Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조를 간결하게 하고 불필요한 움짤음('umm')을 줄이세요. 먼저 직접적인 주제문으로 시작하고, 이어서 이유를 두세 개의 구체적이고 논리적인 설명으로 연결하세요. 연결어(for example, therefore, and)나 구체적 표현(natural landscape, urban skyline, get car-sick)을 사용해 문장을 명확하게 만드세요. 최대 3~4문장으로 답변을 구성해 자연스럽고 효과적인 응답을 목표로 하세요.

例: Yes. I usually sit by the window because I enjoy watching the natural landscapes or the city skyline. For example, I like spotting parks and old buildings on long journeys. Also, sitting by the window helps me avoid getting car-sick.

提案: 중복 표현과 문법 오류를 줄이세요 (take a lot of picture → take a lot of pictures, remain this travel memories → preserve these travel memories). 또한 답변을 한두 개의 구체적 예시로 보완하고 연결어(for example, because)로 논리를 분명히 하세요. 길이는 2~3문장으로 유지하세요.

例: Yes, I often take photos through the car window because I like preserving travel memories. For example, I usually photograph interesting landscapes or local architecture so I can remember places I visited.

提案: 이유를 더 구체적으로 서술하고 문장 연결을 매끄럽게 하세요. 'because' 뒤에 나열하는 이유들은 연결어(and, moreover, therefore)로 자연스럽게 이어서 두 문장 이내로 정리하세요. 또한 관사 사용과 어순을 체크하세요 (the beach, there isn't a sea near my hometown → there isn't a sea near my hometown).

例: I prefer the sea because the beach feels special to me and there is no sea near my hometown. Moreover, I enjoy eating fresh seafood and relaxing by the waves, so seaside trips are more enjoyable for me.

× Umm I look out the window umm because I enjoy the window scenery so I prefer sitting near the window so I can enjoy natural view or city view and avoid carsick.

✓ Umm, I look out of the window because I enjoy the scenery, so I prefer sitting near the window to enjoy natural or city views and avoid carsickness.

The sentence has several adjective/adverb and word choice issues: 'window scenery' is awkward — use 'scenery' or 'the scenery outside the window'; 'enjoy natural view or city view' should be plural 'natural or city views'; 'avoid carsick' is incorrect word form — use the noun 'carsickness'. Also add small conjunction/infinitive fixes: 'so I can enjoy' -> 'to enjoy'. Suggestions: use 'scenery', make nouns plural when general ('views'), and use correct noun forms for conditions ('carsickness').

× Yes, I take photos of the scenery outside because I like collecting memories in my gallery. So when I travel I try to take a lot of picture so I can remain this travel memories.

✓ Yes, I take photos of the scenery outside because I like collecting memories in my gallery. So when I travel I try to take a lot of pictures so I can preserve these travel memories.

Problems include wrong plural 'picture' should be 'pictures' and improper verb/noun choice 'remain this travel memories' is ungrammatical. Use 'preserve' (verb) or 'keep' with 'these travel memories' — 'these' matches plural 'memories'. Also 'collecting memories' is acceptable; ensure agreement between demonstrative and plural noun. Suggestion: use correct plural forms and appropriate verbs like 'preserve' or 'keep'.

× I prefer the sea because beach is more special place for me and there isn't a sea near my hometown and I also like eating seafood so.

✓ I prefer the sea because the beach is a more special place for me, and there isn't a sea near my hometown, and I also like eating seafood.

There are singular/plural and article errors: 'beach is more special place' needs the article 'the beach' and the count noun requires an article 'a more special place'. 'There isn't a sea near my hometown' is grammatically okay but can be kept. Ending 'so' is unnecessary and incomplete; remove it. Suggestions: include definite/indefinite articles where needed ('the beach', 'a more special place') and avoid sentence-final 'so' when it's not followed by a clause.