Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Ответ понятен, но есть ошибки грамматики и структура неестественна. Улучшите: 1) Используйте правильное время и порядок слов — «when I travel with my family by car» или «when we travel by car». 2) Сформулируйте тему предложения ясно — начните с простого утверждения, затем добавьте одну-две конкретные детали. 3) Избегайте повторов («by car, by our car») и слов-паразитов. Примерный план: тема → причина или частота → конкретный пример.

例: Yes, I do. I often look out of the window when I travel by car with my family because we enjoy seeing the countryside. For example, last summer we drove through small villages and I liked watching the changing fields and houses.

提案: Ответ короткий и содержит паузы и ошибки в словоупотреблении. Улучшите: 1) Замените разговорные паузы («umm») на плавные связки. 2) Используйте корректные глагольные формы — «I often take photos of the landscape, mountains and sunsets». 3) Добавьте одну конкретную деталь (например, какой ракурс или почему вы фотографируете).

例: Yes, I do. I often take photos of landscapes, mountains and sunsets when we travel by car because the light is beautiful. For instance, I usually photograph the mountains from the roadside to capture their size and the warm colours of the sky.

提案: Ответ выражает предпочтение, но есть ошибки грамматики, повторы и слова-паразиты. Улучшите: 1) Сформулируйте простое ясное утверждение: «I prefer the mountains». 2) Обоснуйте выбор конкретной причиной и приведите пример — как часто вы ходите туда или что именно нравится. 3) Избегайте повторений названия и «uh».

例: I prefer the mountains. My family and I often visit Chimgan, which is a beautiful mountain area in my country, and I enjoy the fresh air, hiking trails and the views. For example, last winter we spent a weekend there walking and taking photos of the snowy slopes.

× I look out the window at the scenery when I traveled my family by car, by our car.

✓ I look out the window at the scenery when I travel with my family by car.

The student mixed present and past tense and used an incorrect verb pattern ('traveled my family'). Use simple present 'travel' for habitual actions. Use 'travel with my family' to indicate accompaniment and 'by car' for the mode of transport. Suggestion: keep tense consistent (simple present) for routines and use correct verb + preposition combinations.

× I often take the photos the landscape and mountains and sunset when we traveled in a car.

✓ I often take photos of the landscape, mountains, and sunsets when we travel by car.

The sentence mixed present habitual 'I often take' with past 'traveled'. Use simple present 'travel' for routines. Also correct collocation: 'take photos of' and pluralize 'sunset' to 'sunsets' for repeated events. Use 'by car' instead of 'in a car' for consistency and naturalness.

× In my opinion, I prefer the mountains absolutely, because we are, uh, very often go to the mountains with my family.

✓ In my opinion, I absolutely prefer the mountains because my family and I very often go to the mountains.

The original has incorrect word order and filler interruptions. 'Prefer' needs an object 'the mountains' and adverb placement 'absolutely' should come before the verb. 'We are very often go' mixes auxiliary 'are' with simple present 'go'; remove 'are' and use 'my family and I' for natural subject order. Keep simple present for habitual actions.

× It's very, uh, most beautiful, uh, place in my country.

✓ It's the most beautiful place in my country.

Combining 'very' and 'most' is incorrect; superlative 'the most beautiful' already expresses the highest degree. Also include the definite article 'the' before a superlative. Remove fillers and redundant words. Suggestion: use 'the most beautiful' for superlative statements.

× It's named Chimgan. Chimgan.

✓ It's called Chimgan.

'It's named Chimgan' is understandable but less natural; use 'It's called Chimgan' for naming places. Repeating the name is unnecessary. Suggestion: keep one clear statement: 'It's called Chimgan.'