Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and keep to one clear idea. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetitions and self-corrections in your answer. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas logically.

例: Yes. There is a tall building near my home called Coco House. I visited it on a school excursion when I was in primary school, and I still remember seeing a 25-storey building for the first time because it seemed enormous compared with the other buildings in my town.

提案: Give a direct answer, then one clear reason and an example. Fix tense and agreement errors and avoid hesitations. Use linking words like "because" or "for example" to make your point coherent.

例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings because I love tall architecture. For example, I photographed Koko House, a 25-storey building in Ibadan, during my school visit and I still take photos of similar buildings when I travel.

提案: Answer directly and accurately. Correct factual errors (Eiffel Tower is in Paris, France) and be specific about one or two buildings you'd like to visit, giving reasons. Use linking words such as "for example" or "also" and avoid contradictory statements (e.g. saying none but listing many).

例: Yes, I would like to visit several famous buildings. For example, I want to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris because of its history and design, and the Burj Khalifa in Dubai because I am curious about how it was constructed and how the view looks from the top.

提案: Give a concise statement about your preference, then add one specific reason and an example. Correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, article use) and avoid vague phrases. Use linking words like "because" or "for example" to structure your answer.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because I enjoy the views and the modern facilities. For example, I dream of living in a penthouse in New York City because it would offer great city views and convenient access to work and entertainment.

× Yes, there is this particular tall building near my home.

✓ Yes, there is a particular tall building near my home.

Use of 'this' is acceptable but 'this particular' followed by 'near my home' is slightly awkward; however the main issue is redundancy 'this particular' and later 'here in here in the bathroom' in following clause. Keep 'there is' for existence and use 'a' for indefinite reference. Suggest simplifying to 'a particular tall building' for clarity.

× We call it Coco House or Coco Dome here in here in the bathroom.

✓ We call it Coco House or Coco Dome; it is located near here.

Original sentence has repetition 'here in here in the bathroom' and unclear location 'bathroom' seems incorrect. This is a sentence structure and coherence error. Replace with a clear location phrase and remove repetition. Ensure one clause expresses the name and another expresses location.

× I visited this particular building when I was in primary school as an excursion for my school, which was very memorable because that is going to be the that was the first time I meant seeing a 25 story building, which is something I still try to remember today, but.

✓ I visited this building when I was in primary school on a school excursion, which was very memorable because that was the first time I saw a 25-story building, something I still remember today.

Multiple tense and word-choice problems: use simple past 'visited' and 'was' consistently. 'That is going to be the' is incorrect; use 'that was'. 'Meant seeing' is wrong; use 'saw' or 'had seen'. Remove trailing conjunction 'but'. Hyphenate '25-story' as a compound adjective.

× Absolutely, I do take pictures of building because I tend to believe in myself that I'm a kind of person that loves tall building because when I was small, there is this particular building we visited which is the Koko House, the 25 story building which is the tallest building in Ibadan.

✓ Absolutely, I do take pictures of buildings because I believe I am the kind of person who loves tall buildings. When I was small, we visited a particular building called Coco House, a 25-story building which is the tallest in Ibadan.

Use plural 'buildings' when speaking generally. 'Believe in myself' is not needed; use 'I believe'. Use articles 'a' and 'the' correctly: 'a particular building' and 'the tallest in Ibadan'. 'That' should be 'who' when referring to a person, but here refer to 'person who loves'. Correct 'Koko' to 'Coco' to match earlier, and hyphenate '25-story'.

× Now I have, I tend to, I mean tends to take pictures of the building I love.

✓ Now I tend to take pictures of the buildings I love.

Subject-verb agreement: 'I tends' is incorrect; use 'I tend'. Also streamline redundant phrases and use plural 'buildings' to match general habit. Remove unnecessary fillers 'I have, I tend to, I mean'.

× Of course, there are a lot of buildings that we like to visit, but to be very honest, I don't think there is any.

✓ Of course, there are a lot of buildings I would like to visit, but to be honest, I don't think there are any nearby that I haven't visited.

Mismatch between plural 'a lot of buildings' and 'there is any' (singular). Use 'there are any' for plural. Also clarify meaning: likely speaker means none left unvisited nearby.

× In Nigeria I want to visit I Eiffel Tower in Italy, I want to visit the tallest building in the world, Burj Khalifa in Dubai and other countries.

✓ Outside Nigeria, I want to visit the Eiffel Tower in France, the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, and tall buildings in other countries.

Preposition and location errors: Eiffel Tower is in France, not Italy. Use 'in' correctly and include definite article with 'Eiffel Tower' and 'the Burj Khalifa'. Clarify list with commas and conjunctions.

× All the tall buildings in my countries are visited, all of them because I love tall buildings.

✓ I have visited all the tall buildings in my country because I love tall buildings.

Pronoun and noun errors: 'my countries' is incorrect if speaker means one country; use 'my country'. Passive 'are visited' is odd; use active 'I have visited'. Clarify subject performing action.

× I believe I have a dream to live on the highest, the the tallest building in the world or in my country or any country.

✓ I dream of living in the highest or tallest building in the world, or in my country, or in any country.

Awkward phrasing 'I believe I have a dream to live on' — use 'I dream of living in'. Preposition for buildings is 'in' not 'on'. Remove duplicate 'the' and simplify modal phrasing.

× I tends to base in a tiny future, for instance like a penthouse in New York City, penthouse in Canada and I really appreciative.

✓ I tend to base myself in a small place in the future, for instance a penthouse in New York City or a penthouse in Canada, and I really appreciate that.

'I tends' incorrect; use 'I tend'. 'Base in a tiny future' is ungrammatical — use 'base myself in a small place in the future' or 'live in a small place in the future'. Reflexive 'myself' may be needed with 'base'. 'Appreciative' needs object; use 'I really appreciate that' or 'I would really appreciate it'.