Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Giảm tiếng ấp úng và lặp từ (ví dụ “uh”), sử dụng câu chủ đề rõ ràng hơn, và thêm chi tiết cụ thể để câu trả lời tự nhiên và hiệu quả hơn. Ví dụ: diễn tả khoảng cách, số lượng hoặc loại tòa nhà gần nhà (ví dụ “a couple of low-rise blocks,” “mostly residential houses”), dùng liên từ để mạch lạc hơn.

例: Not really. I live in a quiet residential area, so there aren’t many tall buildings nearby; mostly there are low-rise houses and two- or three-storey blocks within a ten-minute walk.

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh các từ như “umm” và cụm từ mù mờ như “in a word”; liên kết các ý bằng từ nối để mạch lạc; cung cấp thêm một ví dụ cụ thể ngắn gọn (khi nào, bằng điện thoại hay máy ảnh) và hạn chế số câu (không quá 5 câu).

例: Not really — I’m not interested in architectural photography. I prefer photographing people because I like capturing genuine emotions; for example, I often photograph friends laughing during small gatherings using my phone to preserve natural moments.

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh nói mơ hồ và ngập ngừng, nêu rõ một tòa nhà cụ thể và giải thích ngắn gọn tại sao (lý do cụ thể: lịch sử, kiến trúc, vị trí). Dùng cấu trúc câu trực tiếp và từ vựng chính xác (ví dụ “historical significance” thay vì “historical value”).

例: A building I would like to visit is the White House because of its historical significance and iconic architecture; I’d like to learn more about its history and see the famous rooms in person.

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh câu thiếu rõ ràng và lỗi ngữ nghĩa (“see my CD” không rõ nghĩa). Nên bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, giải thích lý do cụ thể (view, convenience, facilities) và nêu một nhược điểm để cân bằng ý kiến, dùng từ vựng phù hợp (“high-rise apartment/flat”, “skyline view”).

例: Yes, I would like to live in a high-rise apartment because it would offer excellent skyline views and modern amenities; however, I would also consider noise and access to outdoor space before deciding.

× My house is in a quiet neighborhood, so uh, uh, there are not so many tall buildings there and most of them are just, uh, a few stories tall.

✓ My house is in a quiet neighborhood, so there are not many tall buildings there, and most of them are only a few stories tall.

The sentence uses present simple correctly but contains awkward wording 'not so many' and redundant fillers. 'Not many' is more natural. Also 'just' is acceptable but 'only' is clearer before 'a few stories tall'. Remove filler words for fluency. Keep present tense because it describes a general fact about the neighborhood.

× I prefer taking pictures of people because I enjoy capturing human emotion and facial expressions.

✓ I prefer taking pictures of people because I enjoy capturing human emotions and facial expressions.

'Emotion' should be plural here because 'facial expressions' is plural and 'human emotions' better matches the general concept. The verb forms 'prefer taking' and 'enjoy capturing' are correct present participle constructions to express preferences and habitual actions.

× Umm, for example, I like photographing friends when they laugh because though natural moments feel more meaningful.

✓ For example, I like photographing friends when they laugh because natural moments feel more meaningful.

The word 'though' is incorrectly used and breaks the sentence structure. Removing 'though' yields a clear cause: laughing leads to natural moments, which feel more meaningful. Also remove filler 'Umm' to improve fluency.

× There are several, but nothing comes to my mind at this time.

✓ There are several, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.

'Comes to my mind' is not ungrammatical but 'comes to mind' is more concise and idiomatic. 'At this time' is acceptable but 'at the moment' is more natural in spoken English.

× Uh, if I have to shoot right now, I think White House is a good option because it brings, uh, a lot of historical value and like an outstanding place to visit.

✓ If I had to shoot right now, I think the White House would be a good option because it has a lot of historical value and is an outstanding place to visit.

Use conditional 'If I had to' or 'If I were to' to match hypothetical context; present simple 'have to' implies obligation. 'White House' requires the definite article 'the'. 'Brings a lot of historical value' is awkward; use 'has a lot of historical value'. Also replace 'and like' with 'and is' for grammatical structure and remove filler 'uh'.

× Of course, without a doubt I like to see my CD from a sky deck and I think that a high building house will offer me a good view.

✓ Of course, without a doubt I would like to see my city from a sky deck, and I think that a tall building would offer me a good view.

'Like to see' is acceptable, but 'would like to' fits the hypothetical preference. 'CD' seems to be a typo for 'city'. Use 'city'. 'High building house' is ungrammatical; use 'tall building'. Also use 'would' to match conditional tone. Ensure subject-verb agreement with 'offers' not needed when rephrased; using 'would offer' matches hypothetical desire.