Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds, and remove unnecessary clauses. Use a linking word to connect ideas smoothly and provide one specific example of a nearby building.

例: Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home. For example, there is a 30‑storey office tower two blocks away. Because the city focuses on technology and modern infrastructure, high‑rise construction is common here.

提案: Give a direct answer sentence first and avoid vague phrasing like 'things besides'. Correct awkward expressions and use linking words to explain reasons. Include a brief specific example of what you photograph.

例: Not really, I usually photograph landscapes and outdoor scenery instead. For instance, I often take pictures of parks and riverfronts because I grew up in a modern city and natural scenes feel more interesting and relaxing to me.

提案: Answer directly and finish your thought; avoid hesitations and repetition. Use linking words to contrast preferences (e.g., 'however' or 'instead') and give a specific museum or exhibition you'd like to visit as an example.

例: Not really; I rarely visit tall buildings. Instead, I prefer museums and art exhibitions because I'm interested in art and history. For example, I would like to visit the national history museum to learn more about local culture.

提案: Provide a clear reason for your preference and avoid fillers and confused vocabulary (e.g., 'Bangalore' is incorrect here). Use correct prepositions and a specific plan for the future. Keep sentences short and coherent.

例: No, I wouldn't like to live in a tall building again. I grew up on the 12th floor and found it inconvenient, especially during power cuts and when carrying groceries. In the future I hope to rent a small bungalow with a garden so I can enjoy outdoor space.

× The city is also known for its advanced technology and modern infrastructure, so which makes high-rise construction common.

✓ The city is also known for its advanced technology and modern infrastructure, which makes high-rise construction common.

The original sentence misuses the relative word 'which' by inserting 'so which', creating an incorrect clause structure. Remove 'so' and use the relative pronoun 'which' to correctly link the clause to the preceding noun phrase. Suggestion: use 'which' after a noun phrase to add a non-defining relative clause: '..., which makes...'.

× Things besides taking photos of buildings.

✓ I take photos of other things besides buildings.

The original fragment lacks a proper subject and verb, making it a sentence structure error. Reorder and add subject 'I' and verb 'take' to form a complete sentence: 'I take photos of other things besides buildings.' This maintains the intended meaning and correct grammar.

× I grew up in a high Tech City where the architecture is very modern but rather relative and so I find natural scenes more interesting to photograph.

✓ I grew up in a high-tech city where the architecture is very modern but somewhat repetitive, so I find natural scenes more interesting to photograph.

Errors: 'high Tech City' mixes casing and spacing and should be 'high-tech city' (compound adjective). 'relative' is the wrong adjective for the intended meaning; 'repetitive' fits better. Also punctuation and conjunction use improved by replacing 'and so' with ', so' to correctly link clauses. Suggestion: use hyphen for compound adjectives before nouns and choose the correct adjective for meaning.

× It and I I don't often visit tall buildings.

✓ I don't often visit tall buildings.

The original sentence contains repeated pronouns 'It and I I' creating an ungrammatical fragment. Remove extraneous words and keep a single subject and verb: 'I don't often visit tall buildings.' This yields a clear, grammatical sentence.

× I usually prefer maybe museums, art exhibitions and cultural event because I'm interested in art and history and I enjoy learning from exhibits.

✓ I usually prefer museums, art exhibitions, and cultural events because I'm interested in art and history, and I enjoy learning from exhibits.

Problems: 'maybe' is unnecessary and weakens the assertion; remove it. 'cultural event' should be plural to match the list 'museums, art exhibitions' and maintain parallel structure. Also add commas for list punctuation and before coordinating conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: ensure parallelism and correct plurality in lists.

× The tall building next to my home doesn't interest me, so I.

✓ The tall building next to my home doesn't interest me, so I don't go there.

The original sentence ends abruptly with 'so I.' causing a sentence fragment. Provide the missing verb phrase to complete the thought, e.g., 'so I don't go there.' Ensure each clause has a subject and verb.

× No, I don't. Uh, I grew up in a tall building and my home was in the 12th floor.

✓ No, I don't. Uh, I grew up in a tall building and my home was on the 12th floor.

Use of the definite article is not the main issue; the preposition before floor should be 'on' (location on a floor) not 'in'. Also 'the 12th floor' is correct with 'the'. Suggestion: use 'on the Xth floor' to indicate which floor someone lived on.

× That was too inconvenient for to me.

✓ That was too inconvenient for me.

The phrase includes an extra preposition 'to' making it ungrammatical. Remove 'to' to form the correct prepositional phrase 'for me.' Suggestion: check for redundant words in common expressions.

× And when I have a job, I would like to rent a Bangalore with, uh, a little garden that was perfect for me.

✓ And when I have a job, I would like to rent a bungalow with a small garden that would be perfect for me.

Multiple errors: 'rent a Bangalore' is incorrect — 'Bangalore' is a city name; the intended word is likely 'bungalow' (type of house). 'a little garden' is acceptable but 'small garden' is more natural. Tense/agreement: 'that was perfect for me' should be 'that would be perfect for me' to match the conditional 'when I have a job, I would like...'. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity. Suggestion: choose correct vocabulary and match conditional tense consistently.