Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조와 문법 오류를 고치고 더 자연스럽게 연결 표현을 사용하세요. 예를 들어 주제문으로 간단히 시작한 후 이유와 감정을 구체적으로 덧붙이세요. 또한 'convenient'는 경치를 설명할 때 적절하지 않으므로 적절한 어휘(pleasant, relaxing 등)로 바꾸세요. 문장 수는 2~3문장으로 간결하게 유지하세요.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I find the scenery very relaxing and beautiful, so I enjoy watching it to pass the time.

提案: 의도는 잘 전달되지만 시제와 단어 형태, 연결어 사용에 주의하세요. 'want to take photo and remembering' 대신 'like to take photos to remember'처럼 자연스럽게 표현하세요. 또한 이유를 덧붙일 때는 간결한 연결구(so, because)를 사용하세요.

例: If the view is especially beautiful, I like to take photos to remember it. That way I can look back at the pictures later and feel happy.

提案: 선호를 밝히는 주제문을 명확히 하고 이유를 구체적으로 서술하세요. 인칭대명사나 주어 사용(‘she’)은 부적절합니다. 'I live in Busan' 같은 배경 정보는 한 문장으로 깔끔히 연결하고, 불필요한 반복과 말더듬을 피하세요.

例: I prefer the sea because it makes me feel refreshed and the views are beautiful. Since I live in Busan, being near the ocean feels familiar and comfortable to me.

× Yes, because scenery make makes me feel convenient and it is very beautiful then I like it.

✓ Yes, because the scenery makes me feel comfortable and it is very beautiful, so I like it.

The subject 'scenery' is a singular uncountable noun and requires singular verb 'makes' (Grammar Problem Type ID 27). 'Make' was incorrect and duplicated as 'make makes'. 'Convenient' is wrong collocation for a feeling; 'comfortable' is more appropriate. Connect ideas with 'so' rather than 'then' for cause and effect. Suggestion: use 'the scenery makes' and choose appropriate adjectives like 'comfortable' or 'pleasant'.

× When it is very beautiful, I want to take photo and remembering. Remembering it is made me, makes me feel good.

✓ When it is very beautiful, I want to take photos to remember it. Remembering it makes me feel good.

Use noun phrase 'take photos' for plural and 'to remember' (infinitive) to express purpose rather than gerund 'remembering' directly after 'take photo'. The second sentence had wrong auxiliary and verb form 'is made me, makes me'; correct clause is 'Remembering it makes me feel good' using present simple (Grammar Problem Type ID 10 for present participle misuse and ID 6 for present tense). Suggestion: use 'take photos to remember' and 'Remembering it makes me feel good'.

× I like see more because she makes me feel fresh and it is very beautiful view and I I'm I live in Busan then I more feel comfort in.

✓ I prefer the sea because it makes me feel refreshed and it has a very beautiful view. I live in Busan, so I feel more comfortable there.

Pronoun 'she' is incorrect when referring to the sea; use 'it' (Grammar Problem Type ID 12). 'I like see more' is ungrammatical; use 'I prefer the sea'. 'Fresh' should be 'refreshed' to describe a feeling; 'beautiful view' needs article 'a' or 'a very beautiful view'. 'I more feel comfort in' is incorrect word order and collocation; use 'I feel more comfortable there'. Also connect ideas with 'so' for reason. Suggestion: use correct pronouns ('it'), prefer/refers verbs, correct adjective forms ('refreshed', 'comfortable'), and proper sentence order.