Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện tính tự nhiên và độ trôi chảy: giảm tiếng ươn ướt (uh, uh), dùng câu chủ đề rõ ràng và ngắn gọn, sau đó bổ sung một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể. Sử dụng từ nối để mạch lạc (for example, because, so). Hạn chế câu quá dài và lặp từ.

例: No, there aren't many tall buildings near my home because it's a quiet residential area. For example, most houses are two or three storeys high, and new developments tend to follow the same pattern.

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp và tính mạch lạc: sửa lỗi nhỏ (Now -> I'm not, 'it's is' -> it is), tránh lặp từ (just). Bắt đầu bằng một câu chủ đề ngắn, dùng liên từ (because/so) để giải thích lý do, và thêm một ví dụ cụ thể để tăng tính thuyết phục.

例: I'm not really into photography because I prefer to enjoy places in person rather than through a camera. For example, when I travel I usually walk around and take mental notes instead of taking many photos.

提案: Cải thiện độ chính xác ngôn ngữ và cụ thể hóa ý: tránh lặp tiếng ươn ướt và diễn đạt mơ hồ. Nêu trực tiếp một tòa nhà, giải thích cụ thể lý do (ví dụ: kiến trúc, lịch sử), và dùng liên từ để nối câu. Tránh dùng cụm từ mơ hồ như 'kind of' hoặc diễn đạt vụng về.

例: I would like to visit the White House because of its historical significance and distinctive architecture. Visiting would let me learn more about American history and see the famous rooms and gardens in person.

提案: Cải thiện độ tự nhiên và thêm chi tiết cụ thể: câu hiện tại tốt nhưng có thể ngắn gọn hơn và thêm lý do cụ thể (view, amenities, convenience). Sử dụng liên từ để giải thích và giới hạn tối đa 3-4 câu.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because I enjoy panoramic city views and modern facilities. For instance, an apartment on a high floor would offer great night views and often better security and amenities.

× No, in my place, uh, there's not too many high buildings because uh, uh, uh, here is a really tranquil place and people tend to build, uh, low story buildings rather than, uh, tall buildings.

✓ No, in my place there are not too many high buildings because it is a really tranquil place and people tend to build low-rise buildings rather than tall buildings.

The original uses 'there's' (there is) with the plural 'many high buildings', which is incorrect article/verb form for countable plurals; use 'there are'. 'Here is' is awkward; use 'it is' to describe the place. 'Low story buildings' is not idiomatic; use 'low-rise buildings'. Suggestions: match 'there are' with plural nouns, use 'it is' for commenting on the place, and prefer 'low-rise' as the adjective for building height.

× Now I'm not much of A photography person, I just don't really like trying to get perfect shot.

✓ Now I'm not much of a photography person; I just don't really like trying to get the perfect shot.

Capitalization and article errors: 'A' should be lowercase 'a'. 'Photography person' is acceptable but 'photographer' is more natural. 'Perfect shot' needs the definite article 'the'. Also use a semicolon or conjunction instead of a comma splice. Suggestions: use 'a photographer' or 'a photography person', and include 'the' before 'perfect shot'.

× I just prefer experiencing a place in a moment rather than seeing it through camera lens even it's is a building or something else.

✓ I just prefer experiencing a place in the moment rather than seeing it through a camera lens, even if it's a building or something else.

Missing articles and wrong phrase forms: 'in a moment' should be 'in the moment' to express being present. 'through camera lens' needs the article 'a camera lens'. 'even it's is' has redundant verb and wrong contraction; use 'even if it's'. Suggestions: use 'in the moment', include articles with singular nouns, and use 'even if it's' to introduce the conditional clause.

× Uh, to be honest, uh, there are several places, but, uh, nothing comes to my mind at the present.

✓ To be honest, there are several places, but nothing comes to my mind at the moment.

Awkward phrase 'at the present' is non-idiomatic; use 'at the moment' or 'at present'. Remove filler 'uh' and extra commas. Suggestions: prefer 'at the moment' for spoken English and streamline fillers.

× Uh, but I would say I like to visit White House if I can because it's kind of famous in, uh, other, how a lot of, uh, history.

✓ But I would say I would like to visit the White House if I can because it's kind of famous and has a lot of history.

Proper noun requires the definite article 'the White House'. 'I like to visit' should be 'I would like to visit' to express conditional desire. 'Famous in, uh, other, how a lot of, uh, history' is ungrammatical; use 'is kind of famous and has a lot of history' or 'is famous for its history'. Suggestions: use 'the White House', 'would like' for conditional intent, and 'famous for its history' or 'has a lot of history' as correct phrasing.

× Yes I do, and even now if I had enough money I would definitely buy an apartment in a tall building where I can contemplate the city at night.

✓ Yes, I do, and even now if I had enough money I would definitely buy an apartment in a tall building where I could contemplate the city at night.

Mixed conditional/tense mismatch: the clause 'if I had enough money I would' is second conditional and should be followed by 'could' (modal of ability in conditional) rather than 'can'. Also add missing comma after 'Yes'. Suggestions: use 'could' in the result clause of unreal present/future conditions; ensure punctuation after interjections.