Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds (uh), correct verb forms and vocabulary (e.g., 'when I travel by car or bus', 'I prefer not to use screens'). Use one or two supporting details linked with a simple connector (because/so).

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I prefer to rest my eyes rather than look at screens. For example, I enjoy watching passing landscapes and people-watching as it helps me relax.

提案: Give a direct answer, avoid repetition and filler, and add a brief specific reason or example. Use linking words (because/so) to make the response coherent and keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I rarely take photos because I prefer to experience the scenery with my own eyes. For instance, when I travel I focus on the passing views rather than stopping to take pictures.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence stating your preference, correct sentence structure and tense, and give one or two specific reasons. Use linking words (because/so/also) and avoid fragmented phrases.

例: I prefer the sea because I love swimming and relaxing on the beach. For example, I dream of visiting Australia since it is surrounded by coastline and offers great spots for swimming and snorkeling.

× I cannot seen uh, on a screens like for a lot of time in any vehicle.

✓ I cannot see, uh, screens for a long time in any vehicle.

The verb 'seen' is the past participle; after 'cannot' the base form 'see' is required. Also 'a screens' is incorrect; use 'screens' or 'a screen' and 'for a long time' is the correct phrase. Suggestion: use modal/can + base verb (cannot + see) and correct noun number and time expression.

× I do like see my dream country also is Australia which all surrounded by sea I love which is I love also swimming I see.

✓ I would like to see my dream country, Australia, which is surrounded by the sea. I also love swimming.

Multiple present-tense and sentence-structure problems. 'I do like see' should be 'I would like to see' (polite desire) or 'I like to see' if meaning preference; 'is Australia which all surrounded by sea' needs proper clause order: 'Australia, which is surrounded by the sea.' 'I love which is I love also swimming I see' is ungrammatical and redundant; simplified to 'I also love swimming.' Suggestions: break into clear sentences, use 'would like to' for wishes, place relative clause after the noun, and keep subject-verb order.

× I just want to watch all the view with just my eyes.

✓ I just want to watch the view with my own eyes.

Use 'watch the view' or 'look at the view'; 'all the view' is unnatural—use 'the view.' 'With just my eyes' is better phrased 'with my own eyes.' Suggestion: prefer 'look at the view' or 'enjoy the view with my own eyes.'

× I just take a live experience and I don't take too many photos.

✓ I just want to have the live experience, so I don't take many photos.

'Take a live experience' is an awkward collocation; better is 'have the live experience' or 'enjoy the live experience.' Also 'don't take too many photos' is acceptable but 'so' clarifies cause-effect. Suggestion: use natural collocations and connect clauses to show reason.

× Yes, most of the time I do look outside when I'm traveling with the Vasakar 'cause uh, I cannot seen uh, on a screens like for a lot of time in any vehicle.

✓ Yes, most of the time I look outside when I'm traveling by bus or car, because I cannot look at screens for a long time in any vehicle.

Multiple issues: 'do look' is unnecessary emphatic; simple present 'I look' is fine. 'Traveling with the Vasakar' is unclear—likely 'by bus or car.' 'Because' is better than casual ' 'cause.' Also 'cannot seen' should be 'cannot look' or 'cannot see' and 'on a screens' is incorrect; use 'at screens.' Suggestion: use simple present for habitual actions, correct preposition 'by' for transport, and base verb after modal.

× Do you prefer the mountains or the sea? Student: I do like see my dream country also is Australia which all surrounded by sea I love which is I love also swimming I see.

✓ I would like to see my dream country, Australia, which is surrounded by the sea. I also love swimming.

Redundant with earlier correction but addresses agreement and clause order: 'which all surrounded' is wrong; 'which is surrounded' uses third-person singular 'is' to agree with 'Australia.' Suggestion: ensure verb agrees with singular subject and place relative clause correctly.