Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct grammar (plural/singular, articles), and add one specific detail using a linking word. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I enjoy watching the countryside, especially fields of grass and patches of colorful flowers. For example, I often notice old houses with tiled roofs that show how local people live.

提案: Be specific about what you photograph and why. Use one clear topic sentence, then a linking word to give a reason or an example. Fix word choice and unnecessary fillers to sound more natural.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window. For instance, I usually photograph colorful flowers and wide landscapes because they create memories that I like to keep on my phone.

提案: Give a direct answer, then add two concise, specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (article use, redundant phrases) and avoid hesitations. Use concrete descriptions rather than vague repeats.

例: I prefer the mountains. First, I love the greenery of the hills and the peaceful atmosphere; for example, walking on forest trails is very relaxing. Also, I enjoy cooler weather and snow in winter, which makes mountain views especially beautiful.

× I mostly look out the window whenever I go by bus or car because I need to explore the different different kinds of sceneries like grass and having some flowers and having a old houses.

✓ I mostly look out the window whenever I travel by bus or car because I like to see different kinds of scenery, such as grass, flowers, and old houses.

The noun 'sceneries' is incorrect; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun (singular). 'Kinds of scenery' is correct. Remove redundant 'different' and fix article use: 'a old houses' is wrong because 'houses' is plural and should be 'old houses' without 'a'. Also change 'having some flowers and having a old houses' to a parallel and concise list. Use 'travel' instead of 'go by' for natural phrasing.

× I take photos of the Sindri because I have to take the pictures like of the colorful flowers and the sceneries and the landscapes by seeing it and it is my memorable things which I can store in my phone.

✓ I take photos of the scenery because I like to capture colorful flowers, landscapes, and other views, and these memorable photos are stored on my phone.

Replace 'the Sindri' (probably intended 'scenery') and 'the sceneries' with uncountable 'scenery'. Use gerund/verb forms correctly: 'by seeing it' is awkward and unnecessary. 'It is my memorable things' is incorrect; use 'these memorable photos' and correct verb agreement 'are stored'. This fixes incorrect participle usage and makes sentence fluent.

× Well, I prefer the mountains because in the mountains there are lots of things which I can usually watch like the I mostly like the hills and mountains, their greenery of the mountains.

✓ Well, I prefer the mountains because there are many things to see, such as hills and the green scenery of the mountains.

Streamline tense and phrasing: 'lots of things which I can usually watch' is unnatural; use 'many things to see'. Remove redundant fragments 'the I mostly like' and correct noun phrase 'their greenery of the mountains' to 'the green scenery of the mountains'. Maintain present simple tense 'prefer' and 'are'.

× Like whenever we can go in the cold, there are lots of snow over the mountains.

✓ When we go there in winter, there is a lot of snow on the mountains.

Use correct tense and seasonal reference: 'whenever we can go in the cold' is awkward; 'when we go there in winter' is clearer. 'There are lots of snow' is incorrect because 'snow' is uncountable and should use 'there is a lot of snow' or 'there is lots of snow', and the preposition should be 'on the mountains' not 'over'. This fixes present tense phrasing and noun agreement.