Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatically accurate, concise, and use linking words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Correct tense and phrasing (e.g., “I like seeing different landscapes and the countryside”), avoid repetition, and keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy looking out the window because I like seeing different landscapes and the countryside; it often inspires me. For example, rural views of fields and small villages make me feel relaxed and give me ideas for photography.

提案: Reduce hesitation and filler words, correct vocabulary and grammar, and provide a brief reason with a linking word. Use one clear topic sentence and one supporting detail or example. Replace vague words (‘screening’) with ‘scenery’ and use correct verb forms.

例: Not usually, because photos taken from a moving car often turn out blurred. Instead, I prefer to stop the car and take pictures then, as the results are much clearer and more enjoyable to edit.

提案: Answer directly with a topic sentence stating your preference or balanced view, then give specific reasons using linking words. Fix unclear phrases (e.g., ‘My family from city’ and ‘CSI’ likely meant ‘sea’). Keep to 2–3 sentences and use precise vocabulary.

例: I find it hard to choose because I enjoy both. On the one hand, I love the mountains since I grew up in a city surrounded by them and appreciate hiking; on the other hand, I like the sea because I enjoy swimming and relaxing on the beach.

× I look out the window and I like it a lot 'cause I like see another and other landscapes and countryside.

✓ I look out the window and I like it a lot because I like seeing different landscapes and the countryside.

The verb 'like' when followed by another verb should take the -ing form (gerund); 'like see' is incorrect. Also 'another and other' is redundant; use 'different' and include the definite article before 'countryside' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'like seeing' and 'different landscapes and the countryside.'

× It's inspire, it inspires me a lot.

✓ It inspires me a lot.

The phrase 'It's inspire' mixes a noun phrase and a verb form incorrectly. Use the third-person singular present 'inspires' with the subject 'it.' Remove the redundant clause. Suggestion: use a single correct clause 'It inspires me a lot.'

× I don't like taking photos of the screening outside because usually uh, photos uh, make a blur and uh, I prefer uh, taking photos while stopping car and I think photos became better.

✓ I don't like taking photos through the car window because they usually turn out blurry, and I prefer taking photos when the car stops because the photos are better.

'of the screening outside' is incorrect; use 'through the car window' or 'outside the car window.' 'make a blur' should be 'turn out blurry.' 'while stopping car' needs the correct prepositional phrase 'when the car stops.' 'became better' is past tense and wrong aspect; use 'are better.' Suggestions: use clear prepositions ('through','when') and correct verb forms ('turn out blurry', 'are better').

× usually uh, photos uh, make a blur

✓ they usually turn out blurry

The original uses 'make a blur' which is unnatural and mixes count noun 'a blur' with plural subject 'photos.' Use 'they' to refer to 'photos' and the adjective 'blurry' or the verb phrase 'turn out blurry.' Suggestion: say 'photos usually turn out blurry.'

× My family from city and the city is among mountains and I like mountains a lot.

✓ My family is from the city, and the city is among the mountains, so I like mountains a lot.

Missing verb 'is' after 'My family' and missing articles: 'from city' should be 'from the city.' Also 'among mountains' needs the definite article 'the mountains.' Suggestion: include necessary verbs and articles and add a conjunction for clarity.

× But I like CSI too because I love swimming a lot.

✓ But I like the sea too because I love swimming a lot.

'CSI' appears to be a typo for 'sea.' This is a lexical/pronoun-like error; replace with the correct noun 'the sea.' Include the definite article 'the sea.' Suggestion: proofread for typos and ensure correct nouns are used.

× My family from city and the city is among mountains and I like mountains a lot.

✓ My family is from the city, which is surrounded by mountains, so I like mountains a lot.

The original lacks the verb 'is' in the first clause and the relative structure is awkward. Rewriting with a relative clause improves clarity and grammaticality. Suggestion: add missing verbs and use relative clauses for clear relationships.

× I don't like taking photos of the screening outside because usually uh, photos uh, make a blur and uh, I prefer uh, taking photos while stopping car and I think photos became better.

✓ I don't like taking photos through the car window because they usually turn out blurry, and I prefer taking photos when the car stops because the photos are better.

The student mixed tenses ('became better' is past) and used awkward phrasing. Maintain present tense to match the general preference. Suggestion: keep present tense 'are better' and use consistent verb forms.

× It's inspire, it inspires me a lot.

✓ It inspires me a lot.

The verb should agree with third-person singular subject 'it' using 'inspires.' 'It's inspire' is ungrammatical. Suggestion: use 'it inspires.'