Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and unclear phrases (‘take away the time’, ‘one eye’, ‘wonder’). Use linking words if you add a reason. Give one or two specific supporting details (when or what you notice).

例: Yes. I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because it helps me relax. For example, I like watching changing landscapes or people in small towns, and noticing colors and movement helps the journey pass quickly.

提案: Provide a smoother, more natural response and avoid filler words. Start with a direct answer, then give a brief condition and a specific example. Use linking words like ‘if’ or ‘when’ for clarity.

例: Sometimes. If I see a particularly beautiful scene—such as a dramatic sunset or an interesting street scene—I’ll quickly take a photo with my phone to remember it.

提案: Begin with a direct statement, then give two clear, specific reasons connected with linking words. Remove hesitations and use slightly richer vocabulary (e.g., ‘tranquility’, ‘bracing sea air’).

例: I prefer the sea because it gives me a sense of tranquility and the fresh, bracing sea air makes me feel refreshed. Also, I enjoy the wide blue horizon which helps me clear my mind.

× Yes, I have this small habit and I think it's a very great way to take away the time and uh, one eye.

✓ Yes, I have this small habit and I think it's a great way to pass the time and relax my eyes.

The original uses awkward phrases: 'take away the time' is incorrect; 'pass the time' is the idiomatic verb + -ing context but here simple verb is fine. 'one eye' is incorrect and unclear; 'relax my eyes' conveys the intended meaning. Replace incorrect collocations with common expressions. Use consistent tense and natural verb phrases. Suggestion: Use idiomatic phrases such as 'pass the time' and 'relax my eyes' to sound natural.'

× I'm watching the sceneries.

✓ I'm watching the scenery.

'Scenery' is an uncountable noun and should not take the plural form 'sceneries.' Use the singular uncountable form 'scenery.' Also 'I'm watching' is acceptable present continuous; keep it if describing the ongoing action.'

× I feel relaxed and wonder.

✓ I feel relaxed and amazed.

The verb 'wonder' is not used correctly here; it usually requires an object or clause (e.g., 'I wonder why...'). The intended meaning is likely 'amazed' or 'in wonder.' Replace with an adjective 'amazed' or the phrase 'filled with wonder.' Ensure adjective usage follows 'feel.'

× It depends on situations.

✓ It depends on the situation.

Use the singular countable noun 'situation' with the verb 'depends on' in this general context. The plural 'situations' is possible but requires an article or determiner (e.g., 'depends on the situations'), so 'the situation' or 'the situation' is more natural here.'

× When I uh, look the beautiful scenery or like a beautiful crowd, I will quickly pick up my phone and uh, take the picture.

✓ When I see beautiful scenery or an interesting crowd, I quickly pick up my phone and take a picture.

'Look the beautiful scenery' is incorrect; use 'see' or 'look at' with the object: 'look at the scenery.' 'Like a beautiful crowd' is awkward; 'an interesting crowd' or 'a crowd I like' is clearer. Use simple present 'I quickly pick up' for habitual actions rather than future 'I will.' Use 'take a picture' (no article 'the' unless a specific picture is implied). Remove filler words for clarity.'

× Uh, basically I prefer the sea because it gives me a sense of peace and uh, also I like blue and there's a fresh air around the sea.

✓ Basically I prefer the sea because it gives me a sense of peace; I also like the color blue and the fresh air by the sea.

'I like blue' is acceptable but more natural to say 'I like the color blue.' 'There's a fresh air' is incorrect because 'air' is uncountable and does not take 'a'; use 'the fresh air' or just 'fresh air.' Also 'around the sea' is awkward; use 'by the sea' or 'at the seaside.' Adjust articles and prepositions for natural collocations.'