Building— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 자연스럽지 않고 중복이 많습니다. 먼저 질문에 직접적으로 답하는 간단한 주제문을 말하고, 그 다음에 이유나 구체적 묘사를 추가하세요. 연결어(it's because, for example, also)를 사용해 문장 흐름을 개선하세요. 예를 들어 장소(near my home), 건물 특징(beautiful, tall), 개인적 느낌(beneficial/useful)는 각각 분명히 표현해야 합니다.

例: Yes. There are several tall buildings near my home. For example, a landmark tower called Star Building is very close and has an impressive design. I like it because it offers great views and useful facilities for residents.

提案: 의도를 전달하려는 것은 좋지만, 문장이 비문과 중복으로 어색합니다. 이유를 말할 때는 명확한 이유(for, because)를 사용하고, 추가 정보는 linking word(also, for example)를 사용해 연결하세요. 'take photos' 뒤에는 목적(remember, for my collection)이나 빈도(adverbs)도 덧붙이면 좋습니다.

例: Yes, I often take photos of buildings because I admire their designs. For example, I photograph interesting facades and details to remember them and to use in my personal collection.

提案: 구체적인 건물 이름을 말한 것은 좋았습니다. 다만 건물 설명과 이유를 더 구조적으로 말하세요: 먼저 주제문(I want to visit X), 다음에 이유(because of its architecture, observation deck)와 개인 행동(photograph it)을 연결어(and, because)을 사용해 덧붙이세요.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Lotte Tower because its architecture is stunning and it offers great views. I often photograph modern buildings, so I would love to capture the tower's unique details in my photos.

提案: 문법적 오류와 반복이 많아 의미 파악이 어렵습니다. 명확한 주제문(Yes or No)으로 시작한 뒤 이유를 두세 문장으로 구체화하세요. 예: 전망, 편의시설, 단점(비용, 소음) 등을 언급하고 linking words(because, however)를 사용해 조직하세요.

例: Yes, I would like to live in a tall building because it offers excellent city views and often has convenient facilities. However, I would consider the cost and possible noise before deciding.

× Yeah, I absolutely near tower building nearby my home nearby this star building is really beautiful and beneficial for me.

✓ Yes, there is a tall tower building near my home; this skyscraper is really beautiful and useful to me.

The original sentence has confused word order and missing verbs. 'Near tower building nearby my home' lacks a verb and uses redundant prepositions. Use 'there is' to introduce existence and order adjectives before nouns: 'a tall tower building' or 'a tall tower'. Replace 'beneficial for me' with 'useful to me' or 'beneficial' depending on context. Improve fluency by splitting into two clauses with a semicolon or conjunction.'

× So it when we see that this is really nice and good app.

✓ So when we see it, it looks really nice and useful.

The clause order is incorrect and 'app' is likely wrong word choice. 'So it when we see that this is...' is ungrammatical. Use 'So when we see it' then a main clause 'it looks really nice and useful.' Ensure subject and verb are present and word choice matches meaning.'

× Yeah, I absolutely take a photo of building because I like it and it has a nice design.

✓ Yes, I always take photos of buildings because I like their designs.

Use plural 'photos' and 'buildings' for general habits, and 'always' rather than 'absolutely'. Match possessive 'their designs' to plural subject. Also use consistent verb form for habitual actions.'

× So I I beneficial take up both those I memory this.

✓ So I take photos to keep those memories.

Original is ungrammatical and uses incorrect words like 'beneficial' and 'take up'. Use purpose clause 'to keep those memories' to express reason. Remove duplicate 'I' and reorder to subject-verb-object.'

× Umm, yeah, I I want to visit Lotte Tower in Signal is really umm, beautiful in love architecture and details.

✓ Yes, I want to visit Lotte Tower because the structure is beautiful and I love its architecture and details.

Run-on and fragmented clauses: 'Lotte Tower in Signal is really... love architecture' is unclear. Combine with 'because' to give reason and use 'I love its architecture' for possession. Remove duplicate 'I'. Ensure clear subject-verb relations.'

× I usually photograph modern yeah, so I think I like it.

✓ I usually photograph modern buildings, so I think I would like it.

Phrase 'photograph modern yeah' is disfluent; specify 'modern buildings'. Use 'would like' to express desire to visit. Keep sentence coherent and maintain tense consistency.'

× Yeah, I absolutely live in a tall bedding Umm, so I I'm be I'm live in tall building in in now, so and interpreting is has really take a desk or to city views, so I see it.

✓ Yes, I would like to live in a tall building. Living in a tall building now would give me great views of the city.

Original contains many errors: 'tall bedding' is incorrect word, duplicate pronouns, tense confusion, and unclear phrases like 'take a desk or to city views'. Use modal 'would like' to answer preference, and a second sentence to explain benefit with correct verb forms 'would give me' and noun phrase 'views of the city'. Ensure correct word choice and remove repetitions.'