Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be careful with grammar, word choice and clarity. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms and word choices (e.g., 'especially', 'helps', 'spotting'). Keep it concise (max 4–5 sentences) and add one specific detail that supports your reason using a linking word (e.g., 'because' or 'for example').

例: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel, especially in Japan, because it helps me relax. For example, I enjoy spotting interesting buildings in Tokyo and watching the countryside change as we leave the city. I also like watching the sky at sunset because the colours are very peaceful.

提案: Improve accuracy and word choice, and avoid repetition. Use plural/singular correctly (e.g., 'take photos', 'share them with friends') and correct phrases ('cityscapes', 'dramatic light' rather than 'dramatic nights'). Add one concrete example linked with 'for instance' or 'for example'.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window to preserve memories and share them with friends. For instance, I photograph cityscapes and the changing colours of the sky at sunset because the light creates a strong atmosphere in my pictures.

提案: Make a clear topic sentence and fix grammar and sentence structure. Use linking words to explain reasons (e.g., 'because' or 'so'). Avoid awkward phrasing and keep to 2–3 sentences. Provide a specific activity or example to support your preference.

例: I prefer the mountains to the sea because I feel uncomfortable in water and I can't swim. Therefore, I enjoy hiking and spending time at higher altitudes, for example exploring mountain trails and enjoying panoramic views.

× Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel, specially in Japan because it's help me relax and enjoy watching the cityscape and the passing countryside.

✓ Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel, especially in Japan because it helps me relax and enjoy watching the cityscape and the passing countryside.

Errors: 'specially' should be 'especially' (word choice) and 'it's help' is incorrect verb form and pronoun contraction. 'It's' is a contraction of 'it is' or 'it has', but the correct subject is 'it' with verb 'helps' (third person singular). Suggestion: use 'especially' and the third-person singular verb 'helps' without contraction confusion.

× I also like sporting interesting buildings or the changing colour of the sky at sunset.

✓ I also like spotting interesting buildings or the changing colour of the sky at sunset.

Error: 'sporting' is the wrong word; the intended verb is 'spotting' (to notice). This is a word choice error (incorrect gerund). Suggestion: use 'spotting' to mean noticing things while travelling.

× I often take photo from the car window to preserve memories of trips and to share the best shop with friends.

✓ I often take photos from the car window to preserve memories of trips and to share the best shots with friends.

Errors: 'photo' should be plural 'photos' to agree with 'often' and general activity. 'the best shop' is incorrect word choice; likely 'shots' (photos). Suggestion: use plural 'photos' and correct noun 'shots' when referring to photographs.

× I especially like capturing cityscape and the changing colours of the sky at sunset because they create dramatic nights and a strong sense of atmosphere.

✓ I especially like capturing cityscapes and the changing colours of the sky at sunset because they create dramatic scenes and a strong sense of atmosphere.

Errors: 'cityscape' should be plural 'cityscapes' to match general activity or use 'the cityscape' singular; 'create dramatic nights' is unnatural—'dramatic scenes' fits meaning. Suggestion: use plural or add article, and replace 'nights' with 'scenes' to describe visual drama.

× I prefer the mountains to the sea but are beautiful, but I am not comfortable in water since I can't swim, so I like hiking and spend time at higher altitudes instead.

✓ I prefer the mountains to the sea because they are beautiful, but I am not comfortable in the water since I can't swim, so I like hiking and spending time at higher altitudes instead.

Multiple errors: missing subject 'they' in 'are beautiful' (sentence structure/subject-verb agreement); 'in water' needs article 'in the water' or 'in water' is less natural; parallelism error 'like hiking and spend' should be 'like hiking and spending'. Suggestion: add 'because they are', use 'the water', and keep verb forms parallel by using gerund 'spending'.