Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more grammatical. Start with a direct topic sentence, avoid redundancy, use linking words and give one brief reason or example. Keep answers under five sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I find watching the scenery relaxing, and it helps me notice interesting places along the route. For example, on my commute I often see a small park with people walking their dogs, which brightens my day.

提案: Organise your answer with a clear topic sentence and concise supporting detail. Correct verb forms and use linking words for coherence. Give a specific short example and avoid fragmented sentences.

例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery visible from car windows because I want to remember beautiful places. For instance, when I recently visited Trench, I photographed a striking river view and later saved the pictures to my phone album.

提案: Give a direct preference sentence and explain briefly using correct tense and vocabulary. Avoid unclear metaphors (e.g. 'Ferrari scenery') and use linking words to compare past and present preferences.

例: I like both, but now I prefer the mountains for travelling because I enjoy hiking and quiet nature. When I was a child I preferred swimming in the sea, but these days I choose mountain trips for the views and fresh air.

× I usually look out the scenery and through the windows when I get the bus work at the train.

✓ I usually look at the scenery through the windows when I take the bus or the train.

The verb 'look' collocates with 'at' for objects (look at the scenery). 'Look out' is followed by 'of' (look out of the window) but here 'look at the scenery through the windows' is natural. Prepositions for transport are 'take the bus' or 'take the train', not 'get the bus work at the train'. Also word order was incorrect; rearranged to a natural English order. Suggestion: Use 'look at' + object and 'take' + mode of transport. Make sure to place 'through the windows' after 'look at the scenery' for clarity.

× I think the scenery in the journey is more important than the destination.

✓ I think the scenery during the journey is more important than the destination.

The preposition 'in' is not idiomatic with 'journey' here; 'during the journey' or 'on the journey' is correct. This is a sentence structure/preposition choice to convey time correctly. Suggestion: Use 'during the journey' or 'on a journey' to refer to what happens while traveling.

× Yeah, if the scene were out of the window, it's beautiful.

✓ Yes, if the scene outside the window is beautiful, I take pictures.

'The scene were out of the window' mixes tenses and incorrect preposition. Use 'outside the window' to describe location. Also maintain tense consistency: conditional 'if' with present simple for real situations. Reworded to natural expression and consistent tense. Suggestion: Use present simple after 'if' for real possibilities: 'if the scene outside the window is beautiful'. Replace 'were' with 'is'.

× I guess I can't help taking a picture.

✓ I guess I can't help taking pictures.

Plural 'pictures' is more natural when speaking generally. Sentence structure is acceptable but pluralization improves fluency. Suggestion: Use plural when referring to taking photos in general.

× For example, I traveled in to Trench recently and I look beautiful. River.

✓ For example, I traveled to Trench recently and I saw a beautiful river.

'Traveled in to' is incorrect; use 'traveled to'. 'I look beautiful. River.' is ungrammatical and unclear; likely meant 'I saw a beautiful river.' Also past tense 'traveled' requires past 'saw'. Suggestion: Use 'traveled to' for destination and use consistent past tense verbs for completed actions.

× I take some picture of it and I think I must store it.

✓ I took some pictures of it and I think I must save them.

Use past tense 'took' to match 'traveled recently'. 'Some picture' should be 'some pictures'. 'Store it' is awkward for photos; 'save them' or 'keep them' is more natural. Pronoun must match plural 'them'. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and match pronouns to plural nouns.

× Both are my Ferrari scenery.

✓ Both have splendid scenery, and I like them both.

'My Ferrari scenery' is nonsensical; likely a misuse of an adjective. Replaced with a natural expression 'have splendid scenery' and clarified meaning. Suggestion: Use clear adjectives to describe scenery (beautiful, spectacular, splendid) rather than unrelated nouns.

× When I was child I like to swimming in the sea, but now climbing the mountains also my first choice if I want to travel.

✓ When I was a child I liked to swim in the sea, but now climbing the mountains is my first choice when I want to travel.

Missing article 'a' before 'child'. Tense inconsistency: 'When I was a child' requires past 'liked' not present 'like'. 'Like to swimming' is ungrammatical; use 'like to swim' or 'liked swimming'. 'Climbing the mountains also my first choice' lacks verb 'is' and tense consistency. 'If I want to travel' should be 'when I want to travel' for habitual preference. Suggestion: Add articles where needed, use past tense for past habits, use base verb after 'to', and include the verb 'is' for linking verbs.