Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve coherence and grammar: give a clear topic sentence then 1–2 specific supporting details. Use correct tense and articles, avoid filler words like 'whereas' used incorrectly. Connect ideas with linking words (for example, 'and', 'so', 'also'). Keep to maximum 4–5 concise sentences.

例: Yes. There are several tall buildings near my home, mostly modern apartment blocks and shopping malls. From my window I can see their glass facades and a pleasant city view. Because many buildings are new, the area feels lively and well developed.

提案: Be more concise and use clearer vocabulary. Start with a direct answer, then add a brief reason or example. Replace unclear or incorrect words ('majoristic') with simple adjectives ('striking', 'unusual'). Avoid hesitations and repetitions.

例: Not usually. However, if I see a striking or unusual building, I will take a photo to remember it. For example, I once photographed a building with a spiral facade because its design was unique.

提案: Give a direct answer and then one clear detail to support it. Correct mistakes in phrasing ('if I'm not mistake' → 'if I'm not mistaken'; 'placed' → 'located'). Use linking words like 'but', 'because' to connect ideas.

例: I don't have a specific building in my city, but I would like to visit a hemispherical, futuristic building I think is located in Las Vegas. It looks very modern and unique, and I would love to see its architecture up close.

提案: Avoid repetition and hesitations; make one clear statement and support it with 1–2 reasons. Use correct count and articles ('a tall building', 'high-rise buildings') and linking words ('because', 'so').

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because the views of the city would be amazing. From a high-rise apartment I could enjoy sunsets and feel more private and peaceful than at street level.

× Whereas futuristic and modern structure and from my window it has really good landscape.

✓ The futuristic and modern structures create a great view from my window.

Original sentence uses 'Whereas' incorrectly and has awkward noun forms and word order. Use 'the' for specific structures and plural 'structures' to match context. 'Create a great view from my window' is a natural way to express that the buildings produce a good landscape.

× I can look through the city and look how beautiful that buildings are.

✓ I can look over the city and see how beautiful those buildings are.

Use 'look over' not 'look through' for viewing a city. 'That' should be 'those' to match plural 'buildings'. Use 'see' instead of second 'look' for natural phrasing, and subject-verb order 'those buildings are' is correct.

× There are lots of shopping malls, apartments.

✓ There are lots of shopping malls and apartment buildings.

List items need parallel structure; 'apartments' on its own is acceptable but pairing with 'shopping malls' sounds better as 'shopping malls and apartment buildings'. Also include 'and' between items.

× Not usually, but if I see something really interesting and really majoristic, I like to take photos and make it, uh, make it placed in my memory of my photos.

✓ Not usually, but if I see something really interesting or impressive, I like to take photos and keep them as memories.

'Majoristic' is not a correct adjective; use 'impressive'. 'Make it placed in my memory of my photos' is ungrammatical. Use 'keep them as memories' or 'save them as memories.' Correct pronoun agreement: 'photos' plural so 'them'.

× if I see something really interesting and really majoristic, I like to take photos

✓ if I see something really interesting or impressive, I like to take photos

'Majoristic' is incorrect; choose 'impressive'. Use 'or' to connect synonyms. This repeats earlier correction but highlights adjective choice.

× I like to take photos and keep them as memories.

✓ I usually like to take photos and keep them as memories.

Add 'usually' to reflect frequency when answering 'Do you take photos?', keeping present simple tense which describes habitual actions.

× Actually, not specifically, but I really love to visit one building in if I'm not mistake, I think it's placed in Las Vegas and like hemisphere structure building and it has really cool and futuristic structure.

✓ Actually, not specifically, but there is one building I would love to visit; if I'm not mistaken, it's in Las Vegas and has a hemispherical, futuristic design.

Original has multiple structure issues: 'in if I'm not mistake' should be 'if I'm not mistaken'. 'Placed in Las Vegas' should be 'in Las Vegas'. 'Like hemisphere structure building' is ungrammatical — use 'a hemispherical, futuristic design' or 'a hemispherical building'. Use conditional 'would love to visit' for polite preference.

× and like hemisphere structure building and it has really cool and futuristic structure.

✓ it is a hemispherical building with a really cool, futuristic design.

Maintain parallel, concise phrasing: 'hemispherical building' and 'futuristic design'. Avoid repeating 'structure' unnecessarily.

× Of course, I love to, uh, live in a tall buildings since the landscape will be amazing and I can look through all, uh, city, uh, from the top of the city.

✓ Of course, I would love to live in a tall building since the view would be amazing and I could look over the whole city from the top.

Use singular 'a tall building' not 'a tall buildings'. 'Landscape' is better as 'view' in this context. Use conditional 'would' to express preference and 'could' for ability. 'Look over the whole city' is more natural than 'look through all city'.

× And I think it has, uh, it will be great landscape.

✓ And I think it would be a great view.

Avoid duplicating subjects 'it has, it will be'. Use 'would be' to match hypothetical preference and 'a great view' rather than 'great landscape' for a city-scape from a building.

× That's why I really love to, uh, live in a high, uh, buildings.

✓ That's why I really love to live in a high-rise building.

Use singular form 'a high-rise building' or plural 'high-rise buildings' without the article. 'High-rise' is the correct adjective for tall buildings. Remove filler words for clarity.