Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two concise supporting details with correct grammar and linking words. Avoid repetitions and unclear words. For example, start with a direct statement about where you live, then explain how far tall buildings are and when you visit them.

例: I don’t live near tall buildings because I live in the countryside outside the city. However, there are skyscrapers in the city centre, so I have to travel into town when I need to visit universities or tall office buildings.

提案: Start with a direct yes/no or frequency statement, then add a specific example and use correct vocabulary. Replace unclear or incorrect words and use one linking phrase to connect ideas. Keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I often photograph buildings, especially skyscrapers. For example, when I visited an observation deck recently, I took many photos to capture the panoramic view of the city.

提案: Answer directly and avoid repeating the same idea. If you mention a past visit, briefly contrast it with why you want to go again and give a specific reason. Use correct vocabulary (e.g., 'panoramic views', 'unforgettable') and limit to two or three sentences.

例: Yes. I visited the Eureka Tower in Melbourne once, and I would like to go again because I want to have dinner there and enjoy the panoramic views of the city with my family — it would be an unforgettable experience.

提案: Start with a clear stance (yes/no/depends), then give two balanced reasons using linking words (e.g., 'however', 'because'). Be specific about the inconveniences and avoid unclear phrases. Keep it to three sentences max.

例: I would consider living in a tall building because I like the panoramic city views. However, I am concerned about practical issues, such as taking my dog down several flights or waiting for lifts. For that reason, I might prefer a lower-floor apartment.

× So live on the countryside of the city so they know many tall building near my my house.

✓ I live in the countryside of the city, so there are not many tall buildings near my house.

The original sentence has missing subject and verb, incorrect phrase 'the countryside of the city', repeated word 'my', and wrong plural 'building'. Use a complete subject-verb structure 'I live', use 'in the countryside' or 'in the suburbs', add 'there are' to state existence, and make 'buildings' plural. Suggestion: form a simple sentence: 'I live in the countryside, so there are not many tall buildings near my house.'

× Unless there are universities or if I need I want to visit a toll building I would need to travel to the CD the middle of the city where the tall you buildings are located.

✓ If I need to visit a tall building or a university, I would need to travel to the middle of the city where the tall buildings are located.

The original mixes 'unless' and 'if' incorrectly and has extra words ('toll', 'CD', 'tall you') and wrong word order. Use a conditional 'If I need to visit...', and use 'there are' is not necessary here; instead state 'tall buildings are located.' Remove unclear fragments. Suggestion: keep the conditional clear and use correct nouns and plural forms.

× Well, I often take photo of the building, especially the skyscrapers.

✓ Well, I often take photos of buildings, especially skyscrapers.

'Photo' should be plural 'photos' to match 'often', and 'the building' is too specific; use plural 'buildings'. 'Skyscrapers' does not need 'the'. Suggestion: use plural nouns when speaking generally: 'take photos of buildings.'

× I remember I visited the skyscrapers before and I took a lot of photos from the observation desk where I can see all the banana nomic views of the city.

✓ I remember visiting the skyscrapers before and I took a lot of photos from the observation deck where I could see panoramic views of the city.

Use 'remember visiting' or 'I visited' (both acceptable) for past memory; 'observation desk' is wrong—use 'observation deck'. 'Can' should be past 'could' to match past tense context. 'banana nomic' is a misspelling of 'panoramic'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent (past) and use correct nouns and vocabulary.

× Yes, I have visited a Eureka Tower building in Melbourne before and I would love to visit this again and this time I would.

✓ Yes, I have visited Eureka Tower in Melbourne before and I would love to visit it again.

Use the proper name 'Eureka Tower' without 'a' and avoid repeating phrases. The original ends abruptly 'and this time I would' which is incomplete. Replace with concise correct sentence. Suggestion: use proper nouns without indefinite articles and complete the idea.

× I love to have a dinner in the skyscrapers where I can see the Bar Banora Mac views of the city and enjoying my dinner with the beloved ones uh would give me unforgettable.

✓ I would love to have dinner in a skyscraper where I can see the panoramic views of the city, and enjoying dinner with my loved ones would be unforgettable.

Errors include article misuse ('a dinner' should be 'dinner' or 'have dinner'), plural/singular mismatch ('skyscrapers' vs location), wrong phrase 'Bar Banora Mac' (meant 'panoramic'), mixed verb forms ('I love to have' vs 'would love to'), and fragmented ending. Use 'loved ones' not 'beloved ones' in casual speech. Suggestion: use consistent modal ('would love') and proper vocabulary 'panoramic views' and complete the clause.

× Well, sometime I would love to experience living in a apartments because where I could see the baronamic views of the cities.

✓ Well, sometimes I would love to experience living in an apartment because I could see the panoramic views of the city.

Use 'sometimes' (plural adverb), 'an apartment' (singular with article) or 'apartments' without 'a', and correct 'baronamic' to 'panoramic'. Also 'cities' should be 'city' if referring to one. Suggestion: ensure correct article use and spelling, and keep noun number consistent.

× But however I also consider it the inconvenience and the difficulty of travelling from my apartment to the ground floor.

✓ However, I also consider the inconvenience and difficulty of travelling from an apartment to the ground floor.

'But however' is redundant; use either 'but' or 'however'. 'Consider it the inconvenience' is awkward—use 'consider the inconvenience'. Use 'an apartment' or 'my apartment' consistently. Suggestion: avoid redundant connectors and use natural collocations like 'the inconvenience of travelling'.

× Especially I do our dogs so it's difficult for me to walk my dog in.

✓ Especially because I have our dogs, it's difficult for me to walk my dog there.

The original sentence is unclear and lacks correct conjunction. 'I do our dogs' is incorrect; likely intended 'I have our dogs' or 'we have dogs'. 'Walk my dog in' is wrong preposition; use 'walk my dog there' or 'walk my dog outside'. Suggestion: clarify subject and use correct verbs and prepositions.