Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition and make the response more concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Use linking words (for example, because) and avoid repeating phrases like "I use my phone" twice.

例: Yes — I enjoy looking out the window, especially when I visit new places, because the views feel fresh and interesting. For example, I often take photos with my phone to save memories of landscapes and city scenes for later.

提案: Good content and clear reason, but tidy up phrasing and fix small errors. Use one linking phrase to connect ideas and avoid awkward repetitions (e.g., "those at these pictures"). Be specific about what you feel or plan after viewing the photos.

例: Yes, I often photograph landscapes from the window because the images help me remember the trip. For instance, I capture mountain ridges and coastal views, and looking at these photos later inspires me to plan new adventures.

提案: This is a clear, well-organized answer with a topic sentence and specific reasons. To improve further, add a brief contrasting detail about the mountains to show balance, and use a linking word to contrast (e.g., "however").

例: I like both, but I prefer the sea because its calmness soothes me. For example, when I feel sad I go to the seaside, and the sound of the waves and the breeze always makes me feel refreshed; however, I also enjoy mountains for hiking and fresh air.

× Yes, I usually look at the window, at the scenery when traveling by bus or car, most especially when I'm traveling to new places.

✓ Yes, I usually look out of the window at the scenery when traveling by bus or car, especially when I'm going to new places.

The original sentence uses 'look at the window' which is less natural than 'look out of the window' for viewing scenery (preposition issue, ID 11). 'Most especially' is awkward; 'especially' is more idiomatic (word choice, ID 13). 'When I'm traveling to new places' is acceptable but 'when I'm going to new places' is more natural in this context (verb choice). Suggestion: use 'look out of the window' to indicate observing outside, replace 'most especially' with 'especially', and prefer 'going to' for imminent movement.

× For example, I use my phone.

✓ For example, I use my phone to take photos.

The original sentence is short and vague and lacks an explicit object that connects to the previous idea (sentence structure error, ID 26). Adding 'to take photos' clarifies purpose and completes the thought. Suggestion: always include the verb's purpose when it relates to the previous sentence to avoid fragmentary or unclear statements.

× I use my phone to take beautiful pictures for future memories.

✓ I use my phone to take pictures to remember the trip.

'Beautiful pictures for future memories' is wordy and slightly unidiomatic (word choice/adjective use, ID 13). 'Take pictures to remember the trip' is concise and idiomatic. Suggestion: simplify phrases by using common collocations like 'take pictures to remember' or 'take photos as memories'.

× Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the car window because they help me remember the trip.

✓ Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the car window because they help me remember the trip.

This sentence is grammatically correct. 'They' correctly refers to 'photos' (pronoun use, ID 12). No change needed. Suggestion: none.

× I like to capture mountains and coastal views, and looking back at those at these pictures makes me want to plan another adventure to create small, beautiful memories.

✓ I like to capture mountains and coastal views, and looking back at those pictures makes me want to plan another adventure to create small, beautiful memories.

The phrase 'those at these pictures' is incorrect; it combines two demonstratives redundantly (incorrect demonstrative/pronoun use, ID 12). Removing 'at these' leaves 'those pictures' or simply 'those' referring to the photos. Suggestion: use a single demonstrative or pronoun, e.g., 'those pictures' or 'them'.

× I like both the mountains and the sea, but I prefer the sea because of its calm nature.

✓ I like both the mountains and the sea, but I prefer the sea because of its calmness.

'Calm nature' is understandable but 'calmness' is a more natural noun form to describe the sea's quality (word choice/adjective-to-noun, ID 13). Suggestion: use 'calmness' or 'peaceful nature' depending on the intended nuance.

× When I feel sad, I go to the seaside.

✓ When I feel sad, I go to the seaside.

This sentence is correct. 'Go to the seaside' is natural and grammatically fine (no change). Suggestion: none.

× The sound of the waves and sea breeze always make me feel refreshed and more relaxed.

✓ The sound of the waves and the sea breeze always makes me feel refreshed and more relaxed.

The original uses 'make' which incorrectly treats two linked noun phrases as plural; however 'the sound of the waves and the sea breeze' functions as a singular conceptual subject (subject-verb agreement, ID 27). Adding 'the' before 'sea breeze' clarifies the linked single idea and using 'makes' agrees with singular sense. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement by determining whether the subject is singular or plural and add articles for clarity.