Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Reduce repetition and avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., “It's a scenery”). Use linking words like “because” or “so” correctly and limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I always look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy watching the changing landscape. For example, I like spotting forests and farms along the road, which I find relaxing and inspiring.

提案: Make the answer more fluent and avoid repetition. Use a clear topic sentence followed by one specific reason and an example. Keep it within 2–3 sentences and correct tense/word forms (e.g., “these amazing moments,” “for future memories”).

例: Yes, I often take photos of interesting views from the car window because I want to capture the moment. For instance, last summer I photographed a dramatic sunset so I could remember that trip later.

提案: Reduce hesitation and organize your response: give a clear direct answer (topic sentence), then provide two specific reasons with linking words (e.g., “because” and “also”). Avoid filler words and ensure grammatical accuracy (e.g., “the mountains are more attractive to me” and “I can rest there”). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer the mountains to the sea because I find the scenery and fresh air more peaceful. Also, the mountains give me a quiet place to relax and go for hikes, which helps me unwind.

× It's a scenery when traveling by bus or car and I like it because I explore whole nature and for me it's so impressive.

✓ The scenery when traveling by bus or car is beautiful, and I like it because I can see the whole landscape and it is very impressive to me.

Use of 'a scenery' is incorrect; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun so no indefinite article. 'Explore whole nature' is unnatural and missing articles; 'the whole landscape' or 'the entire landscape' is clearer. Also 'for me it's so impressive' is better as 'it is very impressive to me' for natural word order and register.

× When I see something amazing outside the window, car window, I always take a picture because I would like to capture this amazing moments and also it helps me for good memories for future.

✓ When I see something amazing outside the car window, I always take a picture because I would like to capture these amazing moments, and it helps me keep good memories for the future.

'Car window' repetition is redundant; combine to 'car window.' 'This amazing moments' mixes singular demonstrative with plural noun; use 'these amazing moments.' 'It helps me for good memories for future' is ungrammatical; use 'it helps me keep good memories for the future.' Also remove unnecessary modal 'would' to match present habitual context.

× I prefer, umm, the mountains, the, uh, to the sea because uh, uh, for me, umm, nature in my mountains, they're more attractive, uh, and also call me uh, and I like uh, because uh, I have the time to rest in the mountain.

✓ I prefer the mountains to the sea because the nature in the mountains is more attractive to me, and I like them because I have time to rest in the mountains.

Pronominal references are confused: 'nature in my mountains, they're' incorrectly mixes singular 'nature' with plural pronoun 'they.' Use 'the nature in the mountains is' or 'the mountains are.' 'Call me' is unclear and likely incorrect; omitted. 'In the mountain' should be plural or use 'in the mountains' to match general meaning. Remove filler words and maintain consistent pronouns.