Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar and word choice. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like "outcome comfort." Fix tense and article errors and reduce sentence length to under five sentences.

例: Yes. I usually enjoy looking out of the window when I travel by car or train because the changing landscape relaxes me. For example, I like watching passing fields and small villages, which helps me unwind after a busy day.

提案: Correct grammar, plurality and phrasing; use linking words to connect reasons and an example. Make sentences shorter and more natural, and include a specific example of what you capture.

例: Yes, I often photograph the view from the car because the light and colours can be beautiful. For example, I once captured a golden sunset over a river as we drove past, which reminded me of the whole trip.

提案: Avoid repetition and grammar mistakes ("help me helps me"); keep one clear topic sentence and one specific supporting detail. Use linking words to explain reasons and give a short personal example or frequency detail.

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy hiking and quiet nature. For instance, I often spend weekends walking through green valleys, which helps me relax and recharge after a busy week.

× I usually love looking out of the window to enjoy the scenery when I travel by car or train because I find a changing landscape relaxing.

✓ I usually love looking out of the window to enjoy the scenery when I travel by car or train because I find a changing landscape relaxing.

No grammatical correction needed for verb+ -ing here; sentence is correct. Keep continuous gerund 'looking' to describe habitual action of enjoying scenery.

× I don't travel by bus often though because I get carsick on buses so I prefer sitting in a car or on a train whenever when I can where I can see outcome comfort.

✓ I don't travel by bus often because I get carsick on buses, so I prefer sitting in a car or on a train whenever I can, where I can be more comfortable.

Errors: redundant 'though' unnecessary; 'whenever when' is redundant; 'where I can see outcome comfort' is ungrammatical. Correction uses comma before coordinating conjunction, removes redundancy, and uses 'be more comfortable' to express intended meaning. This addresses article errors and sentence structure; primary problems are sentence structure and incorrect phrase choice.

× Yes, I frequently photograph the view from the car because I enjoy capturing unique scenes.

✓ Yes, I frequently photograph the view from the car because I enjoy capturing unique scenes.

Sentence is correct in present simple to describe habitual action; no tense change needed.

× The scenery change quickly, so snapping picture let me keep memories, a beautiful light, colours or unexpected moments.

✓ The scenery changes quickly, so snapping pictures lets me preserve memories of beautiful light, colours, or unexpected moments.

Errors: subject-verb agreement ('scenery' acts singular so verb should be 'changes'), plural nouns needed ('pictures'), and verb agreement ('snapping pictures lets'). Use 'preserve memories of' for natural collocation. This fixes present participle/verb form and subject-verb agreement.

× So I love taking photo at the scenery outside the car window.

✓ So I love taking photos of the scenery outside the car window.

Use plural 'photos' and preposition 'of' after 'taking photos'; 'the scenery' is correct article use. Original had wrong article and wrong preposition.

× I prefer the mountains because I love hiking and being surrounded by nature.

✓ I prefer the mountains because I love hiking and being surrounded by nature.

Sentence is grammatically correct; present simple adequately expresses preference and habitual activities.

× For example, I enjoy walking through green valleys and admiring the beautiful landscape, which help me helps me relax and feel refreshed after work.

✓ For example, I enjoy walking through green valleys and admiring the beautiful landscape, which helps me relax and feel refreshed after work.

Relative clause refers to 'admiring the beautiful landscape' or the activity as singular idea, so verb should be 'helps' (third-person singular). Remove duplicate 'help/helps'. This fixes subject-verb agreement and removes repetition.