Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Сократите повторения и уберите паузы и слова-заполнители (например, «uh», «and»). Начните с чёткой тематической фразы, затем добавьте одно-два конкретных пояснения (когда и почему вы это делаете). Также исправьте грамматические ошибки и словосочетания (например, «daily activity activities» → «daily activity»).

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I usually do it to relax and to think about my plans for the week. For example, I enjoy watching people and buildings pass by because it helps me clear my mind.

提案: Уберите эмоциональные и неуместные выражения (например, «nothing can beat these activities» и «annoying them»). Говорите конкретно: как часто вы фотографируете, какие сцены вас привлекают и почему. Избегайте повторов и слов-паразитов, используйте связки («for example», «because», «so») для связности.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window, especially of landscapes and interesting buildings. For example, when my family and I go on road trips, I take pictures to remember the views and to share them later on social media.

提案: Сформулируйте чёткое вступление («I prefer the sea») и разовьите ответ двумя конкретными причинами, используя связки («because», «for example»). Исправьте грамматику (например, «sea than mountains» → «the sea to the mountains», «its voice» → «the sound of the waves») и избегайте пауз и повторов.

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because the sound of the waves helps me relax and meditate. For example, when I visit the coast, I like to sit by the shore and listen to the waves, which calms me after a busy week.

× Definitely, it's one of my favorite and daily activity activities and, and looking out the window when traveling by bus, uh, thinking about your future or thinking some, uh, daily events, uh, is, uh, pleasant thing to do.

✓ Definitely, it's one of my favorite daily activities, and looking out the window when traveling by bus, thinking about my future or about daily events, is a pleasant thing to do.

The student used 'activity activities' (redundant) and mismatched singular/plural forms 'one of my favorite and daily activity activities'. Use plural 'activities' after 'one of my' and combine adjectives correctly. Also use 'my' to match the subject and add the article 'a' before 'pleasant thing'. Suggestion: simplify to 'one of my favorite daily activities' and maintain consistent possessive pronoun and articles.

× Yes, definitely nothing can beat these activities for me uh, I'm keen on taking photos outside uh, when I'm uh in the car and uh, when we go to the traveling with my family, I always take a photo annoying them.

✓ Yes, definitely nothing can beat these activities for me. I'm keen on taking photos outside when I'm in the car, and when we travel with my family, I always take a photo, sometimes annoying them.

Problems: 'go to the traveling' is ungrammatical — use 'travel' or 'go travelling'. 'take a photo annoying them' lacks clarity and needs an adverb 'sometimes' and a participial phrase 'annoying them' to be separated by a comma. Also unnecessary 'outside uh' filler removed. Suggestion: use 'when we travel with my family' and insert 'sometimes' to indicate occasional annoyance.

× Honestly I prefer the sea uh than mountains uh, cause seas can uh give you pleasant feelings for meditation and its voice is such an amazing and can be relaxing then.

✓ Honestly, I prefer the sea to the mountains, because the sea can give you pleasant feelings for meditation, and its sound is amazing and relaxing.

Errors: wrong preposition 'prefer the sea than mountains' should be 'prefer X to Y'. 'cause' is informal; use 'because'. 'seas' vs 'the sea' inconsistent — use singular or 'the seas'. 'its voice' is incorrect collocation; use 'its sound'. Extra words 'such an' and 'can be' redundant; simplify to 'amazing and relaxing'. Suggestion: use 'prefer A to B', maintain consistent noun forms, and use correct collocations like 'sound' instead of 'voice' for natural phenomena.