Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and add one specific detail to support your statement. Start with a clear topic sentence, then use a linking phrase and a specific reason or example. Avoid vague phrases like "probably" and "rarely busy."

例: No, there aren’t any tall buildings near my home. Because I live in a rural province, most houses are low-rise and there are rice fields around, so developers have not built high-rises here.

提案: Clarify your meaning and avoid confusing or irrelevant phrases. Give a clear topic sentence saying whether you take photos, then explain why with a specific example. Use linking words like "but" or "because." Also correct unclear phrases (e.g., "from those buildings" or "high end girl").

例: Not usually. I rarely photograph tall buildings themselves because I prefer taking pictures from rooftop viewpoints; for example, I like shooting the city skyline at sunset from a high terrace because the lights and angles look attractive.

提案: Provide a concise, complete answer and avoid unfinished sentences. Start with a direct statement about a specific building, then give a reason and a brief detail of what you want to see. Use linking words like "for example" or "because."

例: Yes, I would love to visit the cathedrals in Spain, such as the Sagrada Família in Barcelona, because I admire their intricate Gothic and modernist architecture and want to see the stained-glass windows and sculptures up close.

提案: Good clear response and supporting detail. Improve by tightening sentences and adding a specific example (which floor/view, what you enjoy). Use one linking phrase to connect the reason to your experience.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building in my mid-20s because I enjoy city views at night; for instance, when I stayed on the 18th floor of a hotel, I loved watching the illuminated streets and would like that every day.

× This is probably because I live in the province where most areas are still rural and it's rarely busy.

✓ This is probably because I live in a province where most areas are still rural and it is rarely busy.

The error is a minor article/number issue: 'the province' implies a specific province previously mentioned; 'a province' is better when introducing. Also avoid contraction in formal speech if needed; change 'it's' to 'it is' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'a province' when speaking generally and maintain consistent formality.

× While there are many tall buildings in the central city, I find myself not really taking photos of those buildings.

✓ While there are many tall buildings in the central city, I do not really take photos of them.

Using 'find myself not really taking' is awkward and uses present participle unnecessarily. Replace with simple present 'do not really take' to express habitual action. Also replace 'those buildings' with pronoun 'them' for conciseness.

× I find myself taking photos from those buildings because the high end girl makes the city look good when taken in that angle.

✓ I take photos from high vantage points in those buildings because the city looks good from that angle.

The original sentence contains unclear and incorrect wording: 'high end girl' is incorrect and likely a mistaken phrase. Use 'high vantage points' to describe locations in tall buildings. 'Taken in that angle' is awkward; use 'from that angle'. This corrects adjective use and improves clarity.

× In November I would like to visit a lot of buildings found in Europe.

✓ In November I would like to visit many buildings in Europe.

'A lot of buildings found in Europe' is wordy and slightly awkward. Use 'many buildings in Europe' for a more natural structure. Also place time expression 'In November' at beginning is fine.

× One of those buildings would be the cathedrals in Spain or in other European areas, because I like their architecture.

✓ One of the buildings I would like to visit is a cathedral in Spain or other parts of Europe because I like the architecture.

Use singular 'a cathedral' to match 'one of the buildings'. 'The cathedrals' suggests specific cathedrals previously mentioned. 'Other European areas' is better as 'other parts of Europe'. Adjust pronoun agreement: 'their architecture' becomes 'the architecture' when referring to a singular cathedral.

× From other places I would like to see the.

✓ I would also like to see cathedrals in other places.

The original is incomplete ('see the.'). Complete the thought and reorder for clarity: 'I would also like to see cathedrals in other places.' Ensure the noun after 'see' is present.

× Yes, I would really want to live in a tall building.

✓ Yes, I would really like to live in a tall building.

'Would really want to' is wordy and less natural in this context. Use 'would really like to' to express desire. No article error per se, but smoothing to natural phrasing.

× In fact, it is one of my goals during my mid 20s.

✓ In fact, it is one of my goals for my mid-20s.

Use 'for my mid-20s' and hyphenate 'mid-20s'. 'During my mid 20s' is less natural; correct quantifier/time phrase usage improves clarity.

× I like to see the view of the city as I sleep at night.

✓ I like to see the view of the city when I go to sleep at night.

'As I sleep' implies seeing while actually asleep, which is impossible. Use 'when I go to sleep' or 'before I sleep' to convey seeing the view at bedtime. Adjusts tense and meaning.

× I have experienced this once when I visited the city and I would like to do it again.

✓ I experienced this once when I visited the city, and I would like to do it again.

Using present perfect 'have experienced' with a specific time 'when I visited' is inconsistent; use simple past 'experienced' to match the specific past event. Keep 'would like to do it again' for future desire.