Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more natural: correct grammar, avoid repetitions, and keep sentences concise (max 5). Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one specific detail and a brief comment. Use linking words like “for example” or “also.”

例: Yes, there are many tall buildings near my home. For example, my building has 20 floors and the nearby office blocks are modern. They look especially striking at night when their lights illuminate the skyline.

提案: Improve accuracy and coherence: correct verb tenses, choose appropriate nouns, and avoid awkward phrases. Use a topic sentence, then one or two concrete examples with linking words like “for example” and “because.”

例: Yes, I often take photos of interesting buildings because I enjoy architectural details. For example, last month I photographed a glass office tower in the city center, and its reflections looked spectacular in the sunlight.

提案: Be specific and natural: state the building directly, use correct tense and collocations (e.g., “amazing experience”), and avoid filler phrases like “or something.” Give one reason and one detail to support your interest.

例: Yes, I would love to visit the Forbidden City because of its rich history and beautiful traditional architecture. I have wanted to see its palaces and courtyards in person for years, and I think it would be an unforgettable experience.

提案: Improve cohesion and grammar: start with a clear topic sentence (“I might” or “It depends”), use linking words like “however” and “because,” and give one concrete reason for your preference. Keep it within 4–5 concise sentences.

例: It depends — I might live in a tall building because higher floors are quieter and more private. However, I would avoid a place that feels too isolated, because I want easy access to shops and social life. Ideally, I would choose a high apartment that is still close to the street and amenities.

× Yes, there are several times residential and office buildings near my apartments.

✓ Yes, there are several residential and office buildings near my apartment.

The sentence misuses 'times' and the plural 'apartments'. 'Several' should directly modify 'residential and office buildings'; remove 'times'. Use the singular 'my apartment' or keep plural only if speaker has multiple apartments. Suggestion: say 'my apartment' to mean where you live.

× My own building has 20 floors and the ones nearby look quite modern, especially when they lights up as lights.

✓ My own building has 20 floors and the ones nearby look quite modern, especially when they light up at night.

Subject-verb agreement: 'they' is plural so verb should be 'light' not 'lights'. Also 'as lights' is ungrammatical; use 'at night' or 'when their lights are on'. Suggestion: use 'they light up' or 'their lights come on' and a proper time phrase.

× Yes, I like taking photos of buildings and have unique or interesting designs.

✓ Yes, I like taking photos of buildings that have unique or interesting designs.

Missing relative clause connector: 'and have' incorrectly joins two ideas. Use 'that have' to describe buildings. Maintain present simple to match general preference.

× I find them visually appealing, especially when they stand out from the usual city state.

✓ I find them visually appealing, especially when they stand out from the usual cityscape.

'City state' is incorrect in this context; the intended noun is 'cityscape'. This is a word choice and sentence structure issue. Use 'cityscape' to mean the visual appearance of the city.

× Once a month I took several pictures of the glass office duties in the city center.

✓ Once a month I take several pictures of the glass office buildings in the city center.

Tense and lexical errors: 'Once a month' indicates a habitual present action, so use present simple 'take' not past 'took'. 'Office duties' is wrong word; correct is 'office buildings'. Suggestion: use present simple for habitual actions and correct noun.

× Their reflections looked amazing in the sunlight.

✓ Their reflections looked amazing in the sunlight.

This sentence is correct; no preposition error. Included here to show it's acceptable.

× I'd really like to visit the Forbidden City or something.

✓ I'd really like to visit the Forbidden City.

'Or something' is informal and unnecessary. The tense 'I'd really like to visit' (conditional) is fine. Remove vague phrase to make the sentence clearer.

× I wanted to see it in person for a long time because of its history and architecture.

✓ I have wanted to see it in person for a long time because of its history and architecture.

Use present perfect 'have wanted' to express a desire that started in the past and continues to the present. 'Wanted' alone implies the desire may no longer exist.

× I think it would be an amazing appeal experience.

✓ I think it would be an amazing and appealing experience.

Incorrect word order and word choice: 'appeal' is a noun/verb; use adjective 'appealing'. Combine adjectives with 'and' for clarity: 'amazing and appealing experience'.

× It depends on living high up can be quiet and private which is nice, but if the building feels too isolated I might feel disconnected from daily life.

✓ It depends: living high up can be quiet and private, which is nice, but if the building feels too isolated I might feel disconnected from daily life.

Run-on and incorrect connector: use a colon or restructure 'It depends:' and add commas to separate clauses. Original 'It depends on living high up' is ungrammatical; correct structure is 'It depends: living high up...'.

× I think I'd prefer a place that's high enough for space but still close enough to real life.

✓ I think I'd prefer a place that's high enough to offer space but still close enough to everyday life.

Minor wording: 'for space' is awkward; use 'to offer space'. 'Real life' is colloquial; 'everyday life' is clearer. Tense and modality are appropriate.