Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, concise and clear. Start with a simple topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid hesitation sounds and unrelated words. Correct grammar (e.g. use "unless" and articles properly) and time expressions.

例: No, there are not many tall buildings near my home. I live in a rural area on the outskirts of the city, so I usually have to travel about 30 minutes to the city center to see skyscrapers and office blocks.

提案: Answer directly then add a specific example. Use clear sequencing and linking words (e.g. "For example", "When I visited..."). Fix grammar (articles, tense) and avoid repetition. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I sometimes take photos of buildings. For example, when I visited the tallest building in my area I took panoramic shots from the observation deck, and I still remember the beautiful city views.

提案: Be clear whether you want to visit or revisit, and give a concise reason. Use linking words to contrast past and future (e.g. "Although I have visited..., I would like to go back because..."). Remove irrelevant or confusing details.

例: I have visited the Eureka Tower in Melbourne and it was impressive, so I would love to visit it again. Although I saw the observation deck before, I would like to go back to enjoy the view with my family and have dinner together there.

提案: Start with a clear yes/no and give specific reasons using linking words (e.g. "However", "because"). Correct grammar (verb forms, articles) and avoid filler words. Mention concrete problems and a brief contrasting positive point if relevant.

例: I would like to try living in a tall building for the experience, but I probably wouldn't choose it permanently. It would be inconvenient because I have a dog and it would be difficult to take him out for regular walks from a high-floor apartment.

× While I live in the countryside of the city so there aren't many tall buildings near my house, but unless there are university or I would need to travel 30 minute to the mid of the city where I can see all the skyscrapers, all the office block, umm buildings, umm dessert.

✓ I live in the countryside of the city, so there aren't many tall buildings near my house; if there were universities nearby I would not need to travel 30 minutes to the centre of the city to see the skyscrapers and office blocks.

This sentence contains multiple sentence-structure problems: unnecessary conjunctions (while/so/but) are combined, incorrect conditional phrasing ('unless there are university or I would need' is wrong), incorrect noun forms ('30 minute' should be '30 minutes', 'mid of the city' should be 'centre of the city'), and plural forms ('office block' -> 'office blocks'). To improve, separate ideas into clearer clauses, use correct conditional structure ('if there were... I would...'), use plural/singular consistently, and choose correct prepositional phrase ('to the centre of the city').

× Well, I visited one of the tallest building in where I live and remember I took so lots of beautiful sort of the panoramic view of the city from the office observation desk is my first experience in the taller building, so I really can remember the beautiful views.

✓ I visited one of the tallest buildings where I live and I remember taking many beautiful panoramic photos of the city from the office observation deck; it was my first experience in a tall building, and I clearly remember the views.

Problems include incorrect quantifier and noun forms: 'one of the tallest building' requires plural 'buildings'; 'so lots of beautiful sort of the panoramic view' is ungrammatical—use 'many beautiful panoramic photos' or 'many beautiful panoramic views'. 'Office observation desk' is incorrect; use 'observation deck'. Also verb forms and sentence flow were poor; use past tense consistently and split into clearer clauses. To improve, use correct plural forms, choose precise quantifiers ('many' instead of 'lots of' in formal speech), and correct noun collocations ('observation deck').

× I visited Eureka Tower building in Melbourne before is what one of the tallest building I have ever visited and would love to go back there.

✓ I visited the Eureka Tower in Melbourne before; it is one of the tallest buildings I have ever visited and I would love to go back there.

Errors: missing definite article before a named building ('the Eureka Tower'); 'is what one of the tallest building' is ungrammatical—use 'it is one of the tallest buildings'. Maintain tense consistency: past visit, present opinion. To improve, include articles for specific places, use correct subject pronoun 'it', and pluralize 'building' when using 'one of the'.

× But this time I will not have a lovely dinner with my family or friends because have because where I can have enjoying my dinner and sharing.

✓ But this time I will not have a lovely dinner with my family or friends because I will not have a suitable place to enjoy and share a meal.

This fragment is incoherent: repeated 'because', missing subject and verb ('have because where I can have enjoying' is incorrect). Clarify meaning by supplying subject and correct verb forms ('I will not have a suitable place to enjoy and share a meal'). To improve, think about the intended idea and express it in a complete clause with subject, verb, and object, and avoid repetition.

× Well, sometime I would love to experience, umm, living in a, uh, one of the skyscrapers, but however I would think I would would be inconvenient for me because I do our dog and I need to take him out regularly.

✓ Well, sometimes I would love to experience living in a skyscraper, but I think it would be inconvenient for me because I have a dog and I need to take him out regularly.

Errors: 'sometime' should be 'sometimes' (adverb of frequency); redundant 'would would'; 'do our dog' is incorrect—use 'have a dog'. Also 'one of the skyscrapers' is unnatural here; 'a skyscraper' is better. To improve, use correct adverb forms, avoid repeated auxiliary verbs, and use correct verbs for possession ('have').

× Then it gonna be difficult for me to travel from my apartment to the rough law and walk him in the limited area.

✓ Then it is going to be difficult for me to travel from my apartment to the nearby park and walk him in the limited area.

Problems: informal contraction 'gonna' should be 'going to' in formal speaking; 'rough law' is likely a mis-saying—corrected to 'nearby park' based on context; 'walk him in the limited area' needs prepositional clarification but 'walk him in a limited area' is acceptable. Also missing auxiliary 'is'. To improve, use standard forms ('is going to'), choose correct place nouns ('park' instead of 'rough law'), and include articles ('a limited area').