Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. For example, replace filler words ("um", "yeah") and correct mistakes like "I love not to solve the sea beach" to a clear phrase. Aim for 2–4 sentences total.

例: Yes. I often look out the window when travelling by bus or car because I enjoy discovering new places. For instance, when I travel along the coast I like watching the sea and the sunlight on the water, which feels relaxing.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons using linking words. Remove hesitations and correct awkward phrasing (e.g. "sea lion" may be wrong if you meant "seaside"). Be specific about what you photograph and why it matters to you. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery outside the window because images help me remember special moments. For example, I like photographing sunsets over the sea since the colours remind me of calm evenings and childhood trips with friends.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence (state preference), then give specific reasons and an example. Correct pronunciation and word choice errors ("steam" → "sea" or "seaside"). Avoid filler words and repetition. Limit to 2–4 well-structured sentences and use linking words like "because" and "for example."

例: I prefer the sea because I love the coastline and warm sunny weather. For example, the seaside reminds me of childhood holidays with my friends, when we played on the beach and watched the sunset together.

× Yeah, usually when I am traveling by bus or car, I'm usually I do that, Yeah, because I love to explore new places.

✓ Yeah, usually when I am traveling by bus or car, I do that because I love to explore new places.

Redundant words and awkward phrasing: 'I'm usually I do that' mixes forms and repeats 'usually'. Remove the extra phrase and keep simple present continuous for habitual action: 'I am traveling' and present simple 'I do that'. Suggestion: speak in one clear clause and avoid repeating adverbs.

× I especially when I am near the sea, I love not to solve the sea beach, no.

✓ Especially when I am near the sea, I love to see the beach.

Multiple problems: incorrect wording 'not to solve the sea beach' is meaningless. Likely intended 'see the beach'. Also 'especially' needs to attach to clause. Use 'see' as correct verb and 'the beach' with definite article. Suggestion: use clear verbs and appropriate articles: 'see the beach'.

× And the sun, it's real great.

✓ And the sun is really great.

Colloquial contraction 'it's real great' uses adverb incorrectly: 'real' as adjective is informal; standard adverb is 'really'. Use 'is' instead of contraction for clarity. Suggestion: use 'really' before adjective.

× Yes, I always do that when I see beautiful sea lion or beautiful scenery out the window because when I look at uh, these photos, I remember this feeling when I had at the moment and I love taking pictures, yeah.

✓ Yes, I always do that when I see a beautiful seal or beautiful scenery outside the window because when I look at these photos, I remember the feeling I had at that moment and I love taking pictures.

Multiple issues: 'sea lion' likely intended 'seal' but keep 'sea lion' if meant; needs article 'a beautiful sea lion'. Use 'outside the window' rather than 'out the window'. 'These photos' should not be split. Replace 'this feeling when I had at the moment' with 'the feeling I had at that moment' for correct article and noun phrase order. Also remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: use articles with singular countable nouns, correct prepositional phrase 'outside the window', and correct relative clause order.

× I prefer steam because I just love the coastline.

✓ I prefer the sea because I just love the coastline.

Word choice error: 'steam' should be 'sea'. Maintain present simple 'I prefer' for preference. Suggestion: check pronunciation when speaking; 'sea' is correct noun.

× I love sun, I love sea umm, and things like that.

✓ I love the sun, I love the sea, and things like that.

Missing definite articles before 'sun' and 'sea' when speaking generally referring to the specific elements. Use 'the sun' and 'the sea'. Suggestion: include 'the' when referring to unique things like the sun or the sea in general contexts.

× when I look at uh, these photos, I remember this feeling when I had in my childhood uh, with my friends, with my best friends.

✓ When I look at these photos, I remember the feelings I had in my childhood with my friends.

Use plural 'feelings' or 'the feeling' consistently; 'had in my childhood' is fine but 'when I had in my childhood' is incorrect word order. Remove duplicate 'with my friends, with my best friends' to avoid repetition. Suggestion: use clear noun phrases and correct word order: 'the feelings I had in my childhood'.

× I loves him.

✓ I love them.

Pronoun and verb agreement: 'loves' is third person singular; speaker should use 'love'. 'Him' is unclear and likely incorrect reference; use 'them' or 'my friends' to refer to multiple friends. Suggestion: match verb to subject and use correct pronoun for antecedent.

× I prefer.

✓ I prefer the sea.

Incomplete sentence: 'I prefer' is a sentence without an object and sounds unfinished. Provide the object of preference to be clear. Suggestion: complete the sentence with what is preferred: 'I prefer the sea.'