smoother, more natural English. Pronoun 'it' correctly refers to 'taking photos of buildings.'

× I prefer taking photos of beautiful landscapes or animals, so I don't take photos.

✓ I prefer taking photos of beautiful landscapes or animals, so I don't take photos of buildings.

Original sentence ends broadly 'so I don't take photos,' which is ambiguous. Adding 'of buildings' clarifies the contrast. Tenses are correct (present simple for preferences and habitual actions).

× Yes, I would love to visit the New York Empire State.

✓ Yes, I would love to visit the Empire State Building in New York.

Name order and article use are incorrect. The proper English name is 'the Empire State Building.' Place modifier 'in New York' follows the building name for clarity.

× This is because this building is known as one of the most famous and well known buildings in the world.

✓ This building is known as one of the most famous and well-known buildings in the world.

Remove redundant 'this is because' and use hyphen in 'well-known.' Also avoid repeating 'this' twice; streamline for clarity. 'Well-known' is a compound adjective and should be hyphenated.

× So when I go to New York, I would definitely go there and take some photos.

✓ So when I go to New York, I will definitely go there and take some photos.

Use 'will' for a definite future action rather than 'would,' which is conditional or tentative. Since the speaker plans a real future visit, 'will' is appropriate.

× No, I am scared of heights so I would not appreciate living in the high rise building I prefer living close to.

✓ No, I am scared of heights, so I would not like living in a high-rise building; I prefer living close to the ground.

Original sentence has pronoun and phrasing issues: 'appreciate living in the high rise building I prefer living close to' is ungrammatical and unclear. Replace 'would not appreciate' with 'would not like' and rephrase to 'I prefer living close to the ground' to convey the intended meaning. Hyphenate 'high-rise.'

× There are the floor because I don't like checking the balcony and being so.

✓ I prefer lower floors because I don't like standing on the balcony or being so high up.

Original sentence is fragmented and ungrammatical ('There are the floor...'). Reconstruct sentence: 'I prefer lower floors' + reason 'because I don't like standing on the balcony or being so high up.' This corrects sentence structure, verb usage, and clarity.