Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Polish: Make the response more concise and correct minor grammar and vocabulary errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear words (e.g., “Basel car,” “use my use this view”). Mention concrete examples of what you notice to make the answer more specific.

例: I usually look out the window when I travel because I'm an artist and the scenery inspires my work. For example, I often notice interesting building facades and street layouts, which I later sketch, so I pay attention to light and colours as well.

提案: Polish: Clarify and organise your answer with a clear topic sentence and specific examples. Reduce hesitations and correct vocabulary (e.g., ‘deer’, ‘water birds’). Use linking words to structure the detail (e.g., ‘for example’, ‘especially’). Keep it within three to four sentences to sound natural and effective.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the window because I want to capture unusual scenes. For example, I photograph farm animals like deer and foxes, and sometimes water birds, so I can use the images later for reference in sketches.

提案: Polish: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then support it with 1–2 specific reasons and a linking phrase. Remove contradictory or confusing statements (the answer says prefer sea but mentions walking in mountains). Fix grammar (e.g., past habits: ‘used to go’ is fine) and avoid filler words. Provide a concise personal example to make it vivid.

例: I prefer the sea because I have fond childhood memories of visiting my aunt's house by the coast. For instance, I used to swim every morning and now I enjoy relaxing on the beach, which feels more peaceful to me than hiking in the mountains.

× Yes, I always look out the window when I am travelling by Basel car because I'm an artist and seeing a landscape.

✓ Yes, I always look out the window when I am travelling by bus or car because I'm an artist and I like seeing landscapes.

The original sentence misused 'Basel' for 'bus', omitted a verb for 'seeing a landscape' and mixed singular/plural. Use of 'like seeing landscapes' requires the verb 'like' before the present participle and plural 'landscapes' is more natural. Also 'bus or car' corrects the vehicle word. Suggestion: Insert the verb 'like' before the -ing form and use the correct noun and plural when speaking generally.

× It's really important for me because then I can use my use this view for my sketches or drawings.

✓ It's really important for me because then I can use this view for my sketches or drawings.

The phrase contained a duplicated verb 'use my use' which is ungrammatical. Remove the extra word so the modal 'can' correctly governs the base verb 'use'. Suggestion: Proofread to remove repeated words and ensure 'can' is followed by the base verb.

× And for me it's really important to see the buildings or architecture or everything.

✓ For me it's really important to see buildings, architecture, and other details.

The original 'or everything' is vague and awkward. A clearer noun list and the conjunction 'and' fix the sentence structure and parallelism. Suggestion: Use parallel nouns separated by commas and 'and' for clarity.

× Yes, as I said, uh, it's really important for me when I see something, uh, interesting or something different, especially like farm animals or, or white and white animals, animals like, uh, foxes or, uh, deeries or, or war where bird.

✓ Yes, as I said, it's really important for me when I see something interesting or different, especially farm animals, like foxes, deer, or water birds.

The original contained disfluencies and incorrect word forms: 'white and white animals' and 'deeries' and 'war where bird' are incorrect. Use correct animal names 'deer' (same singular/plural) and 'water birds'. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity and ensure parallel list structure. Suggestion: Replace nonstandard forms with correct animal names and present a clean, parallel list.

× I prefer sea.

✓ I prefer the sea.

When talking about the sea in general preference, English typically uses the definite article 'the'. Without it the phrase sounds incomplete. Suggestion: Use 'the' before 'sea' when expressing a general preference.

× When I was a child, I used to go with my parents to my aunt's house, uh, uh, by the sea.

✓ When I was a child, I used to go with my parents to my aunt's house by the sea.

Sentence had filler 'uh' and is otherwise correct. 'Used to' properly expresses a past habitual action. Suggestion: Remove filler words for fluency.

× And for me it's uh, a nice memory.

✓ For me, it is a nice memory.

Remove filler 'uh' and add a comma after 'For me' for clarity. The contraction 'it's' is acceptable but spelling out 'it is' is also fine; main issue was disfluency. Suggestion: Eliminate filler sounds and keep sentence concise.

× And I really like swimming.

✓ I really like swimming.

The sentence is grammatically correct; removing the leading conjunction 'And' makes it cleaner in this context. Suggestion: Avoid beginning sentences with 'And' in formal responses.

× That's why I always prefer to see and walking in mountains.

✓ That's why I always prefer to go to the sea and to walk in the mountains.

Original mixes infinitive 'to see' with '-ing' 'walking' incorrectly and misstates preference. 'Prefer to go to the sea and to walk in the mountains' uses parallel infinitives and correct prepositions. If the speaker prefers the sea, this sentence should contrast activities at sea and in mountains; chosen correction clarifies intent. Suggestion: Use parallel verb forms (both infinitives or both gerunds) and correct prepositions: 'go to the sea' and 'walk in the mountains'.

× It's really.

✓ It really is.

Fragment 'It's really.' is incomplete. Reversing to 'It really is.' completes the clause, though adding an adjective (e.g., 'It really is nice') would be clearer. Suggestion: Complete the sentence by including the complement after 'really' or restructure to 'It really is [adjective]'. '