Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear and relevant: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid unclear phrases (e.g. “our worship”) and grammar errors. Use one or two specific supporting details and a linking word. Keep it concise (max 5 sentences). For example, say why you enjoy looking out (changing seasons, scenery, feeling relaxed) and give a brief example.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy watching the changing seasons. For example, in autumn I like seeing the leaves change colour, which makes me feel relaxed and refreshed.

提案: Clarify your meaning and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence (Yes or No), then give a specific reason or example. Avoid vague or wrong words (e.g. “you doing beautiful sense”). Use linking words like “because” or “for example.”

例: Yes, I sometimes take photos from the car window because I want to remember interesting moments. For example, I often photograph a stray dog or a colourful mural I pass while driving.

提案: Answer directly and give specific reasons: begin with a clear topic sentence (I prefer the mountains) then explain why with concrete details and a linking word. Avoid informal filler (‘So’, ‘I feel like’) and grammar mistakes; use past or present correctly.

例: I prefer the mountains because they are peaceful and green, which is a nice change from my busy hometown city. For example, when I visit the mountains I enjoy hiking and breathing fresh air, which helps me relax and recharge.

× Yes, I often look out of the window when traveling by bus or car because of our worship, the passing season.

✓ Yes, I often look out of the window when traveling by bus or car because of the weather and the changing seasons.

The original uses 'because of our worship, the passing season' which is incorrect word choice and preposition use. 'Because of' is fine but the noun phrase should be 'the weather and the changing seasons' to express reasons for looking out. Replace 'our worship' (incorrect and irrelevant) with 'the weather' and change 'the passing season' to 'the changing seasons' for clarity and correct noun form. Suggestion: Use precise nouns after 'because of' and ensure plural/singular forms match meaning.

× This makes me feel like relaxed and enjoyable.

✓ This makes me feel relaxed and happy.

'Like relaxed and enjoyable' is incorrect. After 'feel' use an adjective: 'relaxed' is correct, but 'enjoyable' describes things not people. Use 'happy' or 'enjoying it' instead. Also remove 'like' which is unnecessary here. Suggestion: Use adjectives that appropriately describe the subject and avoid using 'like' before an adjective after 'feel.'

× Yes, sometime I do when I see you doing beautiful sense of when I see the dog or cat.

✓ Yes, sometimes I do when I see something beautiful, like a dog or a cat.

Many issues: 'sometime' should be 'sometimes' (adverb of frequency); 'you doing beautiful sense of' is ungrammatical and unclear. 'When I see something beautiful' expresses the idea; use 'like a dog or a cat' as examples. Also add 'a' before 'dog' and 'cat'. Suggestion: Use 'sometimes' for frequency and simple, clear relative clauses: 'when I see something beautiful.'

× Though that's a good question. So for now I feel like I prefer the mountain because my hometown is made to be a city so I just get sick of that.

✓ That's a good question. For now I feel I prefer the mountains because my hometown is a city and I am tired of it.

Problems: sentence fragmentation ('Though' unnecessary), article use ('the mountain' should be plural 'the mountains' when speaking generally), and awkward phrase 'made to be a city.' Use 'my hometown is a city' and 'I am tired of it' instead of 'I just get sick of that.' Suggestion: Remove unnecessary 'Though' at start, use plural when speaking of mountains in general, and use natural verbs/phrases for feelings ('tired of').

× So I was so excited if I see the mountain.

✓ So I get very excited when I see the mountains.

Tense and conditional issue: 'was so excited if I see' mixes past and present; the question is general preference so use present 'get' and 'when' not 'if.' Also use plural 'mountains' to match general preference. Suggestion: Use simple present for habitual or general statements: 'I get excited when I see the mountains.'