Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words (uh, well). Start with a clear topic sentence then add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words (because, so, when) correctly and correct minor grammar (e.g., "in villages or rural areas"). Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel. When I am in villages or rural areas, I enjoy watching the fields and trees because the scenery is calm and peaceful.

提案: Give a direct answer then one clear reason with a specific example. Avoid awkward phrases ("peaceful minded", "bars") and use correct tense and word choice ("I usually do," "I take photos of nature"). Keep sentences short and link ideas with "because" or "so".

例: Yes, I usually take photos of the scenery when I travel by car, especially in rural areas, because the landscapes are beautiful. For example, last month I photographed green fields and small wooden houses while driving through the countryside.

提案: Answer directly and avoid unclear or repetitive language. Remove fillers and meaningless letters (A, C). Give one or two coherent reasons with specific details and a linking phrase (for example, because, so). Aim for grammatical correctness and natural expressions.

例: I prefer the sea because looking at the ocean relaxes me and gives me a sense of freedom. For instance, sitting on the beach and listening to the waves helps me clear my mind and feel refreshed.

× Uh, definitely, but it depends on the environment and the locations.

✓ Uh, definitely, but it depends on the environment and the location.

Use singular 'location' to match the singular 'the environment' or keep both plural. Here 'the location' sounds more natural. The error is incorrect use/choice of plural form; choose matching number and collocation.

× Uh, because when you're traveling in village or rural areas, then, well, and I look at the window and then the nature and the environments surrounding with me is very peaceful.

✓ Uh, because when you're traveling in a village or rural areas, I look out of the window at the scenery, and the surrounding nature is very peaceful.

Multiple issues: missing article 'a' before 'village', incorrect phrase 'surrounding with me', and awkward ordering. 'Look out of the window at the scenery' is the correct collocation. 'The surrounding nature is very peaceful' uses correct noun form and agreement.

× Yes I usually do but it depends on the location and where I travel by the car because in the village or rural areas I used to take photos the nature and the bars which is very peaceful minded as well as.

✓ Yes, I usually do, but it depends on the location and how I travel by car. In villages or rural areas I take photos of the scenery and fields, which are very peaceful.

Errors fixed: verb agreement 'I used to take' changed to present habitual 'I take' to match 'usually', removed article 'the' before 'car', used plural 'villages' to match general statement, changed 'take photos the nature' to 'take photos of the scenery', and corrected 'which is' to 'which are' for plural. Also 'peaceful minded' is unidiomatic; use 'peaceful'.

× I prefer sea because sea is A.

✓ I prefer the sea because the sea is special to me.

Use definite article 'the' before 'sea' when speaking about the sea in general. 'Sea is A' is unclear; replaced with 'special to me' to convey preference. Articles must be used correctly for general nouns like 'sea'.

× When I visit uh, see uh, it gives me a satisfaction of my eye.

✓ When I visit the sea, it gives me visual satisfaction.

Original has disfluent fillers and incorrect phrase 'satisfaction of my eye.' Use 'the sea' with definite article and a natural phrase 'gives me visual satisfaction' or 'is pleasing to my eyes.' This fixes sentence structure and idiomatic expression.

× Besides of that, in my point of view, C is A C is a symbol of broad minded circumstances.

✓ Besides that, in my point of view, the sea is a symbol of broad-mindedness.

'Besides of' is incorrect; use 'Besides that.' Remove unclear letters 'C is A C' and replace with 'the sea'. 'Broad-mindedness' is the correct noun form; hyphenate 'broad-minded' when used as adjective. This corrects preposition usage and makes the sentence meaningful.