Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện tính tự nhiên và rõ ràng của câu trả lời: tránh dùng cụm từ không tự nhiên (ví dụ “be pure before going out”) và diễn đạt ý tưởng một cách cụ thể hơn. Thêm liên kết hợp lý giữa các câu (ví dụ: “because, so, therefore”) và giới hạn độ dài không quá 5 câu. Nên thay “forecast what is going to happen” bằng cụm từ đơn giản hơn như “guess the weather” và giải thích cụ thể hơn về “necessities”.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because it helps me relax. I especially watch the sky to guess the weather, so I can decide whether to take an umbrella or a jacket. I also enjoy noticing changes in light and clouds because they make the journey more interesting.

提案: Giảm sử dụng lặp từ và tiếng tạm (uh). Diễn đạt chính xác hơn bằng thì phù hợp (avoid informal 'gonna') và thêm chi tiết cụ thể về tần suất hoặc mục đích chụp ảnh. Sử dụng liên từ như “because” hoặc “so” để làm câu mạch lạc hơn.

例: Yes, I take photos occasionally when I notice an unusual sky or interesting colours. I usually photograph dramatic clouds or sunsets because I want to remember the view and sometimes share it on social media. I try to capture the scene quickly before it changes.

提案: Tránh các tiếng tạm và sự lặp: loại bỏ “umm”, “uh”, và sửa ngữ pháp (plural/singular and collocations). Câu trả lời cần rõ ràng với câu chủ đề ngay đầu và tiếp theo là lý do cụ thể, kèm ví dụ. Thay “Whenever it flows around me” bằng mô tả cụ thể hơn (e.g., the sound of waves, swimming).

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because I love the ocean and feel calm near the water. For example, the sound of the waves and swimming make me relaxed and help me forget stress. I also enjoy snorkeling because being underwater feels peaceful.

× Yes, of course. I think this is a way for me to be pure before going out.

✓ Yes, of course. I think this is a way for me to feel refreshed before going out.

The original uses 'be pure', which is unnatural in English for the intended meaning. Use 'feel refreshed' to convey the idea of mental or emotional clarity. This is a word choice and present-tense state issue; keep present simple 'think' and 'is' consistent. Suggestion: use natural stative verbs and expressions in present tense.

× When I look at the sky, I can forecast what is going to happen and bring the necessities with me.

✓ When I look at the sky, I can predict what is going to happen and bring the necessary things with me.

'Forecast' is normally used with weather or formal contexts; 'predict' is more natural here. 'Necessities' is correct but 'necessary things' or 'what I need' sounds more natural. Modal 'can' is fine. Keep future 'is going to' as it fits forecasting. Suggestion: choose more natural verbs and collocations.

× Yes I do now and then, uh, whenever I see the unusual sky, uh, sky color, I'm gonna try to take a photo to keep the moments.

✓ Yes, I do now and then. Whenever I see an unusual sky color, I try to take a photo to capture the moment.

Use present simple 'I do' and 'I try' for habitual actions rather than 'I'm gonna' which is informal future. Use 'an unusual sky color' (article) and 'capture the moment' is a natural collocation. Also remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: use present simple for habits and choose standard collocations.

× I think I prefer sea to mountain.

✓ I think I prefer the sea to the mountains.

When comparing general nouns like 'sea' and 'mountain', use definite articles 'the' and plural 'mountains' to refer generally. Use preposition 'to' is correct. Suggestion: use 'the' and pluralize when speaking about types or categories in general.

× Umm, I don't know why but I love the oceans and I love being underwater.

✓ Umm, I don't know why, but I love the ocean and I love being underwater.

'The oceans' is grammatically acceptable, but 'the ocean' as a general concept is more natural. Maintain present simple 'love'. Suggestion: prefer singular 'ocean' for the general idea or use 'the oceans' if referring to all seas; either is okay but be consistent.

× Like uh, is is what? Whenever it flows around me I feel relaxed.

✓ When the water flows around me, I feel relaxed.

The original contains disfluencies 'Like uh, is is what?' which are filler words and unclear. Rephrase to a clear subject 'the water' and present simple verb 'flows' for habitual or general truth. Keep comma after subordinate clause. Suggestion: remove fillers and use a clear subject-verb structure.